[Eleysia]

Guys today isn't going well. I don't know why I do this to myself. I went lurking in the DDC I just left to see how the other ladies are doing and I realized I'm experiencing alot of... hate? Maybe it is more jelousy and resent, but I know it isn't right. I dont want to feel that. I'm not going to elaborate on how bad it is, but I just don't know what to do. I'm to the point of not wanting to be on JM just because everyone's happy news is making my sad news seem worse.

DH and I didn't do much talking about the loss, and he litterally hates that I'm on JM. He doesnt realize that I do need to talk to someone. I have some anger towards him about the entire thing, and I don't know how to address it. I can't stop feeling down, and all I want to do is cry.

I feel awful for my son because I do love him, but I feel like I need some space and I think it is reflecting in my emotions. I dont want him to pick up on my missery. I just want to crawl into bed and not come out for a few months..

Dammit I hate that I'm manic depressive... I don't want to go back on meds, and I know I don't want to go see another therapist...


This sucks.

[Danica]

Hi Eleysia, I am sorry you are feeling so down. I don't know what it feels like to be manic depressive but I do know that loss hurts so terribly and so I can only imagine what you are feeling. Remember that anger is part of healing but when you find yourself channeling anger incorrectly tell yourself right then and there that you will not feel that way and only send positive thoughts to those women. Some of them were once in our shoes. It is not fair at all to have to go through a m/c, no body deserves to hurt this bad. I would definately recommend to stay away from the DDC's right now. We've all went back a time or two to lurk but I also feel a bit of sadness when I do that so I choose not to that to myself anymore. As far as JM... I think JM is great, especially TTCAL because we have a bond that only we can understand. It definately helps to be able to vent and obsess and not be judged. Maybe try to explain that to hubby but if it is you that is having a hard time getting on and JM makes you more sad than happy maybe just take a little break... I hope that whatever you decide to do brings you healing. BIG HUGS.

[mmgre703]

Hi Eleysia I'm so sorry you are having a bad day. I agree with Danica maybe you should stay away from the ddc board. Try to stay positive girl. I know it is hard after a loss. I don't know anything a manic depressive either. I really hope you find that space you are looking for and maybe even sit down and talk to dh about stuff. I really hope you stay but if you need to take a break everyone will be here to support you when you come back. Please take care and heres lots of



Megan

[Melanie0507]

Eleysia

I am sorry you are having a rough day. I totally understand the pain of lurking in your old DDC. I did that at fitst but I had to stop for a little while because it just hurt too bad. I go back once in a while now, but not every day. It doesn't hurt now like it did.

Having a m/c is not fun or easy, but I promise you that the pain does diminish with time. It is not something that will ever completely go away or that you will ever forget, but it does get easier.

As far as JM, this is a great place for support. We have all been there, done that, and know what it feels like. Try to relay that to dh and maybe he will understand atleast a little...