[chucksusanandgrace]

I ask this question not to be depressing but because I want to know.

We have one daughter who is four years old. We miscarried three other babies. I have always wanted three children, but would have been elated with two. And of course our one daughter is such a blessing and a miracle and such joy to our lives. She is everything to us. And we feel an abundant amount of blessings to have her. I know that some do not even have one child, so I shouldn't feel bad about having one.

And the contentment and love we feel for our child is sometimes over shadowed by the thought that she might be lonely because she doesn't have a sibling to share things with (play toys, vacations, holidays, etc).

I just always hear people talking about having two or more children, like one isn't good enough. My heart breaks big time. It just makes me feel bad and I never want my daughter to feel like she is missing out. Although I do realize that she very likely will want/wish/hope for a sibling of her own.

I'm just curious if any of you plan on having one child or if you feel you would be happy and content with one child?

I'm torn really about this. Grace is our JOY, we are crazy about her. Sometimes we think that perhaps it is our plan to have her as an only child because she might really excel into something wonder because she is an only child. At other times though I feel that we will be depriving our child out of an experience of having a sibling. And when people ask how many kids I have, I find myself saying "I only have one". Even I am saying "Only" as if one isn't good enough...and dang it, it IS good enough.

If it was our will, we would have two children. But our will isn't always Gods will. This has been such a struggle. DH is 45 and I am 39. The clock is a ticken. Should we be content with our precious one or adopt or TTC and risk miscarriages once more? Of course I am just asking this question out loud. I know that none of you can answer this question for me.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Sue

[ShannonMVT]

The honest answer is that I hope I can have more than one. I would like 2 or 3 and Dh is pretty adament about only 2.
It worries me a little having had one m/c and no living children that it could be a struggle to even have one. I hope not with all my heart, but I know that is a possibility. I suppose the reason I want more than one is because I love my brothers and even though we are far apart in age (older bro is 5 years older, younger bro is 7 years younger) they are important to me.
If I could only have one or none, I would want to adopt. I am not sure about Dh. Plus it is a huge ordeal and very expensive, so I am not sure if it would really happen.

But my older brother has only one, a girl, and she is 4 years old just like yours. They decided they only want one because it was difficult for my SIL to get pregnant and also for financial reasons. I am a little sad that she will never get to have a sibling. But it is not the end of the world either. She is very loved and my brother and SIL try to make sure she is not spoiled by never having to share. She interacts with other kids each day so she doesn't lack for playmates on a day to day basis. I hope that someday soon I will have a baby and then she will have a cousin who can she can have a special relationship. It's not the same as a sibling, but it is special nonetheless.

Anyway, I don't think it's wrong or selfish for you to want more. But I also don't think it's wrong if you decide you are happy with one.

[Mom 2 Avery]

I am the oldest of 5 and would love to have a house full of babies to love...
But I'm turning 46 in April.
If I even get 1 baby that comes home I'll be happy!!!

Good luck!
Dawna

[Danica]

Well, I don't think it is bad to have an only child but because I had a 1 sister and my husband also had 1 sister we are both very comfortable with the idea of 2 children. There are pros and cons with each choice and so I think in the end you have to just go with what you are most comfortable with. I know there comes a point with each women where they hit their limit on lossess that they can handle. For some woman its 9 (like my aunt) and others it may be 1. I would just say that as long as you can emotionally handle the ups and downs to keep trying because it sounds to me like your truly desire more. Wanting to have more than one child doesn't mean you are not happy with your little girl, it just means that you have more of your heart to share with another baby. HUGS

[*Bobbie*]

Sue....

I too worry about this...but in a different way.

My kids are 17,16,14,13. The youngest starts high school next year. If I ever have another living baby he/she would be starting Kindergarten while the others are out of school.

I REALLY want two more kids just so that the child I *might* have wouldn't be an only child. My heart breaks when I think that I may never have another baby, but yet I can't help but want two more. <Sigh>

Dave is 42....soon to be 43 and I am 33. I feel like we are running out of time too and feel sooooo helpless. I just want to have it happen yesterday.

<Double sigh>

[steph&amp;dan]

Sue, I think that many people struggle with the very thought of how many children. My DF has 2 older children from his first marriage. We don't see them. The relationship is not very good between him and his ex. He misses his kids, but knows that soon enough they will have choices. With that information, we struggled with deciding if we were going to have children. His first answer was no. No more. But, I don't have children, and it took me until the age of 38 to decide that I wanted atleast one. I want to share the world that I love with a little one. I want to see the amazement that they see. If I can have only one, then so be it. If I get lucky to have twins, all the better. But we agreed on one pregnancy. I don't think that my kiddo will suffer if they are an only child. We have to stop living our lives by the expectations of others. If you are unable to conceive again, and adoption isn't an option, there is always fostering. Do whats right for you and your situation and don't let others make you feel bad about it.

[jademyst13]

If I have my choice I want at least two and DH wants who knows how many, but alot

After just one loss I know that I would love to have at least one and if that was all I could do then I think I could learn to be ok with it. Of course until I'm at that bridge I can't say for sure that I would feel that way then.