How it happened:

"Mrs. M******, I need to speak with you."
"Okay, what's up Doc?"
"Sit down, maybe?"
*I sit down on the hard cold metal stool*
"You are expecting"

(clang, clang, boom)

I fell off the stool. Mind you, I am separated. Only one step from a finalization on my divorce. And after more than 3 years of suffering from repeated pregnancy loss and a stillbirth, I get pregnant when we DON'T WANT to have a baby together! Yes, I know what happens when you have sex. I know the chances. I was on Sprintec BCP. I had sex with my (for lack of better word) DH....ONE DARN TIME! Oh, and WE PULLED OUT!!!! Is this really happening?

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not mad. I'm just nervous, in shock, and whatever other words you can place in this sentence pertaining to not planning on finding out I'm pregnant. I spent months upon months trying to get pregnant, trying to be able to carry my pregnancies to fullterm. And now....when I have resigned any hopes and dreams, and decided to PREVENT pregnancy to protect my heart from being broken any more than it has been in the past, I get pregnant. Simply pregnant. My poor child's father does not want this baby. I'm in the middle of the divorce process. We already signed a dissolution.

Based on LMP I am 4wks4days? Last cycle was July 6th. So that estimates that ovulation occurred on the 20th? Yes, that's right. Guess when I had sex???? Anyone. Oh yeah, the 19th.

[fromustobaby]

I remember following your story back in January, and it broke my heart...
I hope that you have a safe and uneventful pregnancy, and get a beautiful healthy baby...maybe it was just meant to be...

!

Thanks Tonya. I'm wishing the best for you too!

[LisaBrown]

Wow,what an incredible story! I am praying for you and your bean to be safe and sound! Talk about life just throwing you a curve ball...

[LIZZYI]

Holy Cow!! That is some story. I wish you a very H&H 9 months!

[Chelnae6]

I pray that this is a sticky healthy bean. Carrying your baby to full-term

Last night I had my first bout of morning sickness. I am not looking forward to this. Months ago I would have given my breath to get pregnant and be sick and miserable, but right now...I don't want to be sick. I have to get on an airplane at 5:30am Thursday morning. I don't want to be sick at all. What if I throw up on the guy sitting beside me? Or the lady down the isle when I get up to throw up in the potty?

UCK. I wish things would have gone smoother. I'm visiting with my almost ex-DH and my DD and have to fly back home (I now live 750 miles away, how awful is that?).

I feel like such a jerk too, because I want him to be happy and I want us to get back together, but that most likely won't happen. Both of us started to date again. I don't currently have any kind of partner other than my little dinosaur, but hopefully things will just work themselves out. I feel gross and miserable. Oh the joys of pregnancy!

I know as soon as I get pass about 18 wks I'll be fine, but until then...I suppose I'll just pretend not to be as miserable.

A horrible night. As my story goes, I'm in the middle of divorce. My DH's girlfriend called me at midnight last night to scream and in lack of a better word..."ditch" at me. Replace the D with B. I'm absolutely pissed off. Why? How old do you have to be to just be an adult? I'm pregnant, so what? It's not like it's HER freaking baby. I wonder if it's just my hormones making me react this way. I feel like I just want to rip her head off, or egg her house (real mature huh? lol, especially after I think she should be doing some growing up). GOSH.

Oh the STRESS. So I found out that I'm having twins. I would love to be excited, and in truth I am a little tiny bit. How am I going to take care of twins? Like seriously? I know that sounds horrible, but how am I going to do it? My hormones are out of control! I haven't gained any weight and as far as I know I have zero bump.
All I want to really do is cry right now. It's going to be so hard. I know I can do it, and all I have to do is have faith, but my faith reserve is running on empty.

[goingfor4]

Hey hun! Sounds like you're gonna have to surround yourself with as many great girlfriends and family as possible, as much as possible! Keep yourself busy! Try new recipes that can frozen, and easily reheated. This will help after the babies arrive. Get some good books about surviving single motherhood with multiples. Maybe you can get some good tips, and at the very least lift your spirits! And just so you know, I am not a single mom and I would be scared as to how I would do it! What you are feeling is normal! It's gonna take time, and a lot of prep. Jump right in hun! Keep yourself busy with preparing for these babies, and you'll do GREAT!!! We are all here for advice and a shoulder to cry on! KEEP YOUR HEAD UP!!!

[SerendipitysChild]

HUGE Lil!

[goingfor4]

Here's a list of books on pregnancy and beyond with multiples...

books about pregnancy with twins - Google Product Search

If you haven't already, go onto the moms of multiples board and introduce yourself! There are moms to be, and experienced moms on the board. Ask them questions, make friends, and get some support from them! I will keep researching for you!

One of my twins has passed away. I'll write more tomorrow. Need sleep. And to cry a bit more.

[fromustobaby]

I'm so so sorry Lil...I hope your little survivor bean stays nice and strong in there for about 32 more weeks...

Haven't written in this for a while. I've been busy. And sick. First the horrible morning sickness then just this past week the SWINE FLU. OMG. Boy am I glad I wasn't hyped up over it to begin with.

On a lighter note, this weekend I'm picking out a crib. I'm so excited. I wish I could feel more pregnant though. I know I'm still early and everything, but I was hoping that I would atleast feel pregnant. I feel gross. And just ick with everything that's been going on.