[notrub98]

Just a mini-vent but I need to get this out.

I am married to a great guy who absolutely wants me to be pregnant - definitely ready. However, he is very anti-TTC in terms of planning, tracking, etc. He wants it to "happen on its own, when it is meant to be" though he knows I track things and is ok with it. He just wants me to seduce him and not tell him the details. He thinks actually planning DTD is taking away all the fun of the process, so he doesn't want to be a part of the actual process. This is all well and good because I know what he means, and I've been ok being the pilot in this mission without telling him the details.

The problem is that he is not that interested in DTD all the time. Getting him to BD a few days in a row, or even every other day, can be an issue. He's 38 years old, and his libido just isn't what it used to be, and it is frustrating for me. Well, this weekend is a prime example. We BD on Friday night, and I got a + OPK on Saturday, so I likely Oed on Sunday. He was not at all interested in BDing on Saturday and then he worked a 24 hour shift on Sunday so from my perspective, we missed this month's opportunity. Yes, I realize the swimmers may have survived for 48 hours, but I don't have any EWCM at all, so I really have to be more careful about timing. Without his knowing our "routine" it is becoming increasingly difficult for me. I am very disappointed because I'm sure we missed the boat this month, and in looking at his work schedule, he will be working overnights the two important nights next month as well, and I'll be at work during the day, so we will miss out on March as well.

I know I need to talk to him about this, and I will but I am sad and needed to vent.

[mom 2 haley & tyler]

My husband is the same way. He wants another baby, but he wants it to happen when it happens also. I'm into charting and checking for ovulation, and he want no part of this. I know it's frustrating. I wish I could give some advice that would help, but I'm in the same boat as you. If you need to vent, I'm here.

[notrub98]

Thanks - it helps to know others are in the same boat. He flat out turned me down on Saturday night as well, which hurt my feelings in addition to the disappointment. I look around at my friends and they can't keep their DH's off of them, and yet I am the one doing the seducing 90% of the time in my house. My husband just won't do it that often - he's too tired all the time. He works hard, and then he works on the house when he gets home so I do understand, but if he wants a baby, he is going to have to step up his game, in my opinion. I hate the process too, I hate that I am planning to DTD, but that is how it goes. It isn't just going to happen on its own, and I know that from what I have studied / read. He hasn't done that "homework" so he needs to be educated, but I am sad to say that if I talk to him and he holds firm that he won't get involved.... I think I am going to tell him that I no longer want to TTC. It is too hard on me to be in this by myself.

[babyblue]

oh I totally understand where you are coming from!

My DH is very much the same way. He doesn't want to know any details and cannot "do it on command", so to speak... he tells me that he doesn't have the libido of a 19 year old anymore, which is normally ok with me EXCEPT when I know it's my window of opportunity. My DH was out of town during the week I assumed I was fertile (I didn't do OPKs this month) and is scheduled to be out of the town the same week next month, so I'm pretty resigned to the fact that we don't even have a chance of conceiving until March (unless by some miracle I ovulated late this month).

I think you do need to talk to him. I know it takes the romance out of it- but he should understand if you are initiating it and being persistent it is for good reason. If he doesn't want to know all the details that's ok as long as he is on board with it when you tell him it's go time. Easier said than done I know. I feel your pain!

[greenchild]

I understand totally. DH didn't want to actively TTC, then he was okay with me being the "pilot" too but he didn't want to DTD all the time either, and especially didn't want to know the details. Same thing, he works so hard and he is tired! but trust me, those little swimmers can hang on when I got pg the 2nd time, we only DTD on CD11, I barely had any EWCM, and then we didn't DTD for at least a week and a half after, and I O'd on CD13 that month. Granted, that pg didn't end well, but it DID happen.
I thought that your chances were much better if you DTD the DAY you O'd but really, you don't need to. I try to think of it as they guys need time to swim in the right direction.

I know it's tough, vent all you want!!!

[notrub98]

Thanks, Amber. And check out our siggies - we m/c on the exact same day. Figures, huh?

It just frustrates me because I put in all this effort to learn how I am working, using OPKs, checking my CM religiously, etc..... and all I ask from him is to have sex with me when I ask him to! Most guys, I would think, would be thrilled to be seduced! Not mine. Sigh.

