Log In Sign Up

I'm DONE.. DH Isn't!?


Forum: Done Having Children

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Done Having Children LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
July 25th, 2010, 08:21 AM
qberry's Avatar Quinn - Mommy to 3
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 2,901
Wasn't really sure where to post but this looked like a good spot!

Hi, I'm Quinn! I'm expecting my 3rd (a girl) in October, have a 4 year old with aspergers, and a DD who is 2 1/2 and has ITP. When I was growing up and then when I got married I always wanted 4 kids. That was always the plan.. but we never planned for our son to have aspergers, we never planned that DD would develop ITP in utero and we never planned to space our 2nd and 3rd 3 years apart. I've given up my career dreams and am on my way to dropping out of medical school completely. I'm done.. I don't want another pregnancy.. another baby.. another chance of having something wrong.. DH, isn't done. He wants his beloved 4th child.

We'll have to buy a new house (which was the plan anyway.. maybe 5 years down the road) and I'll never get to have my dream. Medical school is too demanding to try and raise a family and children with more than typical needs. So far this baby appears 100% healthy but that doesn't take away the rest of it.

I don't know how to get him to see my point of view. I've gone so far as to threaten to have my tubes tied after I have this one! How did you decide you were done? Were your DH's/SO's on board with you? I need some help!
Reply With Quote
  #2  
July 25th, 2010, 11:07 AM
4wildflowers's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Northern Nevada
Posts: 3,175
Send a message via Yahoo to 4wildflowers
You are in a tough spot. I feel like you should have the right to say when you are done, but ideally, obviously, it would be nice if your dh was on board with that plan. I'm sure he knows all your reasons for wanting to stop. Has he given his reasons for wanting to have another, other than just to have the 4? I can see how it would be frustrating for you. Your reasons are all very ligitimate. I really don't have any answers for you... sorry. I do hope that he sits down, listens to you speaking from the heart, and will compromise for you.

Fortunately, dh and I didn't have any issues. He always left the size of our family up to me, so when I decided I was done, he was supportive of that.

I hope everything works out for you both! <3
__________________
Heather

My kids.....
Jake 13
Shane 9
Brynne 6
Claire 4



Reply With Quote
  #3  
July 25th, 2010, 06:22 PM
MellieB's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Melbourne, Aust.
Posts: 64,110
You really need to sit down with him and talk about it. You might find your able to come to the same conclusion if you discuss it fully.
__________________

Thanks to Claire1979 for the amazing siggy.


Tweet Tweet Facebook Bloggin'

Our Angel Baby on Facebook

Reply With Quote
  #4  
July 25th, 2010, 07:20 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,619
what a tough situation for you! I can definitely see where you are coming from... and am curious if DH has explained WHY a 4th child is so important to him? End of the day, it is YOUR body & you really have the final say on your fertility, but obviously it'd be a better situation if it was something you & DH were in agreement about!

((hugs))
__________________






Reply With Quote
  #5  
July 26th, 2010, 02:50 PM
qberry's Avatar Quinn - Mommy to 3
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 2,901
Yeah, I'm pretty baffled.. lol!

He feels like a fourth would complete our family and at one point I did too. But now three feels right. I have even thought about adopting or fostering a few years down the line but I don't want to 'start all over'.

I feel like a bad wife!
Reply With Quote
  #6  
July 26th, 2010, 03:40 PM
4wildflowers's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Northern Nevada
Posts: 3,175
Send a message via Yahoo to 4wildflowers
You are not a bad wife. I think it's not only smart of you, but also unselfish to know when you've hit your limit, both emotionally and financially. You are also looking out for the needs of the the children you already have. Hopefully, your husband will understand and support you. ((hugs))
__________________
Heather

My kids.....
Jake 13
Shane 9
Brynne 6
Claire 4



Reply With Quote
  #7  
July 29th, 2010, 02:49 AM
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 27
Just try not to stress too much about it. It's not good for you to worry too much about something that's not urgent or not happening yet. When you have given birth, then try to talk to your husband again and present your points. Tell him how it is your body and how caring for three kids is already enough for you. Tell him you don't want him to resent you for your decision so he needs to understand, and tell him you also don't want to resent him when the time comes that your hands are too full caring for four children and you have lost all of yourself in the process.

__________________
Pregnancy Forum

Last edited by Believe_it; September 1st, 2010 at 06:57 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
August 1st, 2010, 04:01 AM
Nickswife2004's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Maine
Posts: 1,462
I know how you feel. We are done after this one. DH would be open to many more if I was. When I got pregnant this time it wasn't on purpose, but he couldn't understand why I said I was done. It took many long talks about how hard it's been for me to be pregnant for him to finally get it. We're done and he's getting a Vasectomy. I hope talking things out more will help you! It's a big and hard decision to make, especially if you're both not on board.
__________________




Reply With Quote
  #9  
August 14th, 2010, 09:50 AM
qberry's Avatar Quinn - Mommy to 3
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 2,901
Thanks ladies.

We're having PTL issues with this pregnancy.. I think it's opening up his eyes that my body is done and that it may not be worth the risks.

Being a control freak sucks though seriously, lol!
Reply With Quote
  #10  
September 20th, 2010, 05:10 PM
mommy4micandella's Avatar Proud wife and momma!!
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Western MD
Posts: 3,634
Send a message via AIM to mommy4micandella Send a message via Yahoo to mommy4micandella
My DH is still mad that i went thru with my tubal without him 100% agreeing. I found out i was hypothyroid after DD#2 and did not want to go thru a pregnancy full of bloodwork all the time and not be able to enjoy it, and i worried that it would affect a pregnancy, and possibly not be able to carry a HEALTHY baby.
But i got it done and have had a hysterectomy since, so i am REALLY done.
It irritates me that people always want to say "nothing is 100% with birth control, but hello when i dont have a uterus anymore to carry a baby i cannnot have anymore
__________________
Missy
mom to Michaela & Ella


Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:22 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0