Heartbroken

Mum2three · #1 February 15th, 2008, 06:29 AM

Wow, i really thought that i could just push these emotions aside for 1/2 hr. nope. Today is the day i lost William. and im lost. Im pregnant now and at 18 weeks, and today when i lost William i was 18 weeks. Im just so scared that everything is going to happen. I keep looking at the clock going "i just Had William at 7:18 am, now im trying to get a hold of Dwayne" you know? im so all over the place right now. im just awwwww i WANT MY BABY BACK!!!

im sorry girls that im venting. but i dont know where else to go! William should be 6 months now learning to roll over, making faces, eating solids. i just dont know what to think...

i just feel like yelling and screaming but i know that wont bring him back. i could just use some support, you all are great here...

Thanks for letting me get this out.. to all of you!

keekopeeko · #2 February 15th, 2008, 06:47 AM

im heart broken for you....

...
But wow! youve made it past that milestone!
You are a strong woman for trying again... and its okay to be sad about your loss...

~Em

fairy9800 · #3 February 15th, 2008, 06:55 AM

Oh honey I am soooo sorry!! ((((HUGS))))

jademyst13 · #4 February 15th, 2008, 07:01 AM

mom 2 haley & tyler · #5 February 15th, 2008, 07:04 AM

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm sure it is hard thinking about all that. I wish I could take your pain away. Just know we are all here for you and praying for you.

MrsPoe · #6 February 15th, 2008, 08:42 AM

Oh Brandy, I am so sorry that today is so hard for you. I know that it would have me on my toes too if I was pregnant again. Maybe it would give you a little peace of mind if you were to call your OB and ask them to do an ultrasound or just listen to this little ones hearbeat today. My dr. said that when I got to that point he would do whatever it takes to help me get through it, so you might give it a try? I think that William is there with you and helping his new little brother or sister to get through this pregnancy and it won't be long before that little one is screaming in your arms. I will be thinking of you and William and little one even more today! :-)

Sabina · #7 February 15th, 2008, 08:56 AM

Big

Brandy. I felt the same way on Hannah's angelversary. It's so hard

Shaustin · #8 February 15th, 2008, 09:56 AM

BIG HUGS Brandy!!! I'm so sorry you are so heartbroken right now. I don't blame you, just know that things will be different this time!!! I'm sure of it!

Brittanie · #9 February 15th, 2008, 10:06 AM

It's so scary and hard.

I agree with Rhonda, maybe you should see if your OB will let you come in just to check? My Dr. told me that they would always put my calls directly through to a Dr (there are 3 at my clinic), instead of being stalled at nurses. It was good to know that I had them there whenever I needed them.

MelissaT1973 · #10 February 15th, 2008, 10:28 AM

I am so sorry for your pain. Baby William is looking out for you and the baby growing within.....
The suggestions of others to contact your OB for a quick visit is a great idea.

tparum · #11 February 15th, 2008, 11:17 AM

im so sry hun u are in my thoughts and i bet baby william is watching over baby right now just to make sure everything is good.

mspkids · #12 February 15th, 2008, 11:19 AM

I am so sorry for your pain. He's looking down and smiling.

I'd take the suggestion of the others and call your OB and just ask for a quick HB check. I am sure they'll understand.

Melanie0507 · #13 February 15th, 2008, 12:45 PM

Brandy

steph&dam · #14 February 15th, 2008, 10:26 PM

have you thought of renting a home doppler? that way you can here the little heartbeat when you want.

MrsPoe · #15 February 16th, 2008, 12:23 AM

I hope that today you are feeling a little better. I wish there was some magic words to make it all better, but there just isn't. Its just so hard to stop thinking about what our babies should be doing. I know I keep thinking how Abby should be 7 months old today if she was full term. Its hard not to wonder how much weight they would have gained and so on. I can only imagine how much harder it is now that you are pregnant again. I tell myself that once I get pregnant, I am going to just keep telling myself that this is a different pregnancy and hopefully I will keep some of my sanity. I know that you will be there for me to help me get through it though. If you ever want to vent, I am here!

Danica · #16 February 16th, 2008, 06:28 AM

big HUGS Brandy. I would be so emotional too. I hope that you are feeling better today.

Happy Angelversary William. Your mommy and daddy miss you so much.

Mum2three · #17 February 16th, 2008, 02:23 PM

Thanks everyone! i really needed the support from my girls. I ended up going to see my dr and told him that i was scared. and i managed to hear the heart beat. I recorded it to my cell phone. I have a Doppler here but its always better when u see the dr. just to make sure that everything is going smooth. He told me anytime. but he knows for sure that this baby will make it to full term. Im a strong woman and i can get through it. But i told him i was pregnant the same time with William and i was 18 weeks. so you know where im coming from. He agreed and said i know. no worries. I came home and told Dwayne where i was and he said that fine. Do what you need to do to know that everything is fine. Now im just counting down the days, hrs and minutes till the u/s...i will feel better then. Dwayne went out and bought the baby some stuff today. He went to toys R us and bought the playpen/bassinet/change table. and its beautiful. I love it so much. I couldn't wait to set it up just to picture when She/he gets here....so that made me feel 10 times better. Thanks so much girls for all the support!

I love ya all!!!

Brandy

here is the babys heart beat, u will hear me talking to my brother Jake, he had to come with me