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Forum: Newlyweds Trying to Conceive

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  • 1 Post By Cait&AngelAbove

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  #1  
November 21st, 2012, 12:47 AM
Newbie
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 7
Husband & I have been married just over 1 year now and were engaged for 1 year before that. During that time, the husband had an "emotional" affair aka I caught him flirting/persuing/asking a woman (via facebook) that he works with if she'd go out to dinner/movies with him etc. So a lot of trust was lost understandably. Now fast forward 1 year later and we're trying to start our family but now that we're on cycle 4 and actually planning and using OPKs etc he suddenly is having issues ejaculating... We're talking like 3/6 attempts so 50% failure rate... He's only 34 so I can't help but think it's me and that maybe he's just not attracted to me anymore or again. On the other hand, I realize that obviously now that we're planning we're BD'ing a lot more frequently. We used to do it maybe...3-4 times a month vs 6-7x over the span of 8 days around ovaulation. What do you guys think we should do? He says it's not me and he doesn't know what's going on as he gets aroused just fine but just can't complete the task. We've tried everything too, lingerie, bubble baths, different positions and this is not an issue when he does things alone/or oral.........

Last edited by Chrissy2005; November 21st, 2012 at 01:06 AM.
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  #2  
November 22nd, 2012, 10:25 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Philippines
Posts: 209
I think both of you need to consult a doctor immediately. They can check you and give you fertility treatments which will really help you in getting a baby soon. Have faith and be patient!
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  #3  
November 23rd, 2012, 04:20 PM
MaggieB1112's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Virginia
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I agree with consulting with a doctor, but maybe more needs to be done too. So, when my husband and I were stressing ourselves out while TTC, it occasionally has the side effect of him not being able to hold an erection. It was really trying time and frustrating but finally worked itself out when we learned to settle down and talk about and communicate more and he was putting way to much pressure on himself and since we talked about it, it resolved. I am sorry if this is too forward, do you have a good outlet or means of communication? Just a thought. Good luck!!
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  #4  
November 24th, 2012, 10:40 AM
Cait&AngelAbove's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 10,629
It sounds like it is the pressure and stress of ttc. A lot of men struggle with it.
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  #5  
November 26th, 2012, 09:16 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 10,800
I'm sorry you're dealing with that. I hope you don't mind me putting my two cents in. I'm a grad but was just dropping in to see how everyone is..

If I were you I would not share with DH when fertile time is. I TTCd for over 2 years and I know how hard that is. Thing with men - they are big on spontaneity and "fun", like little kids almost. Women like it too of course but we seem to have less issues with planning it etc. When DTD is planned it really puts a damper on their mood, resulting in erectile dysfunction. I faced some serious problems with my DH after TTC for 2 years. The planning aspect really got to him but he didn't want to share with me because he didn't want to hurt my feelings or make me feel like he didn't also want a baby.
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  #6  
November 26th, 2012, 02:59 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: South Bend, IN
Posts: 13
It could very well be a result of the stress and pressure of needing to "get the job done." We just had a baby and in we were using sex as a labor inducer and my boyfriend had the hardest time ejaculating. There was no problem with getting or keeping an erection, he just could seal the deal. We were both tired and stressed and just anxious to get labor started, so we think that was the problem.

Just please don't blame yourself for it! I do think you may need to talk to your husband about it and make sure you're both remaining as stress-free as possible. He probably feels bad about his "performance" so some reassurance from you that it's okay and you just want to make sure he feels good about things will go a long way.
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  #7  
July 17th, 2013, 05:15 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 6
I think it's important to be aware of the added pressure that we put on our DH's while TTC. After talking with my DH, something that has worked for us is not telling the him when ovulation is occurring. We have always had a very active sex life so there hasn't really been a noticeable increase in frequency. We have had no problems with performance and it takes away the possibility of him thinking we're BDing ONLY because I'm in my window. Hope this helps. Baby dust to all.
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  #8  
August 1st, 2013, 11:21 PM
Alchemist's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,243
Chrissy, you may not like what i say but as a woman who has been through something similar, you need to hear it (since you asked an all )....i am no longer with my first husband. After 7 years together i called it quits. There is something not right about dragging a man in to making a baby (it started with the wedding) and he also didnt ejaculate, avoided sex sometimes (not that you say hes doing that) but its devestating when the man you are lovingly trying to create a baby with is subtly telling you you are not what he wants.......you need to deal with the issue head on, counselling whatever. I can tell you from personal experience it gets harder as the time goes by and the feel good hormones are gone. you need other things such as loyalty and respect and he sounds like he is lacking in that quite frankly.......so as much as you may not like what i am saying, do you want to have a child with a man who treats you like this OR take a chanve (like i did at 35 and now remarried at 38) and find a good guy who wants to impregnate you , is hot for you and respects you and your needs?
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  #9  
August 11th, 2013, 02:22 PM
jes81878's Avatar Jennifer
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Burlington, KY
Posts: 613
I have 4 years of TTC experience. My husband and I have always had a great sex life (7 or more times a week). Some days, he would work from home or come home early from work to spend some "quality time" together. Once we really started TTC, our sex life became stressful, boring, and predictable. There were times when he couldn't finish, or I just couldn't get into it. At times, it was one of those him jacking off until he was really close and finished inside of me. It had got to the point where we didn't really have sex until the week I was going to ovulate. That was a big change for the great sex life we once had. Fast foreword, I'm now pregnant, and we have our sex life back (except, we are more gentler).

Sorry about the details and hope it wasn't TMI. I wanted you to understand where I am coming from when I say this.....You have a man who is used to preforming 3 or 4 times a month, and now he is expected to preform daily....physically that is asking a lot from him and mentally, I'm sure he doesn't want to disappoint you and feels the pressure of "needing to get the job done". Unless he is demonstrating signs of cheating, I'm sure it isn't you or him.....it's the pressure and stress of TTC.

Good luck!!!
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