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Wasn't really sure where to post but this looked like a good spot!
Hi, I'm Quinn! I'm expecting my 3rd (a girl) in October, have a 4 year old with aspergers, and a DD who is 2 1/2 and has ITP. When I was growing up and then when I got married I always wanted 4 kids. That was always the plan.. but we never planned for our son to have aspergers, we never planned that DD would develop ITP in utero and we never planned to space our 2nd and 3rd 3 years apart. I've given up my career dreams and am on my way to dropping out of medical school completely. I'm done.. I don't want another pregnancy.. another baby.. another chance of having something wrong.. DH, isn't done. He wants his beloved 4th child.
We'll have to buy a new house (which was the plan anyway.. maybe 5 years down the road) and I'll never get to have my dream. Medical school is too demanding to try and raise a family and children with more than typical needs. So far this baby appears 100% healthy but that doesn't take away the rest of it.
I don't know how to get him to see my point of view. I've gone so far as to threaten to have my tubes tied after I have this one! How did you decide you were done? Were your DH's/SO's on board with you? I need some help!
You are in a tough spot. I feel like you should have the right to say when you are done, but ideally, obviously, it would be nice if your dh was on board with that plan. I'm sure he knows all your reasons for wanting to stop. Has he given his reasons for wanting to have another, other than just to have the 4? I can see how it would be frustrating for you. Your reasons are all very ligitimate. I really don't have any answers for you... sorry. I do hope that he sits down, listens to you speaking from the heart, and will compromise for you.
Fortunately, dh and I didn't have any issues. He always left the size of our family up to me, so when I decided I was done, he was supportive of that.
what a tough situation for you! I can definitely see where you are coming from... and am curious if DH has explained WHY a 4th child is so important to him? End of the day, it is YOUR body & you really have the final say on your fertility, but obviously it'd be a better situation if it was something you & DH were in agreement about!
He feels like a fourth would complete our family and at one point I did too. But now three feels right. I have even thought about adopting or fostering a few years down the line but I don't want to 'start all over'.
You are not a bad wife. I think it's not only smart of you, but also unselfish to know when you've hit your limit, both emotionally and financially. You are also looking out for the needs of the the children you already have. Hopefully, your husband will understand and support you. ((hugs))
Just try not to stress too much about it. It's not good for you to worry too much about something that's not urgent or not happening yet. When you have given birth, then try to talk to your husband again and present your points. Tell him how it is your body and how caring for three kids is already enough for you. Tell him you don't want him to resent you for your decision so he needs to understand, and tell him you also don't want to resent him when the time comes that your hands are too full caring for four children and you have lost all of yourself in the process.
I know how you feel. We are done after this one. DH would be open to many more if I was. When I got pregnant this time it wasn't on purpose, but he couldn't understand why I said I was done. It took many long talks about how hard it's been for me to be pregnant for him to finally get it. We're done and he's getting a Vasectomy. I hope talking things out more will help you! It's a big and hard decision to make, especially if you're both not on board.
My DH is still mad that i went thru with my tubal without him 100% agreeing. I found out i was hypothyroid after DD#2 and did not want to go thru a pregnancy full of bloodwork all the time and not be able to enjoy it, and i worried that it would affect a pregnancy, and possibly not be able to carry a HEALTHY baby.
But i got it done and have had a hysterectomy since, so i am REALLY done.
It irritates me that people always want to say "nothing is 100% with birth control, but hello when i dont have a uterus anymore to carry a baby i cannnot have anymore