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Hello ladies! I am new to the board and could use some help with training my 3 yr old (born 6/08).
We began potty training just after Luc turned 3. Previous to this we made a cross country move, then a move form temporary housing to our new home in 7/10, so things were not exactly conducive for training before this time. We had great success with pee training, it only took a week or two. Luc wakes up dry after naps and 99% of the time in the morning, even though we aren't really limiting liquids before bed. I went with the naked method, but put a pull up on him for outings during mid day and as soon as we come home he is naked again. He caught on quickly and never pees in a pull up. We phased out all incentives for peeing in the potty and he does it standing up at home and out in public bathrooms all the time.
It took probably 4 weeks to get that very first poop in the potty. I was thrilled when he finally did it and though "Oh, this is it! he will do it all the time!" I created a poopy chart that night, filled it with incentives (both candy treats and small new toys).
I couldn't have been more wrong about him pooping in the potty all the time. Another 6 weeks later and he has moved up 12 spaces on the 20 space poopy chart, but he will only do it if he is naked. He doesnt mind pooping in his undies or pull ups at all. If we are home and he is naked all day, he'll use the potty or toilet every time (he usually goes twice, occasionally three times a day!). When we are out of the house, he just wont tell me he has to go. At home he will run to the potty to use it and has no problems sitting and pushing it out.
I have modified the poopy chart rewards to adding sticker, moving the little boat (its a pirate treasure map theme) and getting the reward to the morning after a full day of no accidents. When he has an accident we go to his bathroom, put the poop in the potty, I clean his bottom and then make him wash his own undies (with help and supervision, of course). At first he liked this, it made him feel like a big boy, but not he dislikes it very much. I dont believe he has a fear of the potty, toilet or flush. He enjoys saying bye bye to his pee or poo and flushing himself. He gets super excited when he is successful and receives LOTS of praise for it, but still he will only do it if naked.
Am I doing something wrong? Why is he still pooping in his undies? I know he understands, but I just don't get it. I honestly feel his is fully ready, but it just seems like he doesnt care. I try very, very hard not to react and show any disappointment when he has an accident. It is getting difficult to hide my frustration and I admit, I am not always perfect at doing so. Then I feel very guilty about it. I would appreciate any advice and suggestions anyone may have.
Sorry this post is so long and thanks for reading!
I don't think having him wash his undies is a good idea. After all, 3 really is still a baby in so many ways and the last thing you want to do is shame him, toddlers feel shame so very deeply. Potty training is such a learning curve, it can be maddening (it sure was for us) but it ultimately will click.
He might not tell you when out because he isn't paying attention to it when out. They get so distracted with their surroundings I am not sure they are paying attention to it. When we are out, I ask my DD about every 30 mins how she is doing pottywise (whispered in her ear, since it is private, and of course I don't ask if I know she's just gone).
3 is really young. It finally worked for us when we backed off (DD was born 5/08). Sometimes I think that the more we push (even in a good way), and the more pressure we put on, it gets them more weird about it than they already are. Just provide him with a good example, praise him when he does it, and ease up on any "training." He knows how it works now, now he just needs to figure out, on his own, how it works for him. He'll get it I think every parent goes through this, but the cold hard truth is that you really do have to wait until they do it, once you've showed them how it works.