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Help! Ease my husband's worries!!!!!

Forum: Not Trying Not Preventing


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  • 2 Post By Spyctre
  • 1 Post By ErinBoshnyak1985
  • 1 Post By xillah

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August 25th, 2012, 07:38 AM
ErinBoshnyak1985's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: **Cloud 9**
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Ok, so this might sound a lil crazy but I am first time posting and not sure where else to turn to....I figured I should turn to women who know how MUCH US LADIES WANT BABIES!!!! So just a tat bit of a background....
My husband and I have been married for two years and we have known each other for over 10 years (we dated back in 10th grade ) I'm about to be 27 in two months and he is and will be 26 15 days after me. We have no debt (other than our mortgage, but I don't really count that, I just look at as a long term rent where you have to fix everything yourself and mow your own lawn ), we both work (maybe not at the most fantastic places, but I am in a union so they can't just throw me around, and my husband is Russian by birth so he is bilingual and does translating work and invents in his spare time, he also has an AA and MRI training), we are certainly not party-goers (I was never much for the bar scene and neither was he), and we have a lifestyle that can be quirky at times but we both try to have fun all the time. I have wanted to have children for as long as I can remember, I describe myself as born-to-be mom. Currently, my husband and I are not exactly trying to prevent, but I might be more into having children than he is. I tend not to tell people this, as I get a lot of hurtful things said to me such as "You should divorce him and marry someone who wants kids as much as you do" (how on EARTH do you expect me to divorce my best friend?!?!?! You try it sometime!!!!) My husband is getting more and more used to the idea of being a dad, but it's still really scary for him. He looks at others with children or babies and shudders. I try to tell him it will be different when it's your own, but he's stubborn. Any ideas on how I can get his fears to calm (or maybe a similar situation where everything turned out alright)??? Like I said, my bio-clock has been ticking like crazy, and I want to find out if we need fertility treatments before it's too late.
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August 25th, 2012, 09:58 PM
Terra_Mater's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Calabasas, CA
Posts: 145
I have had so many similar interactions with DF in the past, although I was pretty young so can't say it wasn't for the best in my specific case.

Here are some things that worked for us to kind of cooperate with each other:

1. Give him time to prepare himself before having kids, negotiate on a fair time. I explained to DF that I did not want to have kids after 30 mainly because it's my body and I am the one that's going to be carrying the child. I basically stated that I had a right to decide in the matter, as did he, but we both need to compromise.

2. Turn up the heat in the bedroom. Play your best cards. Enact fantasies.

3. Save money while you wait. Create an account for your kid, so you can show him numbers. Men understand logical, stated fact. When you can show him you are ready, he will be on board

Good luck!
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August 26th, 2012, 07:14 AM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Freaking Louisiana
Posts: 7,666
My husband didn't want a second child, but I easily remedied that by seducing him. "Look, honey, boobies! Oh, how did this pregnancy test turn positive? One in a million honey..." I have him on board for a third, but only if conceived while NTNP. lol

My advice is start keeping track of your ovulation. Jump him around the right time. If he really didn't want kids, he'd be doing something to prevent it.
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August 26th, 2012, 07:51 AM
ErinBoshnyak1985's Avatar Super Mommy
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Thanks for your helpful advice! Those are really good ideas, I especially like showing him the numbers! I never thought of that....he's very inquisitive and looks at all possibilities. This is so great....and your right, if he didn't want kids he would prevent it .... heehee! hoping DTD goes well today
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August 26th, 2012, 09:08 PM
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 1
My husband is exactly the same way. Very set in his ways and reluctant to change the routine. He decided (all on his own) that he might not want kids--problem was we had already been together for years and were engaged by the time he told me this. He said the only way it was going to happen was if it was an accident, and then he'd totally be on board with it. What am I supposed to do, leave my soul mate because he values his video game time more than the idea of fatherhood? Doesn't work like that, yet people love to suggest it like it's no big thing to break the heart of a guy who's otherwise perfect for you.

The best I get from him is an ambiguous confession that he SOMETIMES thinks about having kids, but is sometimes glad we're childless too. Meanwhile, my clocks ticking, waiting for him to catch up with me.

Anyway, I've been wracking my brain trying to find a way to ease him into a scenario were an accident was even POSSIBLE. (TMI Warning) In the 7 years we've been together, hubs has been religiously using the pull-out method and WILL NOT take the risk of finishing inside...until I explained to him that I tried an ovulation kit and came up negative.

His words: "Hell, you can't argue with science."

So here's hoping it gets easier to ease him into the next phase. I totally agree with Terra_Mater about presenting him with something logic-based to grab onto. I think it comforts men a little. I guess it's a comfort to me to know that the ovulation tests are 98% accurate--accidents can still happen.
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Last edited by xillah; August 26th, 2012 at 09:13 PM.
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August 26th, 2012, 09:29 PM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Freaking Louisiana
Posts: 7,666
I had a friend to get pregnant with the pull out method twice, but technically, only one was a failure. The first one was a woopsie. The second one, on the other hand.... She scooped up the sperm and masturbated it into herself. Boom. Pregnant!

Y'all are a lot better than me, explaining with logic. If my hubby would ejaculate inside if I said the OPK was a negative, I would suddenly have a whole lot of negatives around my fertile time! My goodness, why hold up life? Do they want teenagers in their 50's? I'm already cutting it close with DD2. My next will spend at least one teen year with me in that decade.
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August 27th, 2012, 08:03 AM
Terra_Mater's Avatar Veteran
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Last edited by Terra_Mater; August 27th, 2012 at 08:34 AM.
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biological clock ticking , fear , husband , husband not as excited , infertility

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