Log In Sign Up

Pregnant with BF of 7 Years Unexpected and Scared


Forum: Not Trying Not Preventing

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Like Tree2Likes
  • 1 Post By Spyctre
  • 1 Post By Sarah7181

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Not Trying Not Preventing LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
March 11th, 2014, 10:24 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 4
Hello ladies,

I am writing this post because I am scared and stressed out of my mind. I have been with my boyfriend of 7 years. We started dating when I was 19 in high school, now I am 25 and he is just turning 24 this March 13th.

I lost my virginity to him, and we've been through so many things with each other throughout all of these years. We've had unprotected sex our entire relationship. In the beginning he hardly ever pulled out, and I never got pregnant. A couple years later we switched over to using the pull-out method much more frequently (not always, but waay way more), and it had worked wonderfully for years.

We had convinced ourselves that we had infertility problems because it's not normal to have intercourse for that long and just not get pregnant. We told each other that when we were ready to have kids that we would just go see a fertility doctor.

I am ashamed to say this, but we both live at home with his mother. Her territory is the living-room and her bedroom, while my boyfriend and I live in the back 2 bedrooms with 6 cats. I freelance write at home and average anywhere from only $30 a week to $200 on a good week. My boyfriend works at home too doing Croakies. He averages only $300-$550 per month.

I am now officially 7 weeks and 1 day pregnant for the very first time in my life. Right when my boyfriend found out that I was pregnant he said "what are you thinking?" and I was so in shock I didn't really have an answer, so it seems that he's been determined to make that answer for me.

I logically agree with him that getting an abortion may be the best answer for this kind of predicament. Yet when it comes to making the appointment, or he brings it up I get angry, upset and hurt.

We both pictured having children together... but not at all like this. We wanted to be in our own place, married, quite a bit more financially stable and able to give the baby everything that it needs.
Just because I am suddenly pregnant I do not want to have to instantly get married before the baby comes, I do not want to have to be tied down to welfare and stuck in a vicious circle. Yet the thought of abortion and yes, even adoption seem to really bother and upset me, even though I know it seems to be the smartest decision.

I understand that there can be many cruel judgements made towards my situation, but I am not looking for mean remarks. I am lost. I have been praying and praying, and I feel like I have no idea what to do. My boyfriend absolutely refuses the idea of this baby being born.

It is not that I personally do not want this baby or that I am incapable of loving it... but to give it everything it truly needs is another huge important matter to me. I don't want to tie my boyfriend down to the idea that he HAS to have this baby. He really really really does not want it. Which makes me feel extremely alone and backed against a wall. Sometimes I have very bitter thoughts towards him, but I am trying to keep my composure the best that I can. I feel like no matter what decision I make, I am wrong.

Is there any light to be shed in this kind of a situation?


**7 Years
Reply With Quote
  #2  
April 2nd, 2014, 02:11 PM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Freaking Louisiana
Posts: 7,620
I know this reply is late, but you would probably find better help on the unplanned pregnancy board.

Now that I said that, here's my 2 cents. It's not his decision what you do. I know he helped make the baby, and it is just as much his doing as yours, but in the end, it is not his choice. It's yours. Your situation isn't dire. You both have a roof over your heads, you are happy together, you have grandma living right there with you, and she will probably be more than willing to help.

I know you don't want to be on assistance, but if you got it and then went to college or trade school, you could get a good job in a few years. One of you could get a steady job while another did college. One work in the morning, one school at nigh, etc. And honestly, if you wait till you can AFFORD kids, you might never have them. Not many people can really and truly afford children the way we'd like. Most of us learn to budget. My husband pulls about as much as y'all make together working at Walmart. We have 3 kids. We budget, and we are happy.
CharlaJoy likes this.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
April 21st, 2014, 10:06 PM
cypressmama's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: TX
Posts: 551
I just logged in and saw this. I wish I could give you a hug cause I have TOTALLY been in your shoes and know how you feel. My (now husband) then brand new boyfriend and I got pregnant and I was in between places he lived at home. I was jobless and not a penny to my name he had all of MAYBE $1000 to his name and my debt more than quadrupled that. We decided to keep the baby but unfortunately I had a miscarriage and it was the worst pain I have ever gone through in my life. I want to encourage you that there are TONS of resources available pregnancy help centers that will help you find assistance (medical care, food, housing, a job, and will pay for your medical care even help you find an amazing home for that baby. I have several friends who are unable to conceive that are very financially stable, amazing loving kind intelligent giving people who want nothing more then to adopt a baby. If you are interested I can get you in touch with some of them and with some resources to help support you in whatever you choose. I absolutely do not judge. but I beg you to consider giving your precious little one a chance to have a good life *either with you if you so choose, or with a family who you would choose* You are a brave beautiful person to consider giving this baby life. (I feel like that is why your heart is telling you abortion is not the best choice) but that being said If you need someone to talk to I would happily talk with you. Praying for you! (hugs)
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #4  
April 22nd, 2014, 08:12 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 2,971
Quote:
Originally Posted by cypressmama View Post
I just logged in and saw this. I wish I could give you a hug cause I have TOTALLY been in your shoes and know how you feel. My (now husband) then brand new boyfriend and I got pregnant and I was in between places he lived at home. I was jobless and not a penny to my name he had all of MAYBE $1000 to his name and my debt more than quadrupled that. We decided to keep the baby but unfortunately I had a miscarriage and it was the worst pain I have ever gone through in my life. I want to encourage you that there are TONS of resources available pregnancy help centers that will help you find assistance (medical care, food, housing, a job, and will pay for your medical care even help you find an amazing home for that baby. I have several friends who are unable to conceive that are very financially stable, amazing loving kind intelligent giving people who want nothing more then to adopt a baby. If you are interested I can get you in touch with some of them and with some resources to help support you in whatever you choose. I absolutely do not judge. but I beg you to consider giving your precious little one a chance to have a good life *either with you if you so choose, or with a family who you would choose* You are a brave beautiful person to consider giving this baby life. (I feel like that is why your heart is telling you abortion is not the best choice) but that being said If you need someone to talk to I would happily talk with you. Praying for you! (hugs)
Wow, our stories are very similar and we also live in cypress.
__________________
[CENTER]
Reply With Quote
  #5  
April 22nd, 2014, 08:25 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 2,971
When I found out I was pregnant with ella, I was 25 and had been dating her daddy for 3 months. We were young and barely making ends meet. I had horrendous morning sickness and found out our water had been turned off. It took us a week to get it turned back on again. Lol I remember the only 2 things I was sure about was jared, and that I wanted that baby. I had no idea how on earth we were actually going to make that work tho. We married when I was 5 months along at the court house; me in brown maternity pants. It was all we could afford. that was nearly 9 years ago. Ella is turning 8 in august, and is on the a honor role. She's the oldest of 4. We own our own home, and dh is now an engineer and I'm able to comfortably be a sahm. I couldn't have pictured this back then. Have faith! This little one kust have something important to do to come at such a time. Perhaps it's to help change the path of your life? Hold on to what your sure of in your heart, and then take it one day at a time. The details will work out. Big hugs!!! I remember how it felt to be you, I was so so scared. The girls here are amazing support. This board is slow, but the due date boards are much faster.
AtomicMama likes this.
__________________
[CENTER]
Reply With Quote
  #6  
July 3rd, 2014, 09:58 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 113
hi,I know this is pretty late.Everything happens for a reason.We should be responsible with our actions.I know you will be great mom to your baby.Many desired to have a child but not all are lucky to have one.May God guide and bless you.Be strong
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:42 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0