[*Bobbie*]

I feel so bad to be only here on and off. I am just not feeling too great at the moment. My body and mind is feeling pretty numb right now. I feel like we are leaving you girls host-less. (Tosha has strep) Not like you NEED a host...but I still feel bad. I made a commitment to this board and feel like I am kinda letting my friends down when I am not here for the BFP announcments and chart questions, etc.

Anyways... this cramping is about the morst I have ever felt besides labor. Even my 14w loss wasn't this bad as far as cramping goes. The bleeding goes between heavy and light. I am begining to feel like I am over doing it though. After I went to get my beta done I stopped at the grocery store to pick up movies and some food for dinner and while I was checking out I felt light headed. I think my body is trying to tell me it's time to lay on the couch and just watch movies.

I just want this over. I wish there was a way to speed it up.

I was sitting in the lab today next to a VERY pregnant girl. It didn't bother me too much at first. Then this other lady sits next to her and says "Congrats... how exciting" The girl was like... huh? oh yeah. I wanted to smack her and the lady. Her for not being happy about her baby when I would die for what she has. And the lady for just saying those words.

I just sat there and wondered how many women in waiting rooms I have sat next to who have been dying inside knowing the baby they are carrying is gone. When on the outside they just look like any other woman. Why do we mourn in silence? How many women have crossed our paths in life that could have used a hug or kind words and we didn't even realize it? As I was in the check out line I was chatting with a woman and couldn't help but wonder if I was ever chatting with a woman who was m/c and I didn't know it. I think maybe I am supposed to be learning from my losses and am supposed to be helping people. Maybe God is smacking me on the head saying "Don't you GET IT?" Go out and DO something. I think I finally get it. I just need to figure out what it is I am supposed to be doing.

I am off to put my feet up and take some time out. I will be back later. I love you all and can't wait till we all have babies to hold.

[HippyMomOf4]

Oh hun, you should take as much time as you need. We are all going to be here for you no matter what.

[MaMaTuTu]

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this! If you are hurting really bad though, and still getting those dark tests...well, I think you need to get checked for an ectopic, as much as a hate to say it. But the earlier they catch one the better. I will continue to pray that it is not, but if it is I hope they can find it quickly!

I totally understand the whole sitting in the waiting room with preggos. After my surgery I was so bloated from the gas that I looked like I was 4 months pregnant, I had to go to the docs for a follow up too . I kept trying to hide my stomach, just so no one would ask.

I have a friend who has felt strongly like you, she's decided she wants to make a difference. And has made of a little flyer with rememberance ribbons for doctor's office's to give to those who have had a loss.

Your faith and determination inspires me, and I hope I can share that with others too! HUGS!

[greenchild]

oh hun, take all the time you need!!!
The cramps I had with this m/c were the worst I've EVER had! That was part of the reason we went to the ER that night, they were so bad I was in tears. I thought that's what contractions must feel like.

I wonder about the other women now too, how many are going thru that and if I could only do/say something that would help or comfort. I feel exactly the same, I should DO something and it took me a long time to figure out what that something was. I'm going to write about it, god knows there's enough stuff to fill a book!
If my experiences have taught me anything, it is that if I can help prevent anyone from having to go thru the crap & misdiagnosis's I did it will have been worth it to save someone else the heartache.

[Brittanie]

Honey, you take as much time as you need! I hope the cramps calm down and it all happens quickly. I hope you can figure out what you need to be doing too.

I don't know, part of me wishes that there was some specific SIGN, you know? Something that those of us who have suffered losses would instantly recognize in others (but not be noticeable to anyone else).

[jademyst13]

We understand that you can't be here all the time. We just want you to know you're loved and we'll be here for you

[dee68]

Bobbie,

please do not apologize ! I think I can speak for all of us when say...we understand completely...
this an emotional time, a heartbreaking time..you know we will all be here for you...as you have ALWAYS been here for all of us.
Please take care of yourself and do not worry about the board...

maybe I'll head over to the host resource and see what I can dig up for us all

love you girl!

[steph&dam]

Bobbie, take care of yourself. I understand about the cramps. Mine were so bad, I thought I was in labor. I knocked myself out with narcotics.

[HangingInThere]

Bobbie,
I'm so sorry to see you going through this again, but like you say you have to wonder sometimes what the real meaning behind it is. Is God truely trying to tell you something? Are you supposed to be reaching out to others? Do you say something about your loss so that others understand where your coming from or do you keep it to yourself. I can say that I do keep it to myself sometimes but when the opportunity arises I'm no longer afraid to say yes I've had to m/c's. I find most times that it opens the door to someone else who shares a loss or knows of someone who has. Again I am sorry that you are going through this yet again and I hope you are feeling better soon.

Hugs,
Courtney

[mmgre703]

Bobbie, I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope the cramps go away soon for you. You take all the time you need and don't worry about anything else but yourself. Everyone here I'm sure understands.

[*Judy*]

Bobbie,
Your health both physical and mental come before this board. You have always been a great host. If there is any group of women who can even partially understand they are here supporting you now. You do what is best for you. I hope you figure out what God is calling you to do and remembber we love you and will always be here to support you.

[katiegirl]

Bobbie

Please take all the time you need for yourself. We will be hear for you every step of the way.

[tparum]

bobbie im so sry ur going threw this its not fair and ill be here as often as i can. u get to feelling better soon

[..Jessica..]

You should NOT be going through this again!!! If I could take the pain away, I most definitely would!!