[esteelynn]

My dd just turned 2 on April 19th and she is definitely living up to the "terrible twos." We went to the zoo today and whenever she got angry (didn't want to ride in stroller, didn't want to hold dh's hand, etc, etc.) she threw herself on the ground and screamed. Dh and I just stared at her when she did this the first time because she has never done that before. We tried talking to her, putting her in her stroller until she calmed down, anything we could think of. HELP! What do I do? What do you find to be effective? When she gets mad at home I can ignore her (if I know she is "fake" crying to get what she wants) and she will stop whining, but in a public place? I don't want her to hurt herself. I was mortified. AND I heard a woman say very loudly to her friend, "What does she think she is doing having another one when she can't even handle the one she has." I was devastated.

Any kind of advice that you have would be MORE than appreciated. Thanks.

[Alice]

For starters, that woman was RUDE and way out of line. So ignore her!!!!

I think there are two approaches to the terrible twos. One is to head off the problem. Your daughter is dying to be a big kid and exert some independance. So put some thought into it and, when it doesn't matter, head her off at the pass and offer it to her: let her walk until she's tired enough for the stroller, let her choose her own clothes (as long as it's weather appropriate and not a formal occasion, like a Christening.) Offer her the independance in limited doses so that you don't have a zillion arguments each day over things that don't matter in the long run.

On the other hand, some times you've got to say NO. So, NO, you can't sit in the front seat of the car; you've got to get into the car seat. And NO, you can't play in the street, and so on. So you're going to deal with the tantrum.

At the risk of being one of those moms who "can't handle" her kids, I let them cry and yell. When it's possible, I try to get her a little privacy, not to avoid the rude comments, but because I think its' the kind thing to do with a child trying to get control of her emotions. With some kids, a strong hug helps. As things are winding down, offer her a hug. But you've just got to wait it out; you can't give in on everything-- sometimes it's a safety issue, and sometimes it's about control, but keep in mind: it's not about YOU, it's about her trying to grow up. So try to stay patient and not be embarassed. Most of the people walking by remember their own kids at that stage and understand.

[Banned-ANLmom]

No one, and I don't care how much they think their crap doesn't stink, has a handle on a child phasing through life. That woman need thumped upside her head.

That being said, I have duct tape and I will share!

Seriously though, I ignore it, I look right at the kid, and I say, "I can't hear you when you scream like that" I don't care who has dirty looks or smart remarks, I deal with my kids my way. Once I had a woman come up and say "I'll spank him for you"Oh hell no! I said to her "no thanks, when he screams I know where he is, where are your kids?"

I found that looking him in the eyes and asking him to calm down works for me.

But it does not work when my dh does it so who knows. let her scream. ignore people they are idiots. everyone likes to pretend their kids are angels and they never throw tantrums.

they all do it, and they all do it loud and at the exact moment you wish they wouldnt. just make sure she is not hurting herself, try to find something that works for you.

[3Xblessed]

I'm with the let them cry crew. If we are in public I tell whichever one it is that if they can't behave that we will go home. It only takes doing this once or twice before they realize that your serious (it sucks to leave the zoo but sometimes you just have to).

Other than that try to keep a sense of humor. I have actually looked at my 2yo and asked if that the best they can do. She stopped and looked at me weird.

[nmyddseyes]

ITA with everyone here especially with that rude woman she would not like me at all how I raise my child then LOL. ON WELL.

When Alexis has her "moments" I ignore it in public too (well sorta) now being in an outdoor setting is a different story but normally in a store when she has a tantrum I go fine then I'm leaving you stay and have your tantrum and slowly walk away then suddenly you see the transformation of I don't want mommy leave me so I better stop and follow. It has worked for us (most times). Also, like Alice says by giving her freedom (with limitations) with help. for ME I have used a wrist leash for Alexis and she calls it her "bracelett" and as a rule she has two choices: to be free and be able to walk all over with the bracelett or two have sit on mommy's lap on the wheelchair. (What sounds better to you?) This logical thinking works on 2 year olds! I know lot of people don't like "leashes" but guess what it better than keeping them in strollers untill their 5 (because you are afraid they will run off on you)-nothing wrong with that of course. And it a peace of mind that they won't slip away from your hand as well. ;-) That is what I tell people when they laugh and say you got you kid on a leash?!? LOL

Tantrums at home are easier to deal with-Time-outs! and like you said walk away to show it is now affecting you. But it is also important to talk/ask why they are having the tantrum but if they wont talk just "scream/kick" then that is when discipline comes in big time. They should be able to use some kind of words by now on how they feel or what is bothing them without all the "tantrums". Even if it is body language or Sign. That is why when Lexie has her fits, I always say "use words" to see what her issue is. It helps a lot, then we talk it out. Talking works if your child is a verbal child. HTHS

-Dori

[Bea]

thanks for some of the great advice ladies, my son is just startting to throw some of these

[esteelynn]

Thank you so much for the support! More than anything I think I just needed to hear that I am not an awful person! I think that I need to be more mindful of her schedule, when she is tired, hungry, etc. Yesterday, dh and I took her out to eat and she didn't want to sit in the high chair. Before she could launch into a screaming fit, we just left. She definitely got the picture. She got to eat a pb & j sandwich instead of a nice dinner.

The way that I look at it, she is getting older every day. Her communication skills are improving and it is getting a little easier every day to talk to her and understand what she is thinking. This will pass... right?

Thank you again for all of your wonderful ideas, I think it is definitely a trial and error process to see what works and this just makes me more prepared!

Have fun with your toddlers!

Estee

[nmyddseyes]

Originally posted by esteelynn@May 3 2005, 04:06 PM
Thank you so much for the support!* More than anything I think I just needed to hear that* I am not an awful person!* * I think that I need to be more mindful of her schedule, when she is tired, hungry, etc.* Yesterday, dh and I took her out to eat and she didn't want to sit in the high chair.* Before she could launch into a screaming fit, we just left.* She definitely got the picture.* She got to eat a pb & j sandwich instead of a nice dinner.*

The way that I look at it, she is getting older every day.* Her communication skills are improving and it is getting a little easier every day to talk to her and understand what she is thinking.* This will pass... right?*

Thank you again for all of your wonderful ideas, I think it is definitely a trial and error process to see what works and this just makes me more prepared!

Have fun with your toddlers!*

Estee
<div align="right"><{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[/quote]
Yep you hit it on the nose. We all are learning-the parents and the child and yes it is good to know their schedule and try to keep it consistant but there are days where you just can't and have to prepare yourself as well themselves.

-Dori