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Forum: Not Trying Not Preventing

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  #1  
May 6th, 2010, 11:26 AM
MidnightMaiden's Avatar )O( Blessed Be )O(
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Ok...So I have a question...Because I like to know that I'm not the only one lol.
My mother-in-law has tried to tell my husband and I that NOW, is not the good time to have another baby. Now..I get that she's entitled to her opinion, but really...We're married, it really doesn't matter what she says, it's our decision. However, she likes to butt her nose in where it's just not wanted. She has asked me on numerous occasions if I'm on BC and if I'm going to go get some. We won't tell her that we're NTNP because...Well...She'd probably have a cow.
When I first got pregnant, she told my DH (does this mean darling husband? Or **** husband orrr?? lol) that I had secretly plannd the pregnancy to solve all my problems. (Yes I think this woman is slightly psycotic!!) I'm conitnuesly made out to be the bad guy, but I mean...Secretly planning a pregnancy? Let get real here. We weren't using any form of protection when we conceived our first, yes she was a surprise, bu we both knew it could happen. However, his mother still believes that the "condom" broke and that's how we got our first one
Anyways, my mother is all for a second baby. She's been an INCREDIBLE Nana and loves my daughter more than the sun. She can't wait for us to have another baby.

I just wanted to know if anyone else had some...Difficult...Mother-in-laws?? lol
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  #2  
May 6th, 2010, 11:45 AM
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Yes. Difficult is a complete, total understatement. I wish I could say she was JUST difficult.
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  #3  
May 6th, 2010, 11:53 AM
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My MIL is very sweet and support regardless if she thinks its too soon to have another LO (which she does but she doesn't bring it up) However I have a complete jerk for a FIL. He and MIL have been divorced for 14 years and he thinks that pretty much all women are the devil with the exception of his Mom and daughter. When DH told him we were pregnant ( I was on the pill so it was a complete surprise) He went on and on about how i had trapped his son and I did it on purpose and so on and so forth. I just ignore him when I have to be in his company.

I'm sorry you have to deal with such a difficult woman. I know how ya feel!!!!
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  #4  
May 6th, 2010, 02:30 PM
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OMG I feel your pain. That cow cracked me up!

My MIL accused me of forcing DH to DTD with me and told me that I should have been on birth control when I got pregnant. I was dumbfounded. It's been over a year and I still can't completely let that go.

She jabs me all the time. The worst part is that no one else even sees. She cried at my baby shower, cried when she found out I wasn't converting (DH is Jewish) and still acted like I was for almost 2 years, and pretty much hits on my DH. One night we went to dinner at their house and she stood up to rub his back. I don't get it. Sometimes I wonder if it's just me because EVERYONE else loves her and thinks she's so cute and funny and delightful to be around.

I could go on! I don't understand why MIL's have to fulfill the stereotype.
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  #5  
May 6th, 2010, 03:44 PM
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Monica, are you married to her oldest son, or is he the first to get married in his family? It sounds like a case of jealousy to me.
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Last edited by Babybear4; May 6th, 2010 at 03:48 PM.
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  #6  
May 6th, 2010, 04:44 PM
monica8's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Yes it is her oldest son actually. And I'm pretty sure it's the first person to get married in their family since her.

She only has one other child (who's 21) and she's even more obsessed with him. He's never even told her if he's had a girlfriend. I feel bad for them!
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  #7  
May 6th, 2010, 06:28 PM
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dont even get me started.

That's all I have to say about that.
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  #8  
May 6th, 2010, 07:04 PM
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My MIL seems to be fine with me...Now...I haven't really let go of her accusations either and it's been 2 years.
She has since then sent a 4 page email where she basically ripped me to shreds, and basically made it out that I was a horrible person and not a good wife to her son.
He is the youngest kid, the only other kid is his older sister, and he's the first to marry. However, she gets along with me great now, I wish she would just mind her own business and leave me alone Too much to ask for though apparently.
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  #9  
May 6th, 2010, 09:16 PM
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My MIL is pretty great. My FIL is awesome. My mom on the other hand....... Well, lets just say she makes your MIL look like a saint! I'm sorry you have to deal with that though.
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  #10  
May 6th, 2010, 09:56 PM
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In my personal experience, if you marry the oldest, or if you two are the first to be married in a family unit, there is a jealousy that exsists with only you. Then, the MIL learns from her experience with you not to treat the others the same.

