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  #1  
February 13th, 2010, 01:44 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Maryland
Posts: 20,233
Hello everybody. After a lot of frustration I could really use some advice. I have a son who turned 3 in August and has never used the potty. We've bought both the learning design and cooling sensation pull-ups which haven't really made any difference. He got a kick out of the switch, but has no interest in keeping them dry. We've let him pick his own underwear which he loves, but he still wets them and then just asks for a bath and a clean pair. He says his training seat is too small, but the toilet is too big. He'll just scream if we put him anywhere near it with his pants off and when we let him leave the bathroom he runs to the living room and pees in the middle of the floor. We've tried offering rewards, sending him in with DH so he knows what to do, everything we can think of really. He won't be able to start Pre-K this coming August unless he potty trains. I just don't know what to do anymore.
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  #2  
February 14th, 2010, 07:06 AM
suusssannn's Avatar funky monkey
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Okinawa, Japan
Posts: 12,664
Have you tried actual underwear?? We took our 3 yo to the store and let him pick out his own "big boy" (<-- we stressed the BIG BOY part) underwear; he picked Bob the Builder, Thomas, Mickey Mouse, & a couple of other designs. When we got home I told him that BIG BOYS get to wear real under, and BIG BOYS get to go tee tee in the potty. We had a rocky couple of days, filled with accidents, but by the end of that first week in REAL underwear, he was doing great! He caught on really quickly, and he became poop trained, daytime & nighttime trained all within the first month. We started 2 months ago, and the last month has been smooth sailing- BUT I still keep it in the back of my head that he COULD have an accident, so when we're out in public I remind him to go tee tee a lot more than I probably should , and I always have a change of clothes for him with us JUST IN CASE.

As far as the potty seat goes--- have you tried something like this?
Munchkin Deluxe Potty Seat - Blue - Munchkin - Babies "R" Us

It sits on the big potty. My little guy was way too tall for those "potty chairs", but he's too short for the big potty. So we have a step in front of the actual potty. He puts his potty seat on the big potty and climbs up on the steps. He inches himself all the way back so he can spread his legs pretty wide (so he aims down ).

And for rewards, we did one specific "potty treat". We used gummy bears. He didn't get gummy bears UNLESS he used the potty. And his little sister NEVER got one of his gummy bears. It was just for HIM, and just for when he used the potty.

I started attempting to potty train him when he was 2... you know, sitting him on the potty before baths, etc. He NEVER went. I got him the potty chair when he turned two. He could not have cared less about that thing after the first day we gave it to him! He would sit in a diaper until his clothes were soaking wet... it didn't bother him at all. Over this past summer (just before he turned three), we did a lot of swimming in the backyard. SEVERAL times would he pee all over the floor and not give it a second thought (when he was in his swim suit). He just did NOT care to have anything to do with "controlling" his pee/poo at all! BUT once we did the real underwear thing (he was 3 y 3 m)- he cared. After the first few accidents, he began getting frustrated that I had to "change" his underwear... remember, HE bought "fun, cool" underwear to actually WEAR (not change over and over)... SOOOO, I began encouraging him like this: "let's try to keep bob the builder (or whoever was on his underwear) dry... if you go tee tee on bob the builder, we'll have to take him off" -insert frowny face here- He was totally game!

It's a process. And I've found that it 100% has to be on their terms FROM THE GET GO. Once he's doing it, then it will transition to being more on your terms, KWIM?

Good luck... don't stress it too much, just encourage him and keep trying!
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Last edited by suusssannn; February 14th, 2010 at 07:09 AM.
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  #3  
February 14th, 2010, 12:50 PM
*1Boy1Girl*
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Posts: n/a
Here's a guideline that I used with my son.

1) Pick a date and do it. No wavering. You are in control, not him.

