[PurpleStar]

So, last night i was watching some news expose thing on cruise ships - like the crap they don't want the general public to know...anyways, after seeing sinking ships and what not, my brain somehow managed to connect dots all the way to the fact that in the event something where to happen to either me &/or Josh, currently we don't have any legal docs (will) stating our wishes for Vaughn.

Help?!!! I'm not even sure where to begin and I really don't want to pay a lawyer a ridiculous amount of money Are there other options? Like, can I type up a document and have it notarized? Would that stand up in court if something was contested. I doubt that would even happen in our family, but best to be prepared

I feel like we've totally slacked on this and now I'm feeling a lil sheepish even acknowledging I haven't done anything sooner

[aussie_mama22]

We've definitely spoken about what we would choose if something were to happen, but havent done anything about it yet.

Here in Australia you can get a legal will kit, you pay like $30 and they send it to you. Check online, Im sure they'd do it there too.

[rebeccabaltimore and more]

We have a will. We did it through LegalZoom. It was pretty easy.

[MrsLMB]

You want to be careful. Wills are a big deal and you need a certain number of witnesses and there are other "little" rules that you might overlook. My grandparents estate was taken by the state (to pay for the medicare they used while sick) because they did their will online and it didn't have enough signatures from witnesses that was required by the state. We lost everything because they threw out the will like it didn't even matter. Notorizing alone isn't enough. You don't want anyone to have issues because of a technical issue.

You can try sites like legal zoom. They will do the work for you and you pay for it but I would seriously consider finding a lawyer who knows the local laws to look over it.

[-erin-]

We've talked about it, but haven't done anything official.

[speechteach42]

You can do it on the internet for little expense, but like others have said, it's not fool proof. I think on legalzoom you can do a will for like fifty bucks.

[momoftwins]

I stress about this often. I keep putting it off (which is an awful idea) because I can't make up my mind who should take the kids if something were to happen to us. My sister is who they would be most comfortable with, but financially she is nowhere near being able to potentially take care of 3 kids. And it seems like DH's siblings all have some sort of drama.

My dad keeps asking if we've done one yet and I keep having to give him that answer, which I hate! I too, feel like a totally irresponsible parent in that sense! I think I also have issues with stuff like this because of losing my mom. I just don't want to even THINK about my kids not having a mom (or dad). I can't put it off forever though.

[PurpleStar]

Thank you everyone for your input...LeAnne, good info to be aware of - I wasn't until you mentioned all that. I'm so sorry to hear that happened to your family.

I had heard of Legalzoom - Josh and I had mentioned it in passing before...ha, obviously we still haven't gotten our crap together!

Ugh, it does stress me out to think about. Like you Betsy - I just can't imagine not being around for Vaughn and future children...I guess maybe dealing with my own mortality is a little off putting but I know I need to get my rear in gear about this!

This will be tackled soon though...my uncle, who is the co-guardian I'm appointing along with my mother, will be visiting in 2 weeks and he's good at this stuff. I think if I enlist some help, it won't seem so overwhelming.

I feel lame. I can't for the life of me figure out why this is so hard for me to do...without having to have my hand held. Sigh. Oh well, as long as it gets done!

[lunarmagic]

I don't have anything official yet. I did use an online example to fill out a draft... I know it's not legal (yet) but it at least made me think about what it all needs to have and say and who I would name as guardians and who would take the dogs and cats. I figure when we do go to a lawyer it'll at least all be there. But yeah we really need to do that.

Unfortunately our main hold-up is also deciding who would be the kids' guardian. We have no clear easy answers on that one. One of DH's siblings already has 5 kids and is religious (we're not); the others are single. My parents would happily take the kids, but they live in another country and is it fair to the kids to uproot them from everything they know like that? DH's parents are not in a financial or life situation to raise more kids (health issues, etc). So I am just at a loss.

[edgeofelise]

DH and I haven't been able to come to a decision on that, either. His sister is, well, kind of a b**ch most of the time. We love them, and she's a good mom, but she's pretty hardcore about a lot of their principles--she actually has a family mission statement written out and hung on the wall...which is just SO not how I want to raise my kids. His other sisters are too young. His parents are kinda up there in age and have already had 4 kids, so I don't want them to have to do it over again.

And I don't want my kids being raised by my family, either. My sister is going through a second adolescence right now, just having left her husband and dying to be single and have fun. And my mom depresses the crap out of me; she never ever EVER goes outside. They're all pretty close-minded and sedentary and while I love them, I want more for my kids. So we're stuck. Hmm.

[Kobain's Mommy]

We know exactly what we want and my cousin just passed his bar so I asked him. He wanted $800 to do it, he's not even working for a firm. My DH said no way would we pay that because we'll have to turn around and have another lawyer look it over since he just passed his bar and isn't working in a firm.

As for guardianship for the kids they will go to my parents. IF they are not able or willing to at the time they will go to my cousin (their Godmother) and her husband. If she is unable or willing to they will go to DH's dad.

[survey77777]

It's such a tough subject to even fathom. Hopefully none of us never have to truly face this issue, but of course it's best to be prepared. We need to do this too. It's funny that no matter how much we may doubt aspects of ourselves, suddenly no one else could possible parent as well as we could when you have to put it on paper. I would like it to be the person most likely to respect my parenting wishes if it ever came to that. I will also take any of your cute people if you'd like them to be raised in my crazy world should the need ever arise.
Now I feel horribly guilty about not being more responsible about this already.

[BobbityBoo]

How do you ask anyone to take on 4 kids? There is no way in heck I want them with the IL's. If BIL ever gets married and gets a job he might be a good choice... but he might live in a van his whole life. I think my sis and her husband would be the best, but its so hard to think about injecting 4 kids into someone's life. That is a lot for anyone! Especially since it was our choice to have 4, not theirs.

Anyone know the difference between a living trust and a will? My parents have a living trust and they implied its better to have than a will, but I have no idea why.

[speechteach42]

^I looked into the differences when we were deciding about legal documents for who would get E. It was a while ago, but here's the bits and pieces I remember. I know a living trust can help avoid your estate going into probate and it keeps the whole distribution of your property, etc out of the court system and not a matter of public record. I know it's more expensive to have a living trust than to do a regular will and that you have to be diligent about putting all your assets in the name of the living trust instead of just your name. If you don't do that step, everything will revert to probate anyway like a regular will and you've wasted your money. Living trusts also let you manage more of a disability situation too because you name a person to manage your assets should you pass away or become incapacitated in any way. So say God forbid you had a car accident and had a tramatic brain injury, your trustee of your living trust could manage your finances, etc on your behalf while you're not fit to make those choices.
A living trust definitely gives you more options for how your estate is handled I think, but its way more expensive and a lot more effort to set up. If you think you might want to go the living trust route I would call an attorney and explain your situation to see if they think it would be worth it in your case or not.

[survey77777]

I know for the medical side of a living will/trust it's important that you discuss and clearly verbalize with everyone in your family what your wishes are. If they were ever to be needed there is not usually time for debating over what people "think" you'd want. This is another one I really want to work on. I'm thankful every day that no one contested my voice on what my OH would want after his accident. I would never want to put my family into the position of guessing for me...end tangent.

[rebeccabaltimore and more]

LegalZoom has lawyers to oversee things. That's why we chose them. We couldn't afford a regular lawyer, I refuse to use my family's lawyer because I don't need my parents to be aware/involved (they would demand that my sister be Grant's guardian and HELL NO THAT UPTIGHT CRAZY PERSON IS NOT BEING HIS GUARDIAN so there would be a huge row.) and we didn't want to just leave things hanging.