[PurpleStar]

Mmmk...need advice on how to handle...

So we moved into our new home and I love our new neighborhood. Although new construction and only 3rd phase in, we def have a sense of community already...I can't remember the last time I actually talked to my neighbors...like maybe my childhood?! Anyways, there is a family across the street and their son, who is a couple of months older, is a HOLY TERROR! And while we all choose to discipline in our own ways, this kid gets NONE!! Seriously. None.

At first I let it go, but EVERY.SINGLE.TIME we run into each other at the park or playing outside Niko, that's the kid, runs up to Vaughn and yanks his pacifier out his mouth and then runs around away or runs around Vaughn taunting him with it. Then he'll put it back in his mouth only to do it all over again. Vaughn just looks at me like "mom, why'd he do that?" And I wait...wait...wait and wait for the mom to do something but she just sits there and laughs and says on cue: "Oh Niko...*sigh, laugh*...Niko boy". Seriously. Like she is just bowled over with her son's cuteness of the situation. Uh, not cute or funny.

So I started telling Vaughn to go get it back - its his and the little boy has no right to take it from you. So Vaughn happily goes to get it and succeeds but the kid is just unrelenting and one time it was so bad Vaughn had a big breakdown from the frustration. Like someone just poking you repeatedly with a stick. Yea...Niko's that annoying kid on the block with the equally annoying do-nothing mother.

I totally believe kids should learn to suss situations out for themselves...its social skills...they need to learn how to work things out and communicate and all that, with our guidance...but this has taken a big leap past that. I'm ready to seriously lay down the law on this kid and mother. But we are neighbors, so I want to keep diplomatic, if anything...but soon momma bear is going to rear her ugly face.

Any advice?

[survey77777]

I understand what you're saying, but... At this stage I focus more on protecting and caring for G than trying to control the environment. My niece takes stuff from him all the time and she just turned 3. It's just not a concept that kids this age can understand. I think just laughing and saying "That's Vaughn's" as you retrieve it would be enough. OR maybe the pacifier and playing with this kid just don't mix. In my opinion...not worth a battle of any sort. You can't change her parenting...and this is what being part of a social neighbourhood can teach you quickly.

[gingerrae]

I think that if I were you I would sweetly tell Niko the next time he does it "Niko please give that back to vaughn" or " Niko that's Vaughn's pacifier could you please give it back to him" maybe that will clue Niko's mother into realizing that you don't like it when her son takes your son's things. I think I would also add in something like "please don't take his pacifier."

[-erin-]

ditto both above. I don't think that any type of taking toys back or fighting back should be encouraged at this age. We just dealt with that with Juliet's biting. She would bite this boy when he picked on her... and eventually started doing it anytime someone did something she didn't like, she figured out that was how to deal with problems. *fingers crossed* it seems to be better now..

Either asking the mother to intervene with her kid or remove yourself from the situation. Can Vaughn play without his pacifier? Would that help things any?

[momoftwins]

I don't blame you for being annoyed! I think that kids are going to be kids and right now, they are too young to really understand all of that. If it were me, I'd probably tell the other kid "No, that's not yours. Can you please give it back?" in a loud enough voice that the mom could hear (same as Gingerrae basically). It would take a LOT for me to actually talk to the other mom about it.

Hopefully this Niko kid will get bored of the game and give it up. I hope that happens sooner rather than later for you!

[lunarmagic]

Maybe I'm weird, but I have no problems taking something back from other kids if they try grabbing it. Especially pacis, I don't want other kids putting them in their mouths!! So I usually just say, "No no, that's not yours! Can I have that?" and gently take it away. For most things I don't intervene really, but pacis.... yeah. Kate and her BFF are always grabbing each others. Bleh.

[PurpleStar]

OMG, just sat down and now V is up - of course! So off to get some Santa pics done! Wish us luck! But yea, thought I'd have some time to get out my response...as always, good food for thought here! Thanks ladies...will get back later tonight when everyone is in bed!

[TheMrs]

I'm going to get chewed out someday, but I have little issue telling other kids "That's not nice." or whatever the issue may be. Maybe it's because I tell kids that aren't mine to do things a good portion of the day, I'm not sure.

The sitter was letting the older kids kiss Morgan (snotty noses and all). The only way I found out about it was because one kissed her as we were leaving one day and the sitter stood there doing nothing! I just nicely said "We just hug friends, kissing spreads germs."

I think you need to say at least a little something.

[speechteach42]

Yeah I would definitely give a nice "please don't take Vaughn's paci. It's not nice to take things that dont belong to you." and I would totally take it from him. I have no tolerance for people who don't control their own children. Things like this happen at our park often too. It's so annoying!

[PurpleStar]

OMG! Finally...

On a side note: Epic Fail on the Santa pics...Vaughn didn't cry, but he SOOO wasn't having it with Santa...so I think I'm going to try a little desensitizing for a longer period of time...he was giving knuckles and High-5s with Santa but we caught him right before his break so Vaughn only had a minute or so to get used to the big guy.

Anyways...

Thank you all for the good suggestions. Currently, I find that I'm conflicted because of A) My personality and B) Social environment workings.

By nature, I don't like conflict and if I can resolve something without a huge confrontation I will do that instead. However, over time and various life experiences, I've come to hate footing around a situation and learned to just cut the BS and be straight up. I know that comes off sounding harsh, but I have learned tact and know when to be nice/friendly straight talker or the other more abrupt side. And in this situation, while I'm pissed inside, I would use my "hey, nice neighbor" persona

My thing is: if this kid is old enough to know that taking and taunting gets a negative reaction...like perhaps he doesn't know literally what "wrong" means but he sees that it upsets Vaughn and continues doing so to get that reaction from him...then why can't he learn that THAT is wrong. KWIM?! Just bugs, that mom should be using those moments as examples to teach her son better behavior. Like on the flip side, anytime Vaughn gets something from others, I always tell him "say thank you". He can't actually say it, but its a lesson every time. I know I don't have control over another's parenting skills but sometimes maybe that parent is oblivious too and perhaps me pointing it out would "wake" them both up! And honestly, I thought of taking Vaughn's pacifier before hand but then I think "hey, why does my kid not get his pacifier for the sake of keeping this other kid in line?!" To me, it feel like giving in to the other kids needs before my own baby's.

So, I def think I'm going to try the somewhat overly loud "No, please don't take that from Vaughn...its not yours" approach and see how it goes. Hopefully one of those two gets a clue!

[momoftwins]

Good luck! I hope it works!

Sad to say, but there are a lot of idiot parents out there who just really don't care and probably shouldn't reproduce!

[LuvsGavinNJamie]

I hate when other people don't control their children, and I always fear that I am THAT mommy.

I HATE it when people in doctor's offices or WIC have kids that are/were recently sick and they don't even tell them not to touch or cough near other kids. I was at WIC for an appointment a couple weeks ago and there was a little girl that wanted to hold hands with Gavin. She clearly announces "I was sick in the hospital this morning" and here I am wondering what she was sick with and is it contagious and mom is over there just filling out paperwork not even looking up at her daughter. Not to mention I had my baby girl there too.

P.S. I think you and I sound alike. I like the more polite way too but momma bear starts to rear its head when other parents don't mind their kids.