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I thought about posting this Under the Umbrella because I'm a wee bit afraid of getting slammed by someone for posting this. I think it's just because I feel bad about what I'm posting, even though I know I shouldn't.
Vi is 12.5 months old and I thought I would nurse her until she chose to wean. But honestly I think I'm just so ready to not nurse anymore. DH gave her some milk the other week when I was out and she ended up really loving it. So now she pretty much refuses to nurse during the day and she only nurses at night. I feel so freaking guilty about doing the whole "don't offer, don't refuse" thing. I know that nursing her this long is a big accomplishment and Lily weaned at this age and I didn't feel like this. But I just feel like I'm doing something bad and she's going to hate me for it. How stupid is that?
One of my friends said that maybe I'm getting PPD because it can come on when you are weaning/have weaned as well due to the hormones, etc. I just feel like I need my body to myself for a while and I feel so incredibly selfish for feeling like that. I don't enjoy nursing her anymore, it just feels like a chore now and I hate feeling like that as well. I just don't get why I feel like this at all.
You are right when you said that nursing her for this long is a huge accomplishment! I think if you aren't enjoying it anymore and it does feel like it's becoming a chore, and you don't think she is going to care, then I wouldn't feel guilty at all for stopping! You've given her such a great start it's amazing, and I totally know how you feel about needing your body to yourself for a while, especially since her and Lily are so close in age. Just do you what feel is right and don't beat yourself up about it.
It is a huge accomplishment! Certainly not something to feel bad about at all. Honestly, I'm kind of feeling the same way. It doesn't help that DH has started in on his "When is she going to be done doing that?" crap... Not that I would wean because of his comments, but I'm kind of feeling like that too. And I originally planned on letting her self wean as well. For me it's about sleep. I'd like to get more than 3-4 hours of sleep at a time. I don't require much sleep, but I think it'd be that much better for it to not be broken up.
Anyway, enough about me... I just want you to know you aren't alone in your feelings at all. Whatever you choose to do, there's no need to feel guilty at all.
Shelley, I honestly know exactly how you feel. I've posted about it before. My son was a good, gentle affectionate nurser and I nursed him until he was nearly 2. Quinn is a rough, rude, annoying nurser. She's actually never once asked to nurse. I've always had to prompt her. I struggled with thoughts of weaning her and tried twice where I went a day or two nursing free and then started back up again due to guilt. Finally a week ago I quit for good. It's been over 7 days and she's never asked for it and hasn't acted like she's missed anything. So we are done. But I still feel so guilty. I feel like 12 months is so young and the benefits of nursing should outweigh the negatives I've felt. Ugh, the guilt. But each day it gets a little better. She's happy and thriving. She doesn't miss it and I'm the one with the emotional attachment. So I'm letting go and trying to feel proud of myself for going as long as I did.
So, anyway.. You did so good. We did so good. They are healthy and happy. It's okay to move forward.
Shelley! You're such an amazing mama, and nursing Vi for 12.5 months is HUGE and giving her an amazing start! You know all that, and would tell us the same thing . You feel guilty because that's what moms do. We feel guilty about anything possible. I think it'll just take a little time for you to see Vi happy and thriving without the nursing for the guilt to begin to subside. Just keep reminding yourself of your huge accomplishment. It's definitely NOT unreasonable or selfish for you to want your body back. You've given a lot of yourself over the last few years, especially with having two sweet babies so close in age! Do whatever feels right for you.
Do you think there is any merit to the PPD thing, or do you think this is just something that you're adjusting to?
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You have been SO amazing, and this is a fantastic start to Vi's life! I have been feeling really guilty lately, too, because I'm just not enjoying nursing anymore. I know that it's because of being pregnant, so I've been trying to overlook my sore nipples and my super-squirmy feeder whom I struggle to keep at the breast during the day. He still wakes 3-4 times a night to feed, and I'm just so uncomfortable in bed that I'm at the point where I want to wean just to get some more sleep at night and to be more comfortable so that I can take care of this baby in my belly the way that he/she needs to be taken care of. And I feel so, so selfish, so I've just been taking it one day at a time, because I truly wanted Caleb to self-wean. But now I'm thinking that we'll end up weaning shortly before the second baby arrives, and so I understand your guilt. I'm sharing my body with two people right now, and it's absolutely exhausting.
Like Carmen said, we've all done awesomely! We should be proud of ourselves. Whether someone weans at 6 months or 36 months, we've all done something really great for our babies. ((Hugs))
Don't feel guilty. You are an amazing mom and you are doing an AWESOME job raising those beautiful girls. Nursing for 12.5 months is a GREAT accomplishment.
And I have some of the same feelings. There are days where I don't want to bfed anymore, plus I am getting a lot of grief from folks about still nursing - so that adds to it.
