[Danica]

I am extra irritable right now and had been emailing back and forth with a friend. I know she is only trying to be supportive but after I emailed her to tell her I started bleeding she said, "Why don’t you just not use protection and not really try and let it happen in its own time? Just a thought... maybe your next baby knows something you all don’t. God is always working behind the scenes..."

That just really irritates me. I know it might not sound like much to some people but to me I feel like she is telling me that I tried too hard for this pregnancy and it wasn't meant to be and that's why I am having yet another m/c in 3.5 months. I didn't even use OPK's this last time. So is she saying I am screwing with nature? I am just so annoyed. Maybe I just want to scream at someone and am just looking for a stupid reason.

Whatever... venting over.

[Frangipani]

I think people sometimes just don't know what to say but want to say something "comforting". If they haven't experienced this though, they just have no idea. They also have no idea how freakin insensitive their comments can be at times. It makes me want to shake them!

[steph&dan]

I am extra irritable right now and had been emailing back and forth with a friend. I know she is only trying to be supportive but after I emailed her to tell her I started bleeding she said, "Why don’t you just not use protection and not really try and let it happen in its own time? Just a thought... maybe your next baby knows something you all don’t. God is always working behind the scenes..."

That just really irritates me. I know it might not sound like much to some people but to me I feel like she is telling me that I tried too hard for this pregnancy and it wasn't meant to be and that's why I am having yet another m/c in 3.5 months. I didn't even use OPK's this last time. So is she saying I am screwing with nature? I am just so annoyed. Maybe I just want to scream at someone and am just looking for a stupid reason.

Whatever... venting over.[/b]

Sometimes friends forget that they just need to listen and keep their opinions to themselves. As for God working behind the scenes.. Well, I just think that people use God as an excuse for bad things happening. Some way of validating something awful. I think when we are trying to have a baby, we begin to "focus" on it, and when our friends aren't on the same page with similar difficulties, they can't relate. You didn't try too hard for our pregnancy. What most people don't realize is that there are way more miscarriages than there are live births. Trying to have a successful pregnancy isn't messing with nature. Don't let it get to you.

[Brittanie]

Oh honey, I'm sorry. I think I would have been annoyed as well.

[victorialv]

So sorry sweetie....that was pretty insensitive. I wonder why she thought that would make you feel better, but who knows why people say some of the things they do. (My SIL told me to get a dog....uh...WHY!?)

Anyhow, I have been thinking of you and always know we are here for you, and we know what it's like.

By the way, does she have kids?

[keekopeeko]

It might PARTIALLY be the fact that you just want something to be mad at right now... BUT i woulda been mad at her too.. ive had ppl tell me im trying to hard as well... but they would be to if they were in my situation so i just try to ignore it because they are clueless...

As for screwing with nature! thats crazy! you wouldnt have gotten pregnant again if it wasnt supposed to happen... Ive done all the right things for the last couple of months and havent gotten pregnant.. its not like your body can be like "im not supposed to get pregnant until next month, but dang it they did it on the right day at the right time and now i HAVE to get pregnant, guess ill just get rid of it soon as possible"

thats rediculous..

~Em

[greenchild]

sweetie I am sorry you started bleeding, I know you were hoping for a miracle like I am. Not that I really have any hopes of mine making it anymore, KWIM?

It sucks when people are so insensitive!!! I DEFINITELY do NOT think that if God had a plan for us that it involved losing so many babies! I agree, I think some people just use God as an excuse too. I am sorry she said those things to you!

[Danica]

Thanks ladies. I know I am just super sensitive You all are right on with what I am feeling. Maybe if it were just that comment but my mom also mentioned to me that maybe we should just take a break and just go back to having fun and not thinking about it when we make love. I was like, okay because she put it also like I was obsessing. This is why I have a hard time talking about my feelings with anyone (except you guys ) I end up getting pissed because people don't say the right things and I get angry. I would just rather not say anything to anyone IRL and work through it on my own. Even at my last appointment I was still hoping for something and when the doctor noticed no change I told Travis on my drive home and he said, I figured that was what she was going to say. I mean, keep that comment to yourself. I told him, I'm glad you were right and then gave him the silent treatment. I know I am sensitive right now and people have to walk on egg shells around me but you'd think they'd learn to just say, I'm sorry this is happening and give me a hug. Is that too much to ask?

And if someone else brings God up to me I am going to scream. I am a Christian but if I believe that God had anything to do with these past 3.5 months I don't think I would have much faith anymore. I am sorry if that offends anyone but it's how I feel.

Okay, I think I am done now. Thanks for letting me vent because obviously I can't do it IRL.

[Madison.N.Hailey'sMom]

I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with all this on top of the m/c. It sucks when people dont know what to say and what they end up saying is insensitive. For me I cant even talk about any of thing that has to do with m/c or TTC to anyone IRL because they just dont get it. I really hope you feel better some soon and we are all here for you so vent away.

[ShannonMVT]

I would have been annoyed by those comments also. Now maybe I am just sensitive also. But I don't think it is nice at all to imply that you did anything that "made" you lose your baby. It's not like wanting a baby or trying for a baby somehow makes you more likely to lose one.

I am a Christian also but I got a little upset when Dh's grandfather (who had told me when I didn't know if I was going to miscarry that he would pray that God's will be done) told me after the miscarriage that he felt like their prayers had been answered. I absolutely know he was not trying to hurt me, he is a sweet man and very devout. But at the time I was like, WTH! I sure as heck know that MY prayers were not answered!

[heatherrose415]

It would have upset me too Danica!! That was very insensitive and I am so sorry you do not have the support you should IRL!!! You are going through alot and people need to listen and be there for you, hold you!!!

I am so heartbroken you are going through this

Heather

[HangingInThere]

Danica,
I so sorry you are going through this again. It is never easy and is really too bad that more people don't understand it better. I have thought so many times that it would be nice to have a miscarriage support class or site for families and spouses so they could learn the best way to support a family member going through a loss. I think sometimes people just don't understand that you don't want to hear that it was for the best, or God's will. In fact like you I don't like to beleive that it was God's will because I feel like if God had a choice he would do things differently, kwim. It is nice to come here though knowing that we all have been there and understand, I just really wish sometimes that we could make the rest of them understand how we feel, what we are going through, and the best way to support us. Hope you are doing all right and we are here if you need us.

Hugs and Loves,

[..Jessica..]

I'd definitely be angry too. And you have every right to be!!! Like you said, you can understand them walking on egg shells, but why can't they just say they're sorry and give you a hug? I went through this when I miscarried too, and the only people to say sorry, were people that I wasn't able to see at that time. I didn't get a hug from my mom or sister. It's hard to go through when you feel like you're so alone!!!

I'm thinking of you during this time Danica!!!!

[Lv2Mommy]

Wow - it never ceases to amaze me what some people will say thinking they're being supportive & helpful. I would've definitely be mad myself - vent away b/c you have every right.