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I want to know what's wrong with me...if anything.
I'm 16 weeks pregnant with my first child.
I work full time as a pharmacy technician at a long-term care facility (nursing home). I'd consider my job somewhat demanding. I'm on my feet most of the day, walking on concrete floors, around sick residents, running around the pharmacy, running to and from different floors of the building, lifting things 15+ pounds, we're understaffed and overworked.
Prior to becoming pregnant I was diagnosed with anemia, so I take an iron supplement.
Prior to becoming pregnant I've suffered with migraines, but they were controlled with Imitrex.
As long as I can remember I've had emetophobia (the phobia of feeling nauseous and vomiting).
Since I was 13ish I've struggled with anxiety and depression. I've been on medication (Lexapro, Effexor, Celexa, ect.) since I've been about 15. My depression has been fairly well controlled with medication. When my husband and I decided to start trying to get pregnant I tried to go off of my curent anti-depressant, Celexa, because I didn't want to have to take any medication while I was pregnant, just my vitamins. After 2 days of being off the Celexa I feel into a very deep depression where I didn't get out of bed for 2 days and just cried all day. My anxiety was very heightened as well. My phyciatrist said the benefits out-weigh the risks of being on anti-depressants while pregnant for me. I was put back on the Celexa (40mg once daily) for about a month and a half and I was feeling better but still pretty depressed so he decided to try me on Prozac (20mg once daily). I liked the Prozac better than the Celexa, I felt better on it. About a month after switching to the Prozac I finally got pregnant (thanks to my second round of Clomid, I wasn't ovulating). About a month into the pregnancy my psychiatrist suggested bumping my Prozac dose up to 30mg because my anxiety was pretty bad, mainly due to being in the first trimester of pregnancy, dealing with all day nausea and being utterly terrified of vomiting. He also gave me some Visteral to take as needed for severe anxiety/panic attacks. Again he said the benefits of taking the medication as I needed it out-weighed the risks. I also began to see a counselor to work on my anxiety and phobia.
Here's where I'm at now...I'm in my second trimester, I'm still feeling nauseous (I still need to take a Zofran about once daily), quite depressed, I'm completely exhausted, I've lost 15 pounds, my stomach hurts most of the time, my back hurts a lot, I have constant headaches that turn into migraines 50 percent of the time. I've ended up in the ER a few times because I couldn't stand the head pain anymore. I'm eating about ¼ of what I was eating prior to being pregnant. I can manage to drink maybe 1-2 pints of water daily. I've missed about 14 full days of work, and worked about 10 ½ days in the past 2 months. Everyday waking up in the morning, getting out of bed, trying to get ready for work, it's a huge challenge. It takes so much out of me to just try and get to work I'm usually falling asleep while driving to work or while at work. When I get home I go right to bed. On days I have off or can't manage to get to work I sleep most of the day.
I've voiced all this to by OB and it didn't seem to matter to him at all. He said pregnancy is harder for some women than it is others. He gave me no reassurance at all. I inquired about when I may be able to take my leave from work and he then said he wanted me to work until I go into labor. I left the office in tears. I've been going to this OB/GYN since I was young and I've always trusted him and I've always wanted him to take care of me while I was pregnant...but I can't even begin to describe how he made me feel at that last visit. He made me feel I was being weak, complaining too much, not a capable woman. I've already been pretty low and he crushed me at that visit. I did write him a letter a week ago. I expressed to him how he made me feel at our last visit and how I've always wanted him to take care of me while I was pregnant. I mentioned I was thinking about going to a different OB and seeing if they treated my situation the same way. I asked him to have the office call me to set up an appointment to talk...I haven't gotten a call.
I don't know exactly why I'm posting this novel...I guess I'd just like to hear what other people have to say about my situation and what they'd do if they were me. I'm really doubting myself. I'm Feeling getting pregnant was the biggest mistake of my life because I'm not a strong enough person to endure it. I don't know what I should do. Is there something wrong with me, physically, mentally, emotionally? I honestly don't feel I'll survive the next 24 months. I have no idea what to do.
Wow I am sorry you are haiving to deal with all that. As for your OB, you may have known him a long time before getting pregnant, but it sounds to me like he is not the kind of doctor you need while pregnant. You sound like you are not doing good healh wise or mentally wise. If you can maybe talk to a few moms in your area and see if any of them recommend a doctor who seems to be more willing to help and not just brush your problems aside.
I know your first baby can be pretty nerve racking no matter what.
This may sound kooky, but see a midwife. Seriously. They are more apt to be understanding and considerate, and they are trained to treat the whole woman, not just the pregnancy. I think you really need someone to comfort and reassure you and it seems to me that a midwifery model of care would do you a world of good. You dont have to stay with them, but maybe even just call and see if you can make an appointment for a consultation. Find out what they have to say.
I don't think, at this point, that you really have anything to lose. Keep seeing your counsellor and journal if you are not already doing so.
(((Hugs))) and I hope you get to feeling better soon.