[acolledge2]

Update 2/3
Thank you ladies for all of your kind words and support, that is what I needed yesterday. It is so hard some days to just get through without crying, screaming, and asking myself what I did. I think the answer is I did nothing, they were not formed correctly and would have had a very difficult life filled with much pain.

I am going to speak to my OB/GYN when I go in on Tuesday for my weekly appt about our options. Was this just a fluke thing that just happened again or is there a problem that we need to discuss? I agree that meds might not be the best choice if I am hearing that they make you numb from those that took them.

Also I spoke to my husband about the keeping them in my memory and close to my heart so today we are going to buy 2 more charms for my mother's necklace. Then I can also have them with me and remind myself that although they never made it to earth, they were still my babies.

Have a great day and enjoy the SuperBowl, god knows my job will be to keep the food a comin!!!
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Good morning ladies!!! Well, today is just going to be a bad day, I can feel it.

Husband is at the gym, girls are watching a movie and I am sitting here crying. I want to go back to that day one month ago and for just a second remember how it felt to have the two little ones inside of me. I know that I was only alittle over 11 weeks and I know that they never developed past 9 weeks and I never felt them kick, hiccup, never heard their heartbeats but I was already in love with them.

I know that alot of you lost babies much further along and were more attatched and some even held their baby as it took its last breath so I apologize if I seem dramatic.

BUT:Why am I still crying everyday? Why do I miss them so much? WHy do I still wake up in a haze and rub my tummy before I realize it is gone? When will the bleeding stop? Why do I feel like the pain and sadness is overwhelming me? Am I going crazy, do I need meds/counseling for my depression?

I don't mean to bring sadness and upset to this board I just need to say these things that I can't/won't say to mu husband/mother/friends. You are all my true friends, you don't dismiss my worries nor try and replace my feelings with "Well, you still have 2 here on earth move on and leave the angels in the sky"

Thanks for listening and i hope your day is better than mine!!!

[Matt's Mommy]

Oh hun first os all lots of I wish I knew something that would make you feel better at this time. But just know everyone is here for you. And youre not bringing me down, I among everyone else has been through these feelings and we understand FULLY. As far as your questiions go: the bleeding for me lasted 6 weeks. And I lost my son in oct and i still, as crazy as it sounds sometimes think i can feel him kicking!! So as I dont know why this happens Ive heard its completely normal, and will lessens with time. It couldnt hurt to talk to a counselor etc. I might just make a difference for you. I hope things get better for you. And just know, we're here for you





edited for bad spelling =(

[jademyst13]

I'm sorry you are having a rough day. It doesn't matter how long you were pregnant, you loved them just the same. I found out at 12w and I was the same way. One of the hard things like you said was rubbing my tummy and knowing I had no reason to.

I wish I knew a way to make you feel better. Just know that you aren't alone. Everyone still crys and misses their babies. If your depression seems more than you can handle you should speak with your Dr. I don't know that you need meds, but I'm sure counseling couldn't hurt.

[Melanie0507]

I am sorry you are having a rough day. We all definitely understand the intense pain of loosing a baby, and it's not something that easily goes away. Some days are better than others...Just try to take it one day at a time, but if you feel too overwhelmed or depressed, please talk to your doctor.

We are here for you!

[greenchild]

I cried alot with my first loss, but the 2nd I was so dang mad about the whole situation that i didn't really grieve for a long time. I think it was 6 - 7 months before it truly hit me and I cried alot after that. I am still grieving for the loss of of this last one, it's been 5 weeks.
It really sucks what we've all been thru, and you can come here anytime you need support!

[Danica]

I am so sorry your having a tough day. I know that with me, the grieving for my 1st loss I cried a lot. As soon as I thought I was moving on something small would trigger it like thinking about what could have been, what they would have looked like, was it a boy or girl. I had a hard time. The second all my grieving was ahead of time and I honestly haven't yet grieved after I actually lost the baby. I can't even make myself cry which sucks just the same. I feel more at peace with the second loss but for some reason I feel like I also should have cried more. I don't think you are being dramatic at all. A loss of a child, whether at 4w gest or 18 years old is truly devistating and I don't think the amount of time you carried has anything to do with how sad you are allowed to be. Please know that we are here for you so whenever you feel like crying on our shoulder we will support you. I hope that you feel better soon.

By the way, have you done anything to memorialize your little ones? Maybe plant a tree or bury something significant in a spot that you can visit, maybe in the backyard, bought a necklace or made a video tribute? I only ask because this REALLY helped me. I made the video tribute and have buried Aspen in the back yard at a peaceful spot on the mountain. Skyla will go next to him when the ground isnt' frozen.

[heatherrose415]

I am soooooo sorry sweety

I agree, I do not think it matters how far along you were, I know I attach to my babies instantly, as much as i can, before i even see them. and I have talked to moms who have lost babies to SIDS and have had a miscarriage, and had the same kind of pain with each one. So please do not belittle your loss, it was a loss all the same! you have every right to grieve as long as you need to!

What you are going through is normal, I was an emotional wreck for months!!!

I agree with Danica, you need to do something to memorialize your babies. that really helped with my grief. I didnt have my babies remains, so I couldnt bury it, but I made a memorial wall with all the gifts I was given in memory and pictures on the wall.

I also bought a necklace and earrings in memory.

miscarriagememories.com has cute jewelry, a charm called "baby in my heart" that is beautiful!!!

((HUGS)) we are all here for you!

[MrsPoe]

I have mc'd twice before I lost my little Abby. Although the pain is different, it is still a pain of losing our dreams, hopes, and our babies. We all feel robbed of the joy that a little one brings no matter how much time you had with them. We are the mommy and we know our babies. It is never easy to lose a child!

As for the bleeding. I bled for about 5 weeks off and on. As for the depression, you have to be the judge of that. I know for me at first I thought I needed meds too. I took them and became numb and I knew that wasn't healthy for my healing process so I stopped the meds. I needed to cry, to miss my baby in order to heal. I don't think I will ever stop missing my little girl, but in time it does get a little easier. Counseling isn't a bad thing, sometimes you just need someone IRL to talk to. I still find myself rubbing my belly too. I miss being pregnant, I miss my baby, I miss all of the things that were taken away from me too soon.

I wish there was something to say to take away your pain, but there just isn't any words. Take care of yourself and do whatever you feel is best. Its ok to take meds or talk to someone that can help you through this tough time.

[lynie07]

aww sweetie l'm sorry that your having a rough day,
l still cry after my first loss and thats now over a year
and a half and for my second its only 2 months this time
l just feel so angry and very empty and l just get through
day by day and try to stay positive that l will hold a baby in
my arms soon, and everyone else on here too.
we are all here for you and understand what you are going
through

[acolledge2]

Thanks ladies!!!

[Lv2Mommy]

I'm so sorry you were having such a bad day. I don't care how early a loss happens, I think just about every woman starts bonding & loving that baby as soon as they see the + HPT. I had a really rough time for about a month, and then it did seem like I started having more good days than bad, although they still come. Just last night I got so upset b/c I was thinking about how far along I should be now and what I'm missing out on - I just couldn't stop crying.

I hope you're having a better day today, and just know you're certainly not too dramatic & you're not alone. We've all been there & are here whenever you need to vent, cry, talk - whatever

[fairy9800]

I am soo sorry you are going through this!! I think everyone heals differently and that in time it will get easier. I love the idea of getting two charms to remember your babies by. It doesn't matter how far along you were, those were your babies and you need to grieve for them. And please don't feel bad for coming on here and venting. That is what we are all here for.