2) Put him in underwear

3) Take him to the potty every half hour and let him sit there for 5 minutes. If he does something, GREAT. If not, that's ok and try again in another half hour. If he does go, put him on the pot again every half hour until he goes again. This will help you gauge how long he can hold it (it will vary from time to time because he's just learning. Once he gets the hang of it, it will become more and more consistent)

4) I totally recommend this watch. It will end up being more for you then him because you'll start to forget the time after awhile. But, he'll like it because it plays music, he'll know it's time to go potty, and it gives him something to look forward to.

5) Reward system. I personally use food as the motivator. M&Ms to be exact. Caleb got the hang of it REAL quick. The moment he does something on the potty, give him that treat right then and there, praise him to no end and let him know that he did a GREAT thing. You'll be surprised at how quick he'll learn when you give him that treat. It doesn't have to be M&Ms obviously, but give him something that he hardly gets at all. It will mean more to him, he'll learn quick, and it will be something VERY rewarding for him.

6) Once he gets the hang of going to the potty consistently for a half hour (about a week), then increase the time to 45 minutes and let him sit on the pot for about 10 minutes. This will start to teach him to hold it. If he has an accident, note the time that he did it and the last time that he pee on the pot. If he can hold it for 40 minutes, for example, then you know to take him every 40 minutes. Get him used to doing that for a week, then increase the time to an hour and so forth. I think the watch does 30, 60 and 90 minute increments.

7) Don't worry about catching poops right now. Get him pee trained first, then you can work on the poop later.

8) Don't get frustrated. This is a hard one for sure. It's hard not to get angry or frustrated with them. We parents think that they should be doing what we are doing, but you have to remember, they do not have the muscle tone to hold their urine. That is a learned thing and until he's able to do that, there WILL be accidents and lots of them. Be reassuring when he does have accidents, don't get angry and tell him that we'll try again. He needs to see the positive side of potty training and not see the negative.

9) Along the lines of accidents, he's not going to want to give up control. This is going to be a control issue and once you break his control on this, then potty training will go smoothly. Stick with it, be diligent and don't coddle him when he throws a fit. It's hard to see and go through for sure, but if you break down he knows that you are not serious - which goes back to number one - Pick a date and stick with it.

This is just a tentative guideline that I did for my son. Of course you can amend times and so forth for you and your child, but it should work the same. You can do it. Just stick with it and you'll find things will go much better.

Welcome to the board and hoping to see more of you!!
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  #4  
February 15th, 2010, 03:01 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Maryland
Posts: 20,233
Thanks ladies. He does have big boy underwear that he picked, he just doesn't care if it gets wet/poopy. He knows it can be washed so he just strips down, asks for a bath, and tells me to wash them. He's been fighting us at every turn on this. We've also offered his favorite treat as a reward, but he'd rather not have it than use the potty.

The potty seat that goes on the toilet has been an issue actually. I've wanted to get one, but we have elongated toilets so the standard seat doesn't fit securely at all. I've yet to be able to find one in the store and I'm hesitant to just order one online because I can't actually check it out first. We did use one with my oldest and it helped her a lot, but we had standard toilets then and on these they slide around and wobble horribly.
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  #5  
February 15th, 2010, 07:23 AM
*1Boy1Girl*
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Posts: n/a
Sounds like a headstrong kid. LOL

If I was in your shoes, I'd let him sit in his wet/dirty underwear and let him know that he won't be getting a bath or have his underwear washed immediately. Hard to do when he has the accident, but if you can catch him as he is taking them off, put them right back on again. But then again, that's me. LIke I said, in my previous posts, he's taking charge of this situation, which is fine, however, you are the mom/parent and he needs to respect you.

Latest research shows that peak potty training time is between the ages of 2-3. He just turned 3, so you are still good for sure.

If you don't want to force the issue with him, then put him back in pull-ups and wait a bit.

I still recommend the method that I outlined above though when you feel like you want to try again. It does work. Don't worry about putting the seat on the adult potty right now. Let him have his OWN potty. Let it be his. If putting him on the big potty is the only choice you have, then I would start training him standing up.

Put cheerios or something floatable, but easily dissoluble, in the toilet, and teach him to aim. This might actually be your better option, especially if he's tall and potty chairs are too small for him.
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