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Reintroduction - Still convincing DH to TTC


Forum: Not Trying Not Preventing

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  #1  
October 3rd, 2012, 09:53 PM
annmarie's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Gothenburg, Nebraska
Posts: 1,765
I pop in & out of here & really just need to vent somewhere! I love reading all the posts & confirming that my thoughts are normal. My DS will be 3 in December & it took 2 yrs, Clomid, trigger shots & 4 IUI's (with 1 MC) to get him. So I'm rather confident that we won't end up with a suprise baby! I went ahead & got the Mirena IUD after he was born & had it removed in February. DH does not know that though. I've brought up another baby to him and he still says no & to not have my IUD removed. It was a very rough TTC & pregnancy so he's determined he doesn't want any more kids. I'm still working on that & building up the courage to have another serious conversation about it even though I know where it will get me & most likely end in an argument. So in the meantime I'm basically TTC without his knowledge. Yes, I know that sounds aweful! I'm having horrible baby fever & my son is getting old enough that he's becoming very interested in babies which does not help at all!! So I guess I just needed to spill that to someone. We have discussed how nice it would be to not tell anyone about being pregnant until quite a ways into it then not finding out the sex of the baby because we didn't have those options the 1st time. So I still don't want to talk to anyone about wanting another baby so badly. Anyone else in a similar situation?
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  #2  
October 4th, 2012, 06:28 AM
jellybean93's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: South Africa
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I guess i am in a very similar situation as you.

The only reason we are NTNP is because i put DF in charge on contraception from January. Hes kind of ignorant to the fact that it could very well end in pregnancy (and i guess me knowing that is sort of tricking him in a sense?).
If only i could actually ovulate though... sigh.

At the end of the day it is your body and you do get to choose if you want to have the IUD or not... What i did was i told my DF that i am not going to continue putting synthetic hormones into my body any longer and if he wanted to use contraception there are condoms in the drawer. We used condoms twice and he got lazy. So he felt like he had a choice in the matter and i got my way too, i knew the condoms wouldn't last so really it was fooling him too.

I love these boards, we get to get things off our minds that we wouldn't really tell anyone else. Its a huge relief for me... Hope you come right with your hubby eventually though
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  #3  
October 4th, 2012, 06:38 AM
jkgreen's Avatar Awaiting Our First Bundle
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 472
I love it.. I really do! I'll be the first to admit that I am extremely spoiled! LOL It's not my fault... I didn't get this way on my own! I know that if I say something I usually get it.. Here is the kicker.. not always on my time though. DH makes the final decision. I actually did the immature thing, and did the not talking...... oh and leaving my diary out every once in awhile. When he was finally what is wrong? I told him.. and here we are: NTNP. Which is pretty much what you are doing... I too don't ovulate regularly, and I explained to him that it won't happen right away. He agreed.. I'm not sure if I am proud of my tactics or not.. but like I said.. here I am!

My friend did the same.. She wanted another and he was like no.. no.. one's enough. Easy for you to say, there is your boy sitting right there. So she said she isn't taking BC pills anymore and condoms in the drawer. The next month they found out that they were pregnant.. Oh to be that lucky right!?
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  #4  
October 4th, 2012, 08:43 PM
annmarie's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Gothenburg, Nebraska
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I had a talk with DH again & told him I'm not taking any more forms of birth control. Unfortunately he's set on not having any more children & couldn't be convinced differently. He mentioned vasectomy but I just wasn't ready for that conversation so that's where it ended. So basically, there will be no more children for us & I'm trying my best to accept it. It's been really tough!! I guess my stay here was incredibly brief & I wish you all the best of luck.
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  #5  
October 5th, 2012, 10:15 AM
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Location: Auburn, PA
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Aww I feel for you! Cause when your heart is set on something especially a baby it is hard to not think about. Has your DH said why he doesn't want anymore? Was it because of the complications you had conceiving with the first?
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  #6  
October 5th, 2012, 03:00 PM
TerriLF's Avatar Super Mommy
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Posts: 566
My husband told me no more and once that was all I could talk about, cry about or thinkg about, he now says if it happens it is meant to be but I am still going to do the NFP and try to figure out my cylces. In my head him saying if it happens it was meant to be is a huge step and hopefully we will be "surprised" with a baby in October of next year..we will see though.

I saw keep talking to him. Things this big ruin marriages. That is what I had in my head and that is what I told my husband. I wasn't willing to give in and I knew he didn't have any really good reason to not have more (besides ours are handfuls right now but they won't stay 3 and 2 forever)...keep working on him. I was an only child and a spoiled brat and would have given it all back to have a sibling (my 1/2 siblings were 16 yrs older than me and only came a few times a year)..
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  #7  
October 6th, 2012, 09:53 AM
Leah
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,875
If he's only concerned about all the effort and stress put into conceiving last time, perhaps he'd be OK going natural, NTNP, for now? By bringing a vasectomy up, I'd wonder if his issue is whether he wants more versus whether he doesn't want to go through all of that again.

FWIW, and not to get hopes up, I just read an article about how 17 - 20% of women who could not conceive naturally the first time, did so the next.

Good luck!
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  #8  
October 6th, 2012, 06:38 PM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
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Location: Freaking Louisiana
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My husband didn't think I'd get pregnant again since it took almost three years for us to become parents, but then I got pregnant 5 times after that. lol
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  #9  
October 6th, 2012, 08:06 PM
annmarie's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Gothenburg, Nebraska
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He's got a few reasons. One is definitely that it was so hard getting pregnant the 1st time but that's really the smallest issue. The pregnancy was very scary & difficult which is a huge reason. Every time we turned around something was wrong. We didn't know what the baby's health would be like, he had a hole in his heart, I was on bed rest at 20 weeks for contractions, induced at 37 wks due to preeclampsia then baby had to be resuscitated & sent to nicu for a bit. So it was scary. But he's almost 3 now so getting more independent so we're able to go do more stuff. We're in a really good place financially & he wants to stay that way too. He's really upset & heartbroken because he knows how badly I want this but he just doesn't. So he feels like he's really hurting me. I do want another one really bad but it's also not something I'm willing to risk my marriage for & potentially split up the family we have with our son. So who knows, maybe he'll change his mind but I doubt it & I'm certainly not pushing it! Thank you all for the support! It really is nice to just vent
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  #10  
October 8th, 2012, 08:53 AM
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Location: Auburn, PA
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So Sorry to hear that about your first pregnancy and the birth of your child. That had to be so hard to deal with. Well I do hope DH changes his mind and comes on board with you. Cause every pregnancy is different and birth your next baby you could have a completely healthy and wonderful 9 months and have no worries. you never know
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