[Danielle.W]

so I haven't been around here much, busyness has overcome me But I wanted to get some opinions about this Feel free to be 100% honest. I could just be being way over the top

I've been having MAJOR babysitter drama. I've fired 6 babysitters for one reason or another. Mostly lazyness (non stop TV, trashed house ect). Nothing major major, but we're picky about how is instilling values and character into our children. Heaven forbit haha. So I hired my best friend and we were SO incredibly happy with her. She was amazing. But the last few times Valley has been throwing major fits with her. Screaming and such. Yesterday A called and asked what she should do... So I came home instead of going to where I was going and dealt with Valley. But when I got home I felt a strange icy coldness coming from the babysitter. Like she was being distant and mean (with out actually being outwardly mean) to Valley. I was so bothered by it. Valley got in trouble and it seemed like A (the babysitter) felt guilty about it. So I called her and talked to her last night because she's helping when we go on vacation and said if things didn't get better between her and valley I didn't know if I'd leave Valley with her again. She said she thinks she was offended at Valley for acting out again this time and I told her that Valley was 4, she was 24. (things you can say to your bff not your regular babysitter lol). So A said we'll see how it goes tomorrow (today) but I just don't know if I trust her with Valley anymore. Am I being ridiculous? It's ok if I am. Maybe she was just having a bad day...?? Valley just has a fragile spirit and the last thing I want is it crushed by my best friend. What would you do??
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[edgeofelise]

I'd find someone else. Not because I'd be freaking out about this particular incident, but it seems like this could really trash your friendship with this girl. IDK, I kinda feel like friends are great for occasional babysitting gigs, but I don't really expect them to be terribly engaging. I've only had a friend watch Eliza all day one time and I just sorta expected her to keep the kid entertained and safe. I wouldn't want to have a conversation with a close friend about how to manage my child. And if she's reacting this way to a 4yo acting out, I don't imagine she'd take constructive criticism well.

[sarahp]

I kinda get where she's coming from - I imagine DH has found me in that exact mood when he's gotten home after I've had a bad day, and it must be harder when it's someone else's kid. Maybe Valley is acting up BECAUSE she's your BFF and she thinks she can exploit that a bit?

I'd also be hesitant to use a good friend at the risk of ruining a good friendship.

[MrsLMB]

I don't think I would get rid of her so fast, especially if you think your friendship is strong enough to withstand the whole babysitting thing. It is probably good for Valley to be around authoritative figures other than you and your DH. She will have to learn eventually that everyone is different and not everyone is mom and some things will be done differently. As long as the babysitter isn't calling her names or physically acting out towards her IMO it is probably a good thing for Valley to be disciplined by someone else (according to YOUR standards of discipline though). The sitter does need to understand that a 4 year old is not easy. I would try to tell the babysitter what you would do in some situations and explain to Valley that a babysitter should be obeyed just like mom and dad. You should also make sure that the sitter wants the responsibility and that she is willing to work hard and understand that even if she is having a bad day she still has to be consistent. These aren't house plants she is looking after, they are little human beings.

I think I would just be honest with your sitter and ask if she really wants to do it.

[momoftwins]

Originally Posted by MrsLMB

I don't think I would get rid of her so fast, especially if you think your friendship is strong enough to withstand the whole babysitting thing. It is probably good for Valley to be around authoritative figures other than you and your DH. She will have to learn eventually that everyone is different and not everyone is mom and some things will be done differently. As long as the babysitter isn't calling her names or physically acting out towards her IMO it is probably a good thing for Valley to be disciplined by someone else (according to YOUR standards of discipline though). The sitter does need to understand that a 4 year old is not easy. I would try to tell the babysitter what you would do in some situations and explain to Valley that a babysitter should be obeyed just like mom and dad. You should also make sure that the sitter wants the responsibility and that she is willing to work hard and understand that even if she is having a bad day she still has to be consistent. These aren't house plants she is looking after, they are little human beings.

I think I would just be honest with your sitter and ask if she really wants to do it.

Totally agree with LeAnne. My best babysitters have been the ones who will discipline the kids while I'm standing there (like right before I leave or when I get back). That shows a lot of confidence (to me anyways) and responsibility, assuming they aren't hitting my kid or screaming at them or anything! I think you need to be up front with your babysitters on exactly what you want. If they are willing to do it and they think they CAN do it, then go for it. My requests are these: stay safe, have fun and try not to let the kids completely destroy the place!

Also though, I just don't think there are many people in this world who will treat your kids exactly the way you do or do things exactly the way you do. I've never had the "perfect" babysitter. The one girl that I absolutely loved was great except for the fact that she always brought out the Playdoh and my floor was constantly covered in Playdoh crumbs. She was SO great with the kids though!! They loved her and I figured I would GLADLY take a messy house if it meant that the babysitter was doing fun things and interacting with the kids! I have learned to sort of adjust my expectations of people watching my kids. Obviously, the bottom line is, you want someone you can trust, to take care of your kids.

Good luck!!

[speechteach42]

Having a best friend watch your kids is a tricky situation. I would have been upset too, but I agree with LeAnne. As long as she's providing discipline in a way that's not demeaning and that is acceptable to you I think it's fine. Do you have a read on whether she is liking the gig watching your kids? Maybe she's having a bit of a bad attitude because watching small children isn't what she expected and she doesn't know how to tell you she might want out? I would probably give her another chance and see what happens, but at the end of the day, best friend or not, if her behavior with your kids is making you uncomfortable then you should probably consider your options.

[survey77777]

I think all of the above advice is great. I guess I'd look at how much time she's with them. What you seriously think the repercussions of her time with them are? How your friendship is affected by it? If your expectations are realistic for their care?
I'm not insinuating that they aren't btw.
I guess I just don't think that people can expect someone else to "parent" their kids, only care for them. I think you have to go with your gut, but I'm not seeing the problem with what you typed other than that it sounds like she might be a little emotionally immature to not be able to keep herself rational about V's behavior. I called my mom crying when my little cousin told me she didn't love me anymore when I was babysitting her (she was 3)...I was only 12 though I hope that I could handle it better now.

Anyway...good luck! I'm interested in this now since I haven't reached this stage of parenting now. So please KUP on how you deal with it if you get a chance.

I just reread your post and since you asked for honesty...my thought is that you need to reflect on the whole situation. I completely understand not wanting to break your child's spirit as this is a big issue with me too as a parent. Maybe I'm missing something in what you're saying, but I don't see what makes you worry about this in what you typed. Did she ask you to come home or did you just decide to do that? What in your gut made you come home?
Holy crap I'm rambling...time to cut this off. I have thoughts but can't seem to put them together tonight.

P.S. I'm glad to hear that you're busy. Assuming it's your business...congrats!