For example, me and my MIL used to be extremely close until the DAY that I married her son. I was with him for 4 years prior to getting married and his mom and I were best friends. Then, the day we told her we were getting married, she turned into a totally different person and started treating me terribly. It was like I took her husband from her or something. Now, her other son (who is a year younger than me) is dating a girl that moved into their home with all of them within 2 months of dating and she ADORES her, and really, I think she has learned from the way she treated me not to do the same to the other girl.
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  #11  
May 7th, 2010, 06:38 AM
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Ugh I don't want to be a learning experience lol. I personally just think my MILs meds need to be seriously upped. She apparently can't even work because of her depression. When my daughter was born and spent a week in Sick Kids because she couldn't breathe, she spent 2 days in bed depresed because she felt we didn't want her to come out and see my daughter...Like HELLO, we have other things on our mind that YOU. The day she DID come out, was our first day to hold her, she spent 25 minutes holding MY babygirl, and there isn't ONE picture of her smiling!! The look on her face says "It's about ****** time." She adores my daughter now, but first wanted us to get an abortion. She also drinks a lot (not smart with the meds she's on) and I don't support big drinkers. Her family has THANKED her husband for actually staying with her....
No..I don't think too highly of my MIL....I tolerate her more than anything and REALLY bite my tongue when she pisses me off.
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  #12  
May 7th, 2010, 07:53 AM
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^^ that just sucks!

I don't want to be a learning experience either, but it does make sense. I bet she will love his brothers future wife to pieces someday. That will probably make me hate both of them.

It's scary to think that I have a son and he will someday fall in love. I don't want to be like that!
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  #13  
May 7th, 2010, 11:43 AM
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See...He's the only son...So I don't have to worry about her loving another DIL more than me. But it'd be nice of someone coud come take some of the heat off lol.
I don't have a son, but I want one, and I don't want to be like this either!! I will have to ask that someone shoot me if I become like that!!
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  #14  
May 11th, 2010, 08:08 PM
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Dh is MIL's only child. She is passive aggressive, manipulative etc... The list goes on. I wish we had a good relationship but thats just not going to happen. We try to avoid seeing her if possible.
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  #15  
May 11th, 2010, 08:16 PM
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Oh no! I feel so bad for you ladies! My MIL is really great, as is FIL. We don't always agree on EVERYTHING, but they really are supportive and helpful and our differing opinions are more generational things or just coming from different families. They love our kids and our kids love them. My parents are also wonderful, we are really lucky. Now, my SIL...we've had our issues, but they aren't very out in the open.

I am totally committed to being an excellent Mother in Law when that day comes!
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  #16  
May 11th, 2010, 08:57 PM
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I have 2 MIL . . . both crazy, but dh thinks so too. We all get along okay at least and they never tell us directly what they think about our family planning. Sorry you have to deal with this.
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  #17  
May 14th, 2010, 11:21 AM
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Well before me and my hubby were married his mother brought up pregnancy before marriage, which she thinks no one should have a baby before they marry. Which is total bs. Anywhoo! She said that if we some how did get pregnant before marriage that i should get an abortion. My jaw dropped! We fought about 6 months and then we came around. I just couldn't believe she said that! My mother wants as many grand children she can get!
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  #18  
May 14th, 2010, 11:54 AM
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Yea my mother wants as many grandbabies as she can get too. She's already started asking as to when we're having another lol. MILs confuse me
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  #19  
May 14th, 2010, 08:05 PM
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Oh I know how you ladies feel. My MIL FIL and SIL are horrid people! When they found out we were getting married they tried to talk DH out of it. Then When they found out I was pregnant (6 months after we got engaged) My MIL told my DH "Well what are 'we' (meaning thier family and DH) going to do about this" and when DH said "um well we are going to have a baby" My MIL said "well great now your stuck with her for 18 years!" Awesome right? MySIL is just as bad and sent me an email saying how im ruining her brothers life and how she knows im just going to hurt him and im a horrible person, and Im 'trapping' him with that preganacy. I could go on and on and on but I wont. Oh did I mention they tried to walk in on me when I was in labor (like legs up in stirups and all) un-invited? I was livid!

Im so sorry you ladies have to deal with Horrible in-laws as well.
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  #20  
May 15th, 2010, 03:09 AM
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My situation is... different. Both of my DH's parents are remarried, So I have 2 MIL and 2 FIL. It's the same for my poor DH seeing as both of my parents are remarried as well. I love my DH's mom. She's a sweetie and has been like a best friend to me from day one. She even asked me after we'd been dating for only 2 months when I was going to marry her son and give her a grandbaby. She put a special order in for a girl, lol. Her husband, on the other hand has horrible anger issues. I get tired of his yelling at my DH's eleven year old sister. He literally scares me.

Now his father and his wife are very... stiff people. His dad was really upset with him when my DH told him we were getting married. He told him it was too soon in his life and he was wasting it. His wife talks to me like I'm 4 years old. Seriously, baby voice and all.

We told his mom that we were NTNP and she was okay with it, but his father and step mother are angry with us and arn't talking to us until we 'get some sense in our heads'. It's so ridiculous.

But now you lot have got me scared. His mommy is like my best friend, I don't want things to change once we actually tie the knot. He's her only son, she has 5 daughters. Do you think things will change?
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