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I have been a member of justmommies for nearly four years and have occasionally popped into am i pregnant on the odd occasion that I have fooled myself into thinking the pill might have failed on antibiotics or something similar. However, I have five more pills left in my packet and after that I will be done with them for the first time in around 7 years. DH has been mostly pretending to be on the anti baby team for years now but every now and then would get a glimpse of a completely different story that I knew to be closer to the truth if he wasn't scared of the prospect of being a father. I had noticed that he was starting to ease up on his stance, especially since our wedding in Feb but would still enjoy his babies are good/babies are bad "arguments" with my dad (or maybe he was looking for a bit of extra convincing that everything will be ok?). In summary there has been some noticeable softening on his part this year especially, an "I wouldn't mind if we had kids, it would probably be better if t was sooner rather than later" from him last weekend, me making a big show of and teasing about throwing out the pill (he looked at them in the bin and took the bin out in response to that one), teasing about how I'm not going back on the pill after this month, telling him how I run out of pills in a few days and that I'm going to leave him random presents so he doesn't know when he is getting one that has a BFP inside. I think he just lets me think I'm in charge! As I said to him, "You just like letting me think that all this is my idea and that you are going to be surprised when it happens". His response was to laugh and say that "I'm going to go to open a present on my desk, shake it and think it's tic tacs and open it to find a rattle. **** it!". Kind of like how he let me think that I was the one convincing him to look at engagement rings when he has already been shopping for months beforehand.
Sorry it's so long and obnoxious but there is noone that I can really tell this to in real life because we would like to keep it to ourselves but I am absolutely bursting with all sorts of different emotions and thoughts. I've been absolutely baby mad since we had a misscarriage when we were 17 but it's never been the right time and he hasn't been ready yet. Now he seems to be on board and, insted of him being the one who's a mess, I'M the one that can't sleep! This is something I've wanted for more than half a decade and I'm excited that it's so close, scared of what might go wrong and hopeful for the future. He is not one of those people who wants all the details and thinks that the second I go off the pill I will get pregnant so we are going to stop the pill and see what happens. I'm not so sure. I know we are stll young but I'm worried because, while we did get pregnant by accident from one broken condom back when we were young, the pregnancy wasn't viable. Part of me feels that, even though I know it's not rational, I don't deserve another chance. That I killed my baby by being in total denial and being so terrified that I told noone except my now husband and one other friend. I didn't even go to the doctor while pregnant or after misscarrying which I see is beyond dumb now. I feel like I might not get another baby because I let my first down so much. I hope that doesn't offend anyone and that is in no way what I feel that it is what others who have had a misscarriage have done or deserve. Just what I'm silly enough to make myself feel even after all this time. I would love some feedback, maybe a talk down or talk up or something XD. Again, sorry I'm so rambling here and made this painful to read. I promise I won't go so nuts in my next posts, I promise ! I look forward to following you all and sharing in your stories. I swear I am not usually this much of a crazy lady but it is nice to let out some of it every now and then.
It's hard to not think of the miscarriage when you are thinking about a new life again. I had one when I was 16, and a chemical pregnancy a couple years ago. The first one, I was a mess... I remember crying on my hubby's shoulder saying "What did I do?" Then I was even more bitter after the chemical pregnancy saying, What did you do that for! On the second one, it was a year before our wedding, and he was in shock, and worried, and I thought God changed his mind.
Just be happy about the possibility of a new addition, and remember the rug doesn't always move from underneath you.
Don't worry, miscarriages are not y'all's fault. Reproduction is like life; it's imperfect.
But welcome. =) Congratulations on your marriage, how exciting! I hope you have a short wait after you get off the pill. You will more than likely get pregnant again. have you thought about names or which gender you want first yet?
I'm hoping for a Halloween 2013 baby. Praying for him, we'll see what happens!
James ♥ Arwen est. April 2, 2005
♥ Alice Marie - January 9, 2008
♥ Winter Rose - February 14, 2012
♥ Liliana Vale - September 25, 2013
♥ Daniel Constantine - July 19, 2016
Thanks for the support and well wishes I know it's not logical because every pregnancy is different and really I think it happened because it just wasn't meant to be at the time but it still sits there in the back of the mind. I'm sure everything will work out fine in the end. We both would really like a boy first and we have had a name for our son for... oh 5 years or so XD. But my husband is convinced that we will end up with all girls and he will have to chase the boys off with sticks for the next 20 odd years . I would kind of like a December baby but I also be more than happy to get pregnant before then.