I don't know what to think of this

Banned-ZoesMom · #1 February 25th, 2008, 10:47 AM

So, you all know I'm getting married, and I guess I'm a little paranoid too. I was looking at Mike's e-mail and noticed that he and a girl at his work have been sending e-mails back and forth via Facebook. It has been sending copies of those messages to his e-mail. This is what one said:

Re: *** you

"aww you do really love me!! i'm over it but you have to buy me lunch and drive me there and i still think your a friggin liar! and we'll talk at work about the mog thing ewww! i should punch you in your raisin bag for that. don't worry i'm still your boyfriend and your still my b###h."

WTH do I think of this? What should I think of this? We've been more distant since the second miscarriage, but I didn't think it was this distant. Over the weekend, I had invited this girl over for dinner, I send her baked goods that I make from time to time, I've tried to be her friend, and I had even asked her to be a bridesmaid!

I'm in tears now! What do I do?

mom 2 haley & tyler · #2 February 25th, 2008, 10:53 AM

Oh Brandi. I don't really know. It could be nothing. Maybe you should talk to him about it, but then he'd know you were checking his emails. Oh boy! I just don't know.

priddymama · #3 February 25th, 2008, 10:58 AM

Oh gosh, I don't know. When did he send this? What did some of the others say? Maybe they're just friends and have some sort of inside jokes or something. Regardless, I don't think I would like it. Does he know you can access his email? If he did surely he wouldn't risk getting caught knowing you could see that. I would probably ask him about it, but that's just me. I'm really to the point. Good luck.

Lv2Mommy · #4 February 25th, 2008, 11:01 AM

That's a tough one. If it were me I'd need to talk to him about it, otherwise it'd drive me nuts. It could be absolutely nothing, but you'll likely go crazy thinking about it. Good Luck

MaMaTuTu · #5 February 25th, 2008, 11:04 AM

HUGS I'm sorry! Even if they are just "innocent" inside jokes. I still don't think it's appropriate for someone that is in a devoted relationship.So that's him writing it? I'm totally lost? Is it just his email account?

jademyst13 · #6 February 25th, 2008, 11:06 AM

I agree that it could be nothing, but there's no way to tell for sure just from that. I think you need to find a way to ask him about her

Banned-ZoesMom · #7 February 25th, 2008, 11:12 AM

Quote:

Oh gosh, I don't know. When did he send this? What did some of the others say? Maybe they're just friends and have some sort of inside jokes or something. Regardless, I don't think I would like it. Does he know you can access his email? If he did surely he wouldn't risk getting caught knowing you could see that. I would probably ask him about it, but that's just me. I'm really to the point. Good luck.[/b]

Yes, he knows I can access his e-mail account, but I can't access his Facebook. However, the messages he's been sending through Facebook are sent to his e-mail as well, and I saw that message. I don't know who sent it and I haven't seen the others. I can't until I see his Facebook, and I don't know how to get into it. The only reason I went into his e-mail is because he asked me to find out if this girl had been on Facebook because the previous night he sent her, and I quote, "A really mean message" and he wanted to know if she got it because he wanted to make things right.

I'm going nuts here.

jademyst13 · #8 February 25th, 2008, 11:14 AM

Well then you had a good reason to be in his email and see the message you did. Ask him about it.

dee68 · #9 February 25th, 2008, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Well then you had a good reason to be in his email and see the message you did. Ask him about it.[/b]

I totally agree.....
joking around is one thing...but I would find that email inappropriate...jmo

good luck !

Brittanie · #10 February 25th, 2008, 11:21 AM

I would ask him about it. If that's coming from him, I agree with Tatiana, I don't think talking like that to a woman who isn't you is appropriate, even as a joke. If he knows you can see it, then be forthright and ask him about it.

