vent...my period was due yesterday and i never got it, all preg tests neg :(

mommy_to_nico · #1 December 2nd, 2011, 09:40 AM

i got cramps last nite and then they went away, this morning i noticed pink stringy stuff, i think af is comin. ugh... i'm so pissed. i feel like a failure, my body hates me. i was flip flop about this ttc this mth, i wanted a baby, then i said that i wasn't sure if we should try next yr. i feel like i made myself not pregnant b/c i was confused.

we are talking about trying in jan, still up in the air, b/c we had planned to not ttc in dec b/c i didnt want to be giving birth on our renwal of vows b/c all our family wasnt able to make it when we got married 2 yr ago and now they can on sept 15th

. so if we concieve in jan we'll be due in oct 9th so i'll be 36 weeks. i'll still be almost ready to pop, but atleast hopefully not go into labor b/c i pray i don't have a preemie. we pray for a full term baby girl. if we do concieve any where from jan to sept i'll be around 4 weeks-36wks depends on when his workers decide to fertilize my egg!, i am mad at them for nothing this cycle. i am not sad, more angry & pissed. 5mths of trying 3 mths last yr and 2 mths this yr and nothing ugh...can't do medical assistance if we hit 1 yr and nothing, b/c my his health insurance doesnt cover i n neither does mine. so we have to try natural. his mother, it took 8yrs. please i don't want to wait 8 yrs, screw that i'll just give up by 2 yrs. i doubt i can do this ttc for more then a yr. i'm already emotional from 5mths of nothing. if 7 mths go by and nothing we'll just have sex for fun and who needs condoms, i'm not going to get pregnant obviously. i shouldn't be feeling like this, but i really want a baby and i'm scared at the same time it will never happen, so its part of the reason i'm confused, also my mother isnt supportive of us having a baby now either. my friends arent either. i am lonely and feel all alone in this, my hubby is supportive emotionally, he can't help me make my decision only i can help myself. i have my counselor who isnt judging me. she listens to me and isnt telling me anything negative. she is positive about my weightloss and she told me take all the time you need with deciding. why can't i just make a decision. i feel like this will never be resolved, i just want to scream ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Cait&AngelAbove · #2 December 2nd, 2011, 11:06 AM

I am so sorry Tareena! How late are you? TTC is such an emotional rollercoaster! I am sorry that you are having to go through this. I am here if you ever want to talk!