[MrsPoe]

Hi ladies, sorry I don't post that much anymore. It seems that the anticipation of Abby's 1st birthday is getting the best of me lately. I don't know why I ever thought that I would have been pregnant again by her birthday, but I truly thought I would have my bfp and delivering a new baby any day now. Guess that didn't happen though, and I shouldn't be surprised. Here I am on cd48 with af nowhere in sight. I feel confident that I did finally O on cd 46 but not much hope of an egg that old being good enough to do the trick. So now I just sit here waiting for af. I have been testing since, who knows when and although I had some funky $ store tests, I have recently found out that there was a bad batch of those tests. Looks like I must have gotten them. So now if I O'd like I "think" I did, I am in the 2ww finally. I don't really want to test in the month of April because there are so many dates that mean a lot to me. The 4th is when I went to see the dr. and heard her heartbeat for the last time although I didn't know that then. Then the 13th was the day they told me she was gone, the 14th the labor pains kicked in full force, and she was born on the 15th. So not only the dates, but then there is the day of the week, Friday thru Sunday. Now I am thinking that I shouldn't test at all and just wait for the stubborn old hag to show, but what if she doesn't show? This may sound horrible, but I just wish that April was already over with and it hasnt' even begun yet.

I want to say huge congrats to all of the new bfp's. I am truly happy for you all and I wish you all the best and a happy and healthy 9 months. I can't think of a better bunch of girls that deserve a baby. And for those of you still waiting for your bfp's I am rooting for you. There is nothing I wish more than for all of us to graduate to the next board, pregnancy after loss.

Thanks for listening.

[mom 2 haley & tyler]

I'm so sorry you're having a rough time. I would be, too. We are here if you need to talk anytime. We will try to help you through this next month as I'm sure it will be tough for you. I so hope you get a BFP soon. Yuo so deserve it.

[mmgre703]

Aw sweetie I totally understand. Everyone needs a break. So sorry that af hasn't showed. Isn't funny that when we want her to show she doesn't. I really hope she shows up soon for you. Keep your head up. I know things may seem grim now but it can only get better, right. I hope you also get a bfp soon and maybe it would be better to ride April out since there is already so much going on then. Good luck sweetie and hope you keep in touch.



Megan

[MrsPoe]

Thanks. I am going to try to wait and see if she shows in a couple weeks. If not, I guess I will have to test because I will need blood thinners if I do get my bfp. If I am not going to get that bfp though, I hope the witch will just come and stay away. It would be really nice to get a bfp before the 1 year mark, but I am not expecting it. We are supposed to start clomid when af comes, but I think I should wait another month for that. I have heard way too much about the hormonal surges with clomid, and that on top of this...well I probably wouldn't survive it.

[jademyst13]

Why does the witch always toy with us! I hope you get that BFP real soon hun

[Melanie0507]

Rhonda

I am glad that you think you may have O'd, and hopefully that little eggie will be a strong fighter!!

I am so sorry that April is going to be such a tough month for you, but we are all here to support you and help you get through the tough times.

I hope you get a pleasant surprise in a couple weeks! g/l

[..Jessica..]

I hope you get that really soon Rhonda!!!

I hope April flies by for you!

[~*Sam*~]

I've only recently been talking with you, but I have to say I love to read your posts. It helps me to not feel so alone, being that we share similar stories. Thank You for posting. I hope that you get that BFP real soon. You are in my T/P! Take care.

[Kristi1106]

Just remember everyone on JM is here for you!

[MrsPoe]

This is why I just can't stay away. I get all of the support I need right here!! Thanks for helping me out, I am sure I will need more once April actually gets here.

Any suggestions on how to cope with this month coming up? Should I find distractions, or just drink all month long? or actually allow myself to feel all of this?

[keekopeeko]

no suggestions... but you are gonna "feel" it all no matter what you do.... if you distract yourself its gonna hit you in the middle of the night, or even a couple of months from now, if you drink the whole month you're still gonna feel the emotions, your just gonna be drunk too....

This is gonna be a hard month for you, theres no getting around that.....

We are all here for you...

and no matter how you decide to handle it we'll support you in it... Maybe you could do something good in remembrance of her... like clean up the trash in a local park.. volunteer time somewhere... Do one of those things where you "adopt" a child in a foreign country and give them like $24 a month for that childs food and education...

~Em

[ShannonMVT]

Aww, hun I am so sorry that April is going to be hard for you. I know it's not anywhere near the same pain but I will be sad during April also because that's when Dear One was due. And I definitely thought I would be pregnant by now again too and I'm not.

I agree with Em that it might be helpful to do something in Abby's remembrance. I would also suggest writing in a journal to get all your feelings out or writing Abby a letter to tell her how much you love and miss her.

[~*Sam*~]

This is why I just can't stay away. I get all of the support I need right here!! Thanks for helping me out, I am sure I will need more once April actually gets here.

Any suggestions on how to cope with this month coming up? Should I find distractions, or just drink all month long? or actually allow myself to feel all of this?[/b]

The only thing anyone ever told me was to just FEEL it. Let it all happen. It's the best way to move forward. I like to say move forward, not move on, because you will never move on from this. You will never forget, you will never be the same as you were before. Drinking away the month doesn't sound like a bad idea though, I feel you on that. Take Care, we will all be here for you this next month.

[Brittanie]

I'm sorry I didn't read this sooner!


You know, I personally found Apr. 30 (the last day Cora was alive) was harder for me than either May 1 (the day we confirmed no heartbeat) or May 2 (the day she was born). I don't know why, but it hit me really hard. Hopefully, like mine was, your anticipation of her angelversary will be worse than the actual day.


I'm sorry that AF is toying with you though. I hate that.