My birthday is tomorrow so I am going to resist this conversation for a few days but I've had it and I am done being the only one involved in this process. I feel so alone in all of this, and I don't know how he is going to react when I talk to him. I know he is someone I can obviously talk to or I wouldn't have married him, but this is a touchy subject for him. Our friends are all TTC or already pregnant, and he thinks it is "simply ridiculous" to be "planning sex" so I have a feeling his mind is not going to change. But if he doesn't get more willing, I think I am definitely going to have to stop TTC.

[MaMaTuTu]

I'm sorry! Does he take vitamins regularly, I know that I can tell a difference in my energy when I don't take them. Plus you can get certain ones to give you(him) energy! On a good note, sperm can live up to 5 days, so the 2 days before O day is prefectly fine! So I wish you luck with this month.

Oh and my bday is tomorrow too! So HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

[MaMaTuTu]

stupid double post

[notrub98]

Happy Birthday, Mama!!!

Yeah, he takes vitamins every day. He's just old and tired and grumpy. :-)

[jademyst13]

Shoot my DH thinks TTC means DTD EVERY night!!! My libido isn't up for that hahaa

Shoot my DH thinks TTC means DTD EVERY night!!! My libido isn't up for that hahaa

[Matt's Mommy]

My Dh's the same way totally up for ttc but it is hard to get him to do it every other night, for 2 weeks, i guess his libido is sliding too!!


btw: Jade, wow.. i'd be a tired lady, lol

[Danica]

Travis is the same boat. I try not to talk to him about it much but he knows when it is my O time because I won't let him miss a day (we go with the every other day plan). One thing that I always do is make sure we dtd other days besides my fertile period so he doesn't think I am just using him and feel like a piece of meat LOL If only men could also feel that internal clock. I mean, I had no idea what women meant by internal clock until mine started ticking and it is so loud now that I can't even hear myself think half the time!

[babyblue]

Thanks, Amber. And check out our siggies - we m/c on the exact same day. Figures, huh?

It just frustrates me because I put in all this effort to learn how I am working, using OPKs, checking my CM religiously, etc..... and all I ask from him is to have sex with me when I ask him to! Most guys, I would think, would be thrilled to be seduced! Not mine. Sigh.

My birthday is tomorrow so I am going to resist this conversation for a few days but I've had it and I am done being the only one involved in this process. I feel so alone in all of this, and I don't know how he is going to react when I talk to him. I know he is someone I can obviously talk to or I wouldn't have married him, but this is a touchy subject for him. Our friends are all TTC or already pregnant, and he thinks it is "simply ridiculous" to be "planning sex" so I have a feeling his mind is not going to change. But if he doesn't get more willing, I think I am definitely going to have to stop TTC. [/b]

that is one anniversary I wish we didn't share.

I so understand what you are saying... I have heard the exact conversation about "planning sex" to have a baby. I finally told my DH the days/window I was supposed to be fertile, and then left it at that. I decided I wasn't going to initiate at all- and needless to say, he instigated it himself and told me later it was a lot nicer b/c he didn't feel like I was pressuring him, but he still knew when to DTD just from the conversation we had had the week before. Maybe youo should have that conversation and lay it all out there and see if he pays attention.

Good luck- I know it isn't easy and it can get very frustrating and hard to not resent them. But he does love you- he just doesn't get it.

[..Jessica..]

I'm sorry your DH isn't as on board with TTC as you'd like him to be.

I wish men could experience some sort of pain like we have, so they would KNOW why we want a baby so badly!!

I hope you're able to talk to him about everything!!!

[ShannonMVT]

I know how you feel. If it were up to my Dh, we'd only be doing it once a week or maybe just once every couple weeks. So I end up having to do all the seducing, which can get old.

He used to be not very willing to DTD as often as I preferred. But I think when he realized that it's taking longer this time around to get pregnant, he became a little more willing to do it more often. He finallyl became okay with planned sex. Although in practice, it's a little different because he always waits till right before bed and then he's tired and ugh! Then I have to try and wake him, annoying.

Anyway, we planned out our BD days this cycle since I'm using the ovwatch and we'll probably continue to do that for a least a few more cycles and if we still aren't pg, then I don't know.

I hope your Dh gets to be more willing! But trust me, mine isn't crazy about doing it every day or every other day either!