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19 month old behavior...


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  #1  
December 29th, 2008, 10:13 AM
braeden&chase'smom's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Tucson AZ
Posts: 210
Hi! I'm Amy, first time posting on this thread. I have a 19 month old son, Braeden. My DH and I are really having a hard time with our son's behavior and I was looking for some advice. The main issuse at this time is that he whines and crys almost all of the time he is with us. I know he is not sick, hungry or tired, bored maybe, maybe he wants more attention from us. When he is at the g-parents he is an angel, when he comes home the crying starts. This is getting to be the hardest thing to handle and I find myself yelling back at him at times because I can't take it. We are also having an issue with him hitting and throwing things at us (toys, shoes, things that can hurt us). He knows it is wrong, yet continues. I am so stern with him when he does it, so is my DH. We put him in his time out chair and repeat that he cannot do that. I think that maybe the terrible 2's are starting early with him. How does a first time mom get through this time???

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  #2  
December 29th, 2008, 04:42 PM
Hart_N_Sole
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It's the age. It will get better with time.

Our first son went through it, and our second son is also 19 months old now, like your son, and all he does all day long is scream, cry, and get angry. He throws things at me, his brother, the doors, the windows. He smacks, he punches. He is easily upset by the slightest thing. It's such a trying time, sometimes I want to .

My best advice for you is to put him in his room when he is pushing you to the point of screaming back at him, and give yourself 10 minutes or so to breathe and calm back down. Just make sure he is safe in his crib or bed, and shut the door. It's okay to take time to gather yourself.

Hang in there, and congrats on your pregnancy!
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  #3  
December 29th, 2008, 04:48 PM
~Valerie~
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My 18 month old pretty much whines and screams all day as well. Some days are better than others, if I hold him he's fine, the second i put him down he starts screaming. I just ignore him but it does get hard at times. I just keep remembering myself that he'll more than likely get out of that "phase"
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  #4  
December 30th, 2008, 05:12 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 26
Well, I'm not sure if it will help at all, but my little one tends to whine more when both Momma and Daddy are around. Having a little bit of one-on-one playtime with each of us before we all get together as a family seems to help her. It's sort of like she doesn't know who to pay attention to when we're both together, and she's concerned that we are paying more attention to each other than her...so we worked out a schedule where I'm alone with her in the morning, Daddy's alone with her in the afternoon and we're all together in the evenings.

Also, a piece of advice as you're approaching the terrible twos - take a deep breath and try to remind yourself that it's harder for your child than it is for you. Just stop and think of that - one reason they get so upset is because they want something and don't necessarily know the words to express it. It's very frustrating for them (for us too, but more so for them!)

We used to have some issues when my little one would point in some vague general direction and say "This???" when she didn't know the word for what she wanted. She would scream and scream and scream, "THIS!!!!" and then get really upset. Of course, Daddy and I didn't understand what she was saying and she got more and more upset as the minutes went by.

So we started picking her up as her pitch and/or volume started to get higher and say, "Show me" and walk around with her toward the direction of what she was pointing at. It's a guessing game, but it gives you a chance to teach her more words. And it also helps her know that "sweetie, we DO hear you."

I really think that helps.

Also, I understand why you want to ignore your little one when the whining starts- sometimes I'd like to do nothing more than that.

But I find that it's more effective to ignore the behavior itself and pay attention to her. Like when my little one wants something and I tell her no, she'll start screaming and bury her face in my lap. I'll still hold her, but the NO doesn't change. I think that helps her feel that it's okay that she's upset with me and that I'll ALWAYS give her hugs and kisses....I just won't necessarily give her what she wants. She can cry all she wants and I'll still hold her and hug her and love her, but the crying won't make me give in and get her what she wants.
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  #5  
December 30th, 2008, 05:31 AM
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I'm not trying to play psychologist here, or say that your little one's behavior is abnormal. Sounds totally normal to me!
But are you and DH tense at home sometimes? Is your schedule a little hectic? Are you two "not necessarily arguing" but short with each other sometimes? Kids sometimes pick up on that and mirror what they see at home. If you guys withdraw from each other and/or argue or used raised voices with each other, he might be picking up on that behavior.

(HA, RIGHT!!! I'm sure you and DH throw shoes at each other all the time! J/K!!!!! Sometimes I DO want to throw shoes...doesn't every mother???!!!????)

Our little one has been very conscious of not throwing things - she did it once when she was probably...oh....18 months? And I said, "Oh, No! We gave the block a BOO-BOO! Can we pick it up and kiss it and say sorry?" Sure enough, she said, "Sowwy, Bock!!!" and kissed it and has never thrown anything again. Sometimes it helps to sort of pretend that inanimate objects have feelings and make it clear that these 'things' belong to us and we need to take care of them.

Just an idea.
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  #6  
January 1st, 2009, 07:37 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,612
Wow, your story sounds almost identical to my son, only he's only 15 months! He doesn't hit or throw things at us so much, but I've been starting to wonder if I'm a bad parent or something. I just don't know why he's happy at the babysitter and grandmas and miserable at home. I guess some of the posts explain a little bit. I don't have any advice, but you're definitely not alone!
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  #7  
January 2nd, 2009, 07:56 AM
Eowyn's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,400
Talk to your parents. See what they are doing differently since he behaves well for them but not for you. be honest with yourself and be willing to admit if youre doing something wrong and open to changing yourself, your parenting methods or whatever else it need be for whats best for your child.
when a child is unhappy at home dont ever wave it off as 'just a phase'~if your child is miserable you do something about it.
DD started being the most unhappy child on the planet around 18 months and i didnt have any idea why-she was up til then the most cheerful little baby girl- Everyone told us "oh its just a phase they all go through" After weeks of it I looked at her and thought "what if I spent all day whining and crying and sitting around the house completely miserable? and then everyone told me "dont sweat it- its just a phase- you'll get through it" and never did a darn thing about it to help me??" If an adult acts out- we find the reason and fix it. Children should be no different- they dont act out for no reason whatsoever. theres always a reason-and always a solution. the biggest mistake a parent can make is ignoring it.
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  #8  
January 2nd, 2009, 08:10 AM
AmAnDaMo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 3,671
You said that you think he wants more attention from you...that means positive or negative attention. I'd be willing to bet that's where the throwing comes in. When you yell and make a big deal about it, he's getting the attention he's seeking. You said he knows that isn't appropriate. My reaction would be to get up and leave the room when he behaves that way. He will know you're upset with the way he's acting, but he won't be getting any kind of attention for it. I'd also give him lots of attention and praise when he's behaving so he realizes that positive attention is so much better.

Crying for no reason and whining simply isn't tolerated in our house. If something is wrong, he needs to tell you what that is. I would also make sure he knows that he isn't going to get anything he wants unless he asks for it appropriately. I'd tell him that if he wants to whine and cry, he must be tired and it's time to spend some time in his room. I don't believe it's a phase or something that comes along with that age at all. It's a learned behavior, and somewhere along the line he has gotten what he wants that way.
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  #9  
January 2nd, 2009, 08:17 AM
Eowyn's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Crying for no reason and whining simply isn't tolerated in our house. If something is wrong, he needs to tell you what that is. I would also make sure he knows that he isn't going to get anything he wants unless he asks for it appropriately. I'd tell him that if he wants to whine and cry, he must be tired and it's time to spend some time in his room. I don't believe it's a phase or something that comes along with that age at all. It's a learned behavior, and somewhere along the line he has gotten what he wants that way.[/b]
well said!!

(I dont use room time outs myself but if its works for your [relative 'your'] child then thats the way to go.)
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