[emmabear]

I was engaged to my fiance, who I love more than anything, who I was very excited to marry. We were planning for a baby, and just kind of letting the universe decide when it should happen since we weren't using any contraceptives. We were both confident that whether it happened before we got married, or after, it would be the perfect time.

Unfortunately, my fiance is experiencing some strange stress-induced depression and is having a hard time dealing. He broke off our engagement a month or so ago, out of nowhere, to my complete and total devastation. He told me he needs space. We live together, so it was hard for me to comprehend moving out and moving on, when only days before, we had been planning our lives together.

He is stressed about things unrelated to me. He was married before, and is having a very hard time with a very vindictive and greedy ex-wife, with whom he shares two little kids. They are the love of his life, and it is very hard for him to be apart from them. She is making it as difficult as possible on him, so it's hard on him and hard to watch him be trampled on. He just doesn't have any fighting power left, and it is so sad how much she's gotten to him.

I respected his wishes by leaving for a week, and going home to visit family. I was beyond devastated and just hoped and prayed that he would change his mind. The day that I got back, I found out I was pregnant.

This pregnancy means everything to me, not just because it is his child, but because I have wanted a baby for years. I am so blessed to be pregnant, it's just a tough time to figure out the details of what we do now. I truly believe that this timing happened for a reason though.

We have been seeing a therapist for a month or so now who agrees with me, that it is not about me, he is depressed and the doctor is giving him tests to find out what kind of medication he should take. Hopefully this helps, but in the meantime, every day is a mine field. I have no idea when he is going to switch on or off, or like me, or not. It is awful.

I miss him and I wish he could experience the joy and love that is this pregnancy. He can't feel those things right now though, so it is very hard. I feel alone and exhausted. I talk to the baby a lot and reassure the baby that it is safe to stay here, and that we will figure it out before they arrive. I guess I feel reassured by that too. I pray a lot. We still live together, but he is a shell of a person these days, so it makes it almost harder, seeing him everyday, not ever feeling his touch, not ever seeing him smile. He has a beautiful smile.

So that is my story. And from here on in, I am embracing this pregnancy like the gift from God that it is. And hoping and praying and working with a trained psychiatrist to help the love of my life to get his happiness back.

[<>*NaYoMi_BaBy_Dreamer*<>]

I hope and pray things turn out for you....You have such a big heart...

[Chelnae6]

My prayers are with you. Like you I am in a complicated situation as well. We were engaged, things happened, we broke it off. Since finding out we're preggy, we've been trying to work things out. But I know how it feels to be in your shoes. Esp to be living with someone and still feel like you're alone and have to do this by yourself.

I too am trying to embrace this pregnancy as much as possible b/c we both know how much of a blessing it is to just be preggy with healthy babies. I might have you beat on the praying though lol. I pray so much God is probably like "Look Chelle, I've heard you 50 million times already", but I refuse to stop.

Good luck girl. PM me if you need anything.