It would really bother me too.

priddymama · #11 February 25th, 2008, 11:21 AM

Well, then of course you have to bring it up to him. He asked you to go to his email and in the process of doing what he told you to do you uncovered this message he sent out.
I'd get him to explain everything

MaMaTuTu · #12 February 25th, 2008, 11:33 AM

Quote:

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Quote:

Oh gosh, I don't know. When did he send this? What did some of the others say? Maybe they're just friends and have some sort of inside jokes or something. Regardless, I don't think I would like it. Does he know you can access his email? If he did surely he wouldn't risk getting caught knowing you could see that. I would probably ask him about it, but that's just me. I'm really to the point. Good luck.[/b]

Yes, he knows I can access his e-mail account, but I can't access his Facebook. However, the messages he's been sending through Facebook are sent to his e-mail as well, and I saw that message. I don't know who sent it and I haven't seen the others. I can't until I see his Facebook, and I don't know how to get into it. The only reason I went into his e-mail is because he asked me to find out if this girl had been on Facebook because the previous night he sent her, and I quote, "A really mean message" and he wanted to know if she got it because he wanted to make things right.

I'm going nuts here.
[/b]

What did it say in the email subject line? I just looked at a couple of mine, that way you'll know who sent it. And if she sent it to him it's a little weird to say that , "I'm still your BF" or whatever it said. And if it was him sending it to her it's a little weird to say something about a raisin sack(if that's what I'm thinking they're meaning

). Either way things aren't making since, so I would just asking him what is going on?

greenchild · #13 February 25th, 2008, 11:41 AM

I really hope this turns out to be some dumb inside joke between them or something innocent like that. Sometimes guys really DON'T know what is inappropriate. My DH had (her dept has since moved to another building) a really good female friend at work (she's nice, I met her once) and he told me he had given her a nickname and started calling her by it that day. I had to tell him the nickname (doll) was NOT appropriate for someone that is not his SO! I was a little mad at first but I realized he just genuinely didn't get it until I explained it to him (he calls ME doll!). He apologized and then after that he started calling her "sunshine" instead for her sunny personality.

cam & sami's mom · #14 February 25th, 2008, 11:47 AM

I would have to ask him about it, if for nothing else but to put your mind at ease. good luck & let us know how it goes.

..Jessica.. · #15 February 25th, 2008, 11:48 AM

Could be nothing, but he could be cheating. He obviously has "easy access" to her, and if you like her and she's a friend, then you wouldn't suspect anything if they're emailing/talking.

I'm sorry you're going through this!!!!

As for the Facebook password -- go to Facebook and say he forgot his password, they'll send it right away to his email, and there you go!

MaMaTuTu · #16 February 25th, 2008, 11:58 AM

Quote:

As for the Facebook password -- go to Facebook and say he forgot his password, they'll send it right away to his email, and there you go![/b]

I would confront him first, since he did give you permission to check his email. Checking his Facebook without permission, might just make things worse.

*Judy* · #17 February 25th, 2008, 01:10 PM

You need to talk to him...whatever the case it was inaapropriate. He gave you access to his email and if he did then he knows you would see things. You are in a really tight place, but could you live the rest of your life wondering?

Banned-ZoesMom · #18 February 25th, 2008, 01:27 PM

He didn't ask me to go to his e-mail per se, but I knew that Facebook sends you an e-mail whenever someone messages you on there, and since I already knew his password, I went in there. He asked me to figure out if she had been online and gotten his message, and that was the best way I knew how.

I'm really hoping it's nothing, but he's been so distant since our second miscarriage. How do I bring this up to him without offending him if he's not cheating?

heatherrose415 · #19 February 25th, 2008, 05:03 PM

I am so sorry you are going through this Brandi. I dont know if he is cheating, but it is DEFINITELY inappropriate!!!

Of course if he is having an affair he can deny it.
He might have had no idea that the face book msgs go to your email! i didnt even know that and I do facebook!

I would have a serious talk, or wait it out and see if you can find out more info to go on.

that last line "im still your boyfriend and you are stil my Bit#$" is WRONG whether he is cheating or not.

((HUGS)) I hope he is not cheating.

Danica · #20 February 25th, 2008, 05:52 PM

I am sorry

I would definately not like my husband talking to another woman that way, nor would I want him talking to me that way. I would just ask him about the message tonight in a non accusing way and see what his reaction is. If you have concerns you shouldn't have to find a way to sneak into his facebook account. This is the man you are going to marry and spend the rest of your life with. Honesty and openess are a big part of that so just ask him. It could just be innocent teasing.