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I am a FREAKED OUT! embarrassed and don't understand..


Forum: Not Trying Not Preventing

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  #1  
May 26th, 2010, 11:08 AM
stars3liberty's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 466
Ok, so I joined these message boards because I have been off b/c and we have been NTNP. We don't discuss me getting prego on a regular basis but we are both on the same terms as...I AM NOT ON B/C AND WE DON'T USE PROTECTION AND HE DOESN'T PULL OUT. Well, we BD'd 6 days in a row right before, middle and after my O time a week and a half ago. He didn't pull out and figure, well going this route something might happen, like me getting pregnant. Well, here is where it gets bad...I didn't tell him I was on this message board and just thought it was fun...well he saw what websites I was going to and read my entries and he FREAKED OUT on me and said, ***! are you trying to get pregnant???????? what is going on here? what are you trying to do? I didn't know what to say. I am not trying to but I thought since we weren't using anything that he didn't mind. He said, "this is HORRIBLE TIMING..why would you go on a website and try to find out how to get pregnant? I was embarrassed and didn't knw what to say but that I thought we were NTNP.....well, we got over that arguement and I was like ok, well I guess it's clear we aren't ready and now I am praying to God that I am not prego because. He would think that I was setting this up behind his back or something, when I thought we both knew what we were doing. I am so scared. I am 8dpo and could possibly be prego, I don't want it to happen on these terms so I am really hoping that I am not pregnant at this point. But then it was so weird, last night, 2 days after our arguement over this situation we BD'd and he didn't pull out....AGAIN! I asked him why he didn't and he said he didn't know. I don't know what to think about all this....
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  #2  
May 26th, 2010, 11:30 AM
monkeymama2's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Ok, that is totally embarassing, so I understand. I'd kill my DH if he did that! And he is well aware we were TTC recently but I still think he'd be a little freaked by the level at which I was involved!
Actually though, his response sounds very familiar. When I first wanted to TTC for my daughter, I had been bringing up the topic of kids here and there, casually, like reasons to not wait. I never got any enthusiastic response. Then one night in bed I said "we shouldn't use a condom." He was like..what? and I said "Let's just see what happens." that totally threw him. He said I blindsided them, and said "I thought we'd talk about it" and I said "We are now!"
So we did talk about it, and it wasn't a fight really, but it was productive and he agreed with my plan. No condoms that night. Cut to 2 nights later, he goes to reach for a condom and I said "I thought we weren't doing that anymore?" and he got all shocked and said "What?? I thought that was just that night!!"

So we had the same conversation again!! It took awhile before we had to stop talking about it. And he really got into it, and was thrilled when I got pg 2 months later. Honestly, I think if I had waited for him to come around and said "I'm ready!" we'd have waited years. He sort of NEEDED to be shocked into it, and I'm ok with that.

So...just because he was shocked, and probably scared, doesn't mean it will turn out bad. I mean, when I got pg with #2, my son, we were both a little shocked, especially him because we weren't trying. But we were super happy.

So if you ARE pg, i will be ok. And if not, sounds like he IS ok with NTNP, but is too scared to say so.
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  #3  
May 26th, 2010, 02:26 PM
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Might I make a suggestion? Maybe you could let him read your post? It is honest and straighforward and tells all of your feelings in a way that maybe he could understand. If he could see where you are coming from and the honest mistake of a misunderstanding, maybe he can step back and rethink of how he is feeling and it could be a starting point to a conversation that could help smooth things over. I know my Joe wanted to TTC but didn't want to try and the first time without protection he almost threw up he was so nervouse we might have gotten pregnant. I hope it all works out and you both get to feeling better soon!
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  #4  
May 26th, 2010, 06:37 PM
stars3liberty's Avatar Veteran
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Thanks...these comments truly do make me feel better. I just felt so bad because he thought he was being betrayed and that I had this "plan" of getting prego behind his back, which was far from the truth. I am a firm believer in, it BOTH persons responsibility to prevent pregnancy and if he really didn't want it then he could have made it a point and taken precautions as well.

we just need better communication.
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  #5  
May 26th, 2010, 08:13 PM
MandyRS's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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yeahhhh.... sorry, just lurking on this board, but that's SUPER passive aggressive. Not pulling out with no other form of BC IS trying, the old fashioned way the world was populated before people knew anything about what on earth happened up in there, so if he's going to yell at you and then try to pull (or rather, not pull... hehe ) THAT, that is just ridiculous. Hope he sees that next time you two talk this over... you have nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to hide.
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  #6  
May 27th, 2010, 06:27 AM
stars3liberty's Avatar Veteran
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Gosh, thanks that makes me feel so much better. You guys have no idea how humiliated I was!LOL!!! I felt like one of those chics that trap their man by getting pregnant! LOL...(although we already have a baby together anyway)

What was even more weird was that we are currently out of town in Tulsa and staying in a hotel and after we BD'd he said, well I guess if we have a girl we could name her Tulsa....I said, ok whatever! so weird. I honestly think if it happened he wouldn't be THAT upset but I am forsure going back on b/c next month if I am not pregnant because I want it to be something we are both wanting and completely on the same page about.

ALSO...on that same note that I just posted above, I really love these boards and love to see the excitement and anticipation of a new arrival or preparation of one and the process and cheer others on, so even if we stop NTNP, I want to stay! But I also told him that I get on here for those purposes too, to see what's up with all the other girls ect... and their positive tests and also new arrivals and he thought I was lying...I mean he is FAR from controlling and would never make me stop but I am a stay at home mom and this is fun for me, so it's freaking ridiculous that I feel like I can't get on here w/out him wondering if I have some master plan...LOL!!!
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  #7  
May 27th, 2010, 06:15 PM
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My dh sometimes asks me what I write so much about on this board, but in reality I think he would rather me talk to other women about this than him. It sounds like he is getting over his initial shock, so I hope everything turns out okay either way.
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  #8  
May 28th, 2010, 02:26 AM
gee102
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Oh wow that would totally confuse me!! That's sad that he does that to you I hope it gets resolved soon. Mind games are not fun!!
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  #9  
May 29th, 2010, 07:05 AM
stars3liberty's Avatar Veteran
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Well...update on this is, I AM PREGNANT! ready or not...it is what it is.

We are out of town and I went to target to buy a test, well I didn't realize it was a blue dye, and thought I had a false positive. Then the next day I went and got a FRER, took one that night...negative, then took one the next morning with fmu and the line was barely there so then that night I bought 2 more and poas at 7pm and it was soooooooooo positive. I took another just to be sure and that one was too. I will post pics tomorrow because we are still out of town. Still in shock.
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  #10  
May 30th, 2010, 01:27 PM
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Wow! COngratulations! How did DH take it?
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  #11  
May 30th, 2010, 01:50 PM
stars3liberty's Avatar Veteran
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He is happy about it. Of course we both agree that we wanted to plan it a little better and I do wish that we were both on the same page from the beginning but he did agree too that he was just as bad about NTNP and throwing caution to the wind....every time! LOL! well, he or she is coming...and we will love it the same as all the others
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