Forum: Children with Developmental Delays and Disorders
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I try to be nice. I redirect, I call her to me to cuddle, I tickle, I gently say, "no no," I send to timeout, and I break out my teacher voice, but inevitably the only thing that works is screaming. She ends up crying, and it finally stops.
I don't spank. My parents did, and I've been through lots of counseling for it so I'm not going to start.
What do y'all do? Because the repetitious timeouts and redirecting and firmness is just not getting through to her.
Three on Earth and seven in Heaven. ♥ Hoping to get knocked up in 2016. Sometimes.
We struggle as well. We went through a really bad period of yelling at our son. Then we started a positive reinforcement system - a sticker chart. We put it on his door. We concentrated on 5 areas of concern and used pictures on the chart to represent the activity. For example, brushing teeth. We had a picture of a toothbrush. If he behaved well and followed directions during teeth brushing, he got a sticker. When he earned 10 stickers, he got a prize. It worked well for awhile, but he didn't seem to get upset when he didn't earn a sticker. Now we're using a token system for staying in bed. He had a problem staying in bed - he would ask to use the potty over and over right after being put to bed. Now he earns a token every morning he does not do that. When he earns 5 tokens, he gets a prize. This seems to be the best system right now, so we're thinking how we can use the token system to improve other areas of concern.
We were also struggling to find a punishment that worked. Now we have a child safety knob on the inside of his door so he cannot get out, so we often put him in his room for his time out. He does not like that and cries. But yet his behavior doesn't change. Sigh.
Last edited by kary4; July 18th, 2013 at 02:02 PM.
We have also done sticker charts but they don't work for my son long-term - he loses interest.
We do a lot of positive reinforcement and a lot of telling him he's a good boy, praising good manners, good behaviour, pointing out to him good examples; we too do redirection. We do still yell, we are human and sometimes when we're having a bad day we just don't have the patience to handle everything in the ideal sort of way.
I don't think there is any quick fix or miracle answer.
I think after 7 years of this, what I would say is that persistence is key. My son seems to be able to learn good manners and good behaviour and self-control just like other children can...he just takes much longer about it. We have to discuss or model or praise the same thing over and over and over again and eventually it will be second nature to him.
He IS making progress and he IS improving. It may be slower than other children's progress, but he is getting there. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
5 years old is sooooo fun! Everything's a (copulating) fight..
Nobody needs to spank. Don't let anyone make you think that spanking will solve problems that other things don't solve. Some people have success with spanking but you never know if they'd have had success by not scaring the (poop) out of their kids.
So what do you do? Whatever your equivalent of "have a glass of wine" is.