Forum: Children with Developmental Delays and Disorders
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Is anyone else dealing with your ASD being agressive? Yesterday was really bad with it. Today is just the same. He keeps pulling his brothers hair and smacking him and me. It is getting very frustrating. I do not know what to do. I have been doing time outs where I hold him in my lap because sitting him in a chair does not work. It does not seem to be helping all that much. I am going to keep at it though. I am not spanking or slapping hands, well sometimes he gets a smack on the hand but barely. I know alot of my family believe in spanking but I feel it is just renforcing that behavior. What has helped to anyone that has gone through this?
When Abby was younger she was more prone to tantrums/meltdowns than aggression. What usually worked with her was for me to place her in her room and she calmed quicker that way. If I tried to reason with her, talk to her, or touch her, she would become much worse and it would take forever to get her calmed. She's still that way today and I think that when she's upset or angry, touching or talking is too overstimulating. Unfortunately in the last year she's developed physical aggression when she's angry with me and what the triggers are are anyone's guess some days. It can also be tricky getting her to go to her room or to another area of the house to get her to calm down. I usually have to escort her there and as she's almost my size and usually fighting me, it can be tough. For the record though....while kids on the spectrum do have some of these issues, we are pretty sure that with her, the mood instability has to do more with her brain injury and the areas of the brain that the connections are gone than with the dx of Asperger's Syndrome.
About spanking, while some may be ok with it, I don't advise it. I think it only escalates the situation and where's he's so very young, he may not be able to connect the spanking with what he's doing. If he can't calm down and stop with hitting and aggressive behavior, is there an area of the house that you could put him where he would be safe to trantrum it out? Maybe his room? And whenever he starts the aggressive behavior and its impossible to talk him down, put him in there until he does. When you bring him out, you could give him a brief explanation of why he was there, encourage him to hug who he's been aggressive to..along with an apology and then just start over. The aggressive behavior may be a sign that he's overstimulated and just plain frustrated about something. (((((hugs))))) Sorry he's having such a hard time...its hard on all of you.
I'll be interested in seeing more ideas on this one.
Tammy, Mom to
Abby (19), Kacie (13), Chase (11), & Jacob (7)
"...They're supposed to make you miserable! That's why they're family!" ~ Bobby ~ Supernatural
Cameron has a safe "time out" spot. It's quiet and close so he doesn't feel abandoned. Our "place" is the bottom step of the stairs. He usually screams for a few minutes and comes out on his own when he's calmed down. 9 out of 10 times he comes back happy and ready to try again. Cameron hasn't shown any signs of aggression though. He's more into screaming and tantrums right now. I agree with you that spanking is just modeling bad behavior for him. I wouldn't do it in your case. He needs to see how to handle these situations. My best advice is to remain perfectly calm as though nothing is going on (I know it's hard when you're being hit), take him to a safe place where he can't hurt himself or anyone else (but don't put him somewhere completely alone or he may feel abandoned), and let him learn to deal with his aggression on his own. When he has calmed down go to him and see if he is ready to talk about it. Even if he's not vocal yet you can tell him that it's ok to feel upset and it's ok to want to show his feelings but that hitting is not ok. Let him know that maybe next time he can try a new way to show he's upset.
This will be a long battle and I hope things calm down soon for you.
Thanks Nicole (MommaDucks) for my new & awesome siggy.