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Can you be "TTC" while hubby is "NTNP"?


Forum: Not Trying Not Preventing

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  #1  
November 29th, 2013, 06:37 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 99
I'll make this brief. Over the summer I brought up the possibility of having a 4th child, totally expecting DH to flip out and say no. I had run out of birth control the week before and we had dtd a few times since then. His answer was "Well you noticed I'm not too concerned about you getting pregnant since we haven't been using any backup".

He said we have already "gone over the cliff" with three (meaning we're already outnumbered, lol) and he would not mind it if I got pregnant again. Yet when I pressed him about TTC he just kept saying it was ok with him if I got pg.

I took this to mean he was ok with NTNP. I on the other hand, have to monitor my ovulation since I have a short luteal phase and had to use progesterone cream in order to conceive our last baby. So technically I am TTC, since I know when I'm ovulating and have to take steps to ensure a pregnancy happens. Of course since I want a baby, and know when I'm Oing, I will sometimes intiate intimacy on those nights as well.

Is that being deceptive? It is so weird for me as Dh was always TTC with me in the past and knew when we were dtd on the right nights and such. He never liked it though so I'm guessing he would just rather not worry about it and let me just come up one day and tell him I'm pg? It seels secretive or something. I bought pregnancy tests and hid them because I wasn't sure if it would weird Dh out to see them since he just wants to "let things happen".

Any thoughts on this? TIA
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  #2  
December 1st, 2013, 01:05 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 2,943
I think you should take your hints from your hubby. He sounds alot like mine. He loves his children but the thought of intentionally making the plunge scares him. So he has oopses around o time and pretends to he shocked when I conceive. Lol his comments sound like he likes the idea of the baby, but the stress of making it happen makes him nervous. I think he wants you to take the decision out of his hands so to speak. Maybe ask if he would be ok with you using to cream to safe guard any children you do conceive, since it sounds like miscarriage would be risky without it, and then just be calm about when you dtd. Think he would be comfortable with that? You would be safeguarding your baby while still keeping the ttc stress free for him. Good luck!
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  #3  
December 1st, 2013, 02:51 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: California
Posts: 684
THIS is exactly how my bf and I are! He is NTNP and I am slightly TTC...He knows im on meds for my cycle and he knows I want a baby but he would rather be surprised than TTC plus we never have time to try...its just an if situation. I was also told it would be hard for me to conceive from my health past and hormone imbalance and the meds I am on so he basically just has the run and lets me go crazy. I am now 9 days late from the cycle I had the past 3 months but im on new meds so im not even testing yet LOL I am convinced im not plus we only dtd once....anyway I just wanna say I feel the same way and what the other poster said is dead on hahah
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  #4  
December 3rd, 2013, 09:26 AM
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Central Indiana
Posts: 1,621
I understand where you are on this. We have 2. I had a tubal after dd #2 but came up pregnant in aug but mc a week later. I recently had an HSG test and found out that my right tube is connected and open so I really want to have another one but he doesnt really want another. We arent using anything. I'm not sure if he knows that I'm tracking my ovulation but I made it a point last week to dtd while i was. right now I am 7 dpo so we are waiting. good luck to you
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  #5  
December 3rd, 2013, 02:44 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: in the snow
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Yes, it is totally ok for what you two are doing, if he was against having another baby his responces would NOT be that nonchalant!! Men and women are definately on different wavelengths when it comes to ttc, but he sounds like he doesn't want to stress about it, while you obviously know you have totake additional steps to maintain a healthy pregnancy...
its only being responsible on your part to track and chart given your Lp issue, and I don't know any mommy who would do differently!
Good luck!
btw, keeping a hidden stash of hpts is a normal female thing to do lol!!
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  #6  
December 8th, 2013, 05:44 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 99
Haha, thanks for the advice and reassurance ladies. I think he does want another one, the way he has responded about the whole thing. He has always hated ttc, says it feels unnatural etc. So I'm just going to keep doing my thing! I'm 7dpo right now and although I haven't been super stressed about when it will happen, Im kinda hoping for a nice surprise. It would be really fun to tell Dh at Christmas! :-) We'll see. Baby dust to you all!
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  #7  
January 31st, 2014, 07:32 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 224
Same boat! My hubby is looking forward to being a parent, but he's in the whole "we've been preventing pregnancy for 12 years, it's weird to think about changing how I think about sex" and it's very nerve-wracking for him. I have let him know that I have irregular periods and that it may be hard for us to get pregnant, so he gets that. He basically told me that he wants to live under the illusion that it's all romantic and lovely and not at all calculating and clinical. He hates the term 'actively trying', and has told me that I need to "woo" him!! So, I keep my opk's and hpt hidden and track everything on my own. I initiate bd when I know it's time, and leave it at that. At times it does feel very secretive, but I know he'd be worse for wear if I dragged him into it. For me, it just feels a little lonely, because I don't feel like I can talk about all my crazy symptom tracking, or when I feel sure this is the month, or how depressed I get when it's not. I'm just glad I found JM and all you guys to have as a sounding board and to give back a little too. It's nice to know I'm not the only crazy lady out there
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  #8  
February 1st, 2014, 08:43 PM
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Central Indiana
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Well I think we may have gotten it this month and DH started a couple days ago making it clear that he doesnt want anymore now. He said that after the mc in Aug that he doesnt want either of us to go through that again. I would love for it to happen and for it to be a boy. I think if we find out that it is a boy that he will be super excited. Just feeling really bad and depressed right now.
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  #9  
February 15th, 2014, 12:39 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2
I think your husband is just being nonchalant about the topic of you getting pregnant again. It may be that deep down inside he's scared of having to wake up in the middle of the night to change diapers again or worried about the family's finances. But I'm pretty sure that if you are pregnant he'll be just as happy as you are!
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Last edited by amyjones3; February 15th, 2014 at 01:03 AM.
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  #10  
February 16th, 2014, 10:05 AM
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Central Indiana
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I told him on my bday that we are pregnant and he has been warming up to the idea and being supportive and holding my belly a lot too. he said he is ok with having another girl but i know he really really wants another boy. we are trying to decide what to do for our living arrangements. we are browsing homes and will talk to the town and the property owners where we live and see if we can add on to our existing home (which is a mobile home).
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