[3xCrazy]

How do I boost an almost 5year olds confidence?
Since Malakai has started primary school Ive noticed hes very unconfident. He wont do stuff that I know he can do cause hes afraid of getting it wrong. All his life Ive praised highly anything hes done correctly and made no fuss over the mistakes just encouraged him to try again. What else can I do?

[cfm]

Hmmm, tough one. I'll give it some thought, I just woke up so no thinky much. I know there are some studies that say too much praise can give them weird performance anxiety type issues, I'll see if I can dig up articles. I know "they" say when you do give praise it should be very specific about what they did instead of a "good job!" about everything.

[cfm]

Five Reasons to Stop Saying "Good Job!"

a lazy search found this.

i'm not saying this is the problem or it's your fault or anything. have you spoken to his teachers about this?

[3xCrazy]

Honestly, no I havent. I though it may be something that I could 'fix' on my own.
That was a good article though, I will have to keep some of those pointers in my mind. I guess I was just trying to compensate for how I was brought up. I wasnt praised for anything that I did (that I remember) It was always criticism. What I should have done. Even now I get it from my dad and I dont want my kids feeling the same way he makes me feel.

For example. Kai likes to take my camera and take pictures of random things around the house. Has been since he was about 2.5yrs old. Some of the pictures were really good for a 2.5yr old. Obviously not photographer standard but you get the idea. I was really proud of them, put them on FB for friends and family to see and all my dad said was stuff like "he needed more lighting" or "its really outta focus"
KWIM?

[cfm]

Sheesh, what a jerk! Did he not realize a 2 year old did it? Was he kidding? I don't blame you for going in the opposite direction in child rearing!

[kimmiejo]

I would agree with Michelle and yes I can understand why you praise everything he does based on your fathers comments. I don't have much other in the way of advice, Sydney is 4 and sometimes I feel like she is over confident, I mean if that's possible? Maybe it isn't, I don't know I think as parents we always worry about one thing or another, worrying is endless LOL

[~MamaTutu~]

Tough question. My DD just turned 5. When she was younger, I gave lots of praise for everything and she seemed to get a little cocky (can I say that word here?). Then I started to pull back. I offer sincere praise when she does a great job, I recognize her efforts on something she doesn't do quite as well. When she puts herself down or is afraid to try something, I try talking to her and I don't push it.

No advice really. This is just how I do it. Not sure if it's right or not. I kind of grew up like you, belittled by both parents and am still recovering from that, if it's even possible to recover from that...

[who_it_is]

I am pretty much with the other ladies on this one. I would talk to his teacher and see what she has to say. Maybe she has some pointers or there is something specific at school that is a struggle and working on that would help resolve the issue.

We tend to be in the praise for a job well done, point out mistakes and work together to resolve them camp. IMO it's just as important for kids to know they have made mistakes and how to remedy them as it is for them to know they have done well. There is too much talk about only praising the positive (at least in our schools)- teachers don't use red pens, no one gets an "F", even in sports there are no winners or losers only "everyone did a great job". For me, its important for kids to know that they have not done well, that is how they learn. And working with them to resolve the mistakes lets them know it's ok to try again and ask for help when needed. :shrug:

[3xCrazy]

Originally Posted by cfm

Sheesh, what a jerk! Did he not realize a 2 year old did it? Was he kidding? I don't blame you for going in the opposite direction in child rearing!

I wouldnt really call him a jerk. He just doesnt really know how to give a compliment. The only thing he can say is usually negative. He lives in fairy tale land. A land where chldren have the minds of adults and the popular groups at schools are the ones who get straight A's always go to class and is friends with everyone.

[LJD3Tdance]

Is he younger than his classmates by chance? (By that I mean, like a summer birthday is often younger, sometimes even by a full year.)