I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone! I've been feeling the exact same way lately. I caught myself sighing the other day when she wanted to nurse and I was so ashamed of myself! Like you I know I shouldn't feel guilty because we have made it this far, but I do. There are so many benefits to nursing longer, but what we've done is just as great! Harper was night weaned but since she started to get some back teeth she's back to every 3-4 hours And she's still nursing all during the day, even though she like's whole milk. If I were you, I would definitely try if she seems okay. Maybe you'll have to 'wean' yourself from it until you don't feel guilty anymore? I think that's what I'd have to do until I felt okay with the decision. Because while I'm not exactly enjoying like I used to, I still dread the day we no longer have our nursing time together. Maybe we need to find something else that just the two of us can share?
You have done a great job already! Like you and everyone else, I have days where I just want to be done. Nursing every few hours day and night has really worn me down.
I'd think about it for a week or so and try to figure out what you are comfortable with. I am sure Vi will have no ill thought about you weaning her at this point.
Thanks ladies! She nursed 3x over night and I can somewhat handle nursing at night still since we co-sleep. I think I'm just going to continue nursing at night for a week or so and then maybe taper that off as well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shantastic27
Do you think there is any merit to the PPD thing, or do you think this is just something that you're adjusting to?
Honestly, I don't know. Besides feeling guilty/sad about the nursing thing I'm pretty much the same emotionally. Maybe a little more tired in the sense that I don't really want to do much.
Don't feel bad, you've done a great job nursing both girls!
I'm in the same boat. I am pretty much ready to be done. I just had to go to the doctor for mastitis for what seems like the hundredth time. When he nurses during the day it is for only a few seconds and he bites and laughs at me. The only time I enjoy nursing is at night or early morning when he is still sleepy and cooperative. I have basically cut back to only nursing if he wakes up at night and giving him pumped milk mixed with whole milk during the day.
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Kate, mom to Liliana (6) Greyson (2) and Ainsley born October 26, 2012!
I think Tara hit the nail on the head when she said that if it starts to feel like a chore then it might be time to consider stopping. Nursing is all well and great (and I mean that sincerely not sarcastically) but I beleive its more important for your daughter to spend time with you that you are actually enjoying..espicially since she's over a year old and has thus already reaped much of the benefit that nursing has to offer.
I think that you have done an amazing job with both of your girls. You are a terrific Mommy. I think its fine to only nurse at night or to stop altogether if thats what is right for you and Vi....
FWIW Mia is cutting way back. She only nurses probably four times in 24 hours. I think Bree nurses more than Mia, LOL!
Do what YOU need to do. YOu are a great mom- you have nothing to feel guilty about!!!
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angela- Mommy to Drew, Emanuel, Brandon, Jackson, Brice, Isaiah, Alexandria, Sydney, Kambree, and Mia
Thank you Meganpixel for my beautiful siggy! I love it!
((HUGS)) I was dealing with all of these same feeling when I started to wean Michael last month. I felt so guilty and sad about the whole situation. He is now drinking regular whole milk and we both couldn't be any happier. I have SO MUCH more time to get things done and he is now sleeping through the night.
I am so proud that I was able to nurse him for 11 months regardless of all the negative comments that I've recieved from friends and family. You have made such a HUGE accomplishment! Its natural to feel the way you are feeling since nursing has been such an important part in you and Violet's life this past year. She has had the best start possible and YOU have provided her with that. Give yourself a HUGE pat on the back, because you definitely deserve it!
You are an amazing mama! dont let those silly thoughts put you down. If you feel you arent ready to stop nursing maybe you could pump and give it to her in a bottle/cup like you did with the milk? Maybe its just the freedom of using a cup she likes
Don't feel guilty. A nursing relationship should only exist as long as mama and baby are both okay with it. A year is a great job I think there is always some guilt when you wean regardless of when. When Anastasia weaned at 42 months I felt guilty - lol.
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~Beth~ Wife to my Airman Chris, and mommy to: Anthony Nathaniel (8/31/04), Anastasia Fae (8/01/06), Baby C (lost on 10/12/07), David Cillian (7/31/08), Charles George (4/29/10), and Alan Christopher (2/22/12)
I pretty much have my one year goal and then I start to wean with the plan for the baby to not be nursing at all by about 13 months. And it's for me that I do it, because while I love this bond that I have with my baby while nursing, after one year, I am ready to have my body back to myself, so I totally get what you're saying. I think one year is a great accomplishment though so rather than beating yourself up you should be patting yourself on the back for giving her such a good start!
I know you can't help what you feel though so sending your way .
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And she's still nursing all during the day, even though she like's whole milk. If I were you, I would definitely try if she seems okay. Maybe you'll have to 'wean' yourself from it until you don't feel guilty anymore? I think that's what I'd have to do until I felt okay with the decision. Because while I'm not exactly enjoying like I used to, I still dread the day we no longer have our nursing time together. Maybe we need to find something else that just the two of us can share?
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