Log In Sign Up

Well . . . it's done


Forum: Done Having Children

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Done Having Children LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
December 7th, 2010, 12:48 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,646
And I can't stop crying. My dh had his vasectomy today and I can't stop crying. I agreed to him having it done, it's not like he did it without my approval, but I am so upset. I don't really think I want any more kids. My three are quite a handful. We can't even begin to afford another one anyway. My husband's patience is not the greatest and I KNOW he could never handle a 4th. I don't think I could either at times. Neither one of us wants a huge gap between our close three and a 4th anyway, so it would have to be soon which just isn't feasible. But I can't stop crying. Why am I crying? Is this normal? Is it just knowing that there is now no way I can have kids again that is bothering me? I don't want him to know how I feel because I don't want him to feel bad. When I was pregnant with my third I was adament that I didn't want any more. I told dh to videotape me saying that and replay it to me later if I had the crazy idea to have a 4th. That's when we decided we would be done. DH actually had an appointment the day I was induced to discuss his vasectomy. I was all for it. Then I pushed him off for 16 months before finally letting him do it.

I'm sorry for posting this. I just don't know who to talk to. Like I said, I don't want dh to feel bad because I did say it was okay. I just think I need to have a good cry and vent.
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #2  
December 7th, 2010, 01:47 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 2,338
It's perfectly fine to vent and cry. I do sometimes and I'm the one that chose to tie my tubes three years ago.
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #3  
December 7th, 2010, 02:29 PM
Amaranth Dhanya's Avatar aka Hillarie
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: In the West
Posts: 11,170
Send a message via Yahoo to Amaranth Dhanya
Some have issues with the idea of that part of their life over with.

I did not but most I know do have a difficult time and cry and thats perfectly alright. Should be no shame in it.

If you think about it...for how many years(20 or close to it if not longer)we prepare to be pregnant, to have children, to be moms, etc. Its what most little girls dream about and then it starts happening and then it ends....just like that! *snaps finger* We wait and all that for so long and its over before we know it and logic tells us we are where we should be and all that but it doesnt make it easier to let that long part of our lives go.

Give yourself time. Time to mourn the end of the giving birth part of raising your family. Time to get used to it not happening again(unless a miracle occurs of course). Time to get used to being in the new phase of your life...raising your kids.
__________________






~My thanks to *Kiliki* for the siggy and Lucy S for the blinkies~
Reply With Quote
  #4  
December 7th, 2010, 07:41 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,646
Thanks for your thoughts/advice. It's been a really hard day for me. I've been crying so much all day. DH is the most awake/aware right now that he's been all day and he still hasn't noticed or asked why I look like I've been hit by a truck. My back is aching, my stomach has been upset, and of course I've been crying so much my eyes are all puffy. I'm hoping I can get a good nights sleep and feel better tomorrow. A couple of nights ago I had a dream that we went in to get it done and something was messed up with the paperwork or something so they couldn't do it and I was so relieved. When the doctor came in today it was all I could do to not scream "stop, don't do it!" I really hope I don't come to regret this decision but it's too late now, no turning back.
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #5  
January 16th, 2011, 07:09 PM
Jodi Dawn's Avatar Host of the Jan-July 05 P
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 25,724
Send a message via Yahoo to Jodi Dawn
how are things going? have things gotten smoother for ya? it gets easier as time goes on.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #6  
January 17th, 2011, 08:19 AM
Newbie
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 9
I have a feeling I am going to be the exact same way when DH has his vasectomy, too.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
January 18th, 2011, 05:43 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,646
Things have gotten easier, thanks for asking. I still have moments when I wish I'd be able to experience pregnancy and having a little baby all over again. But at least I don't feel any resentment toward my husband which I was afraid of.

I'm kind of curious what's going to happen, though. Last night DH didn't pull out like he usually does. He says he feels "safe." But it's only been a little over a month since the procedure. Unless he's been doing a lot on his own time I know we're not at the 20 "shots" the doctor said. And Sunday I started having a lot of CM, I'm right in the middle of my cycle, so it wouldn't suprise me if I have or do ovulate really soon. So we'll see, maybe I'll get one more afterall. Is it bad of me to be secretly hoping we do have an oops?
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #8  
January 19th, 2011, 12:00 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 9
I don't think it is bad for you to secretly hope. I think I will, too. lol
Reply With Quote
  #9  
January 19th, 2011, 01:23 PM
*Jennifer*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: California
Posts: 5,500
It is perfectly normal. You have gone from having the choice to not having another baby to not being able to have another one. Hubby and I decided that we would have only one. In fact, DH 110% wants only one. Yet, I am on Mirena instead of having DH get a vasectomy.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #10  
January 24th, 2011, 09:20 AM
*Cyndee*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 29,840
Send a message via ICQ to *Cyndee*
Kim you are a wonderful mother, it comes so naturally for you I can understand why you are mourning the end of growing your family and the possibilities that come with it. I hope you find more peace as time goes on.
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #11  
January 31st, 2011, 04:33 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada <3
Posts: 1,371
to be honest, I have 4, my oldest was 3 when my 4th was born (she was born 9 days before he tured 4) I had my tubes tied. I thought I was okay with it, because when I found out I was preg wither my daughter, I was in tears and swore up & down my entire pregnancy that I was done, went ahead with my tubal, and about 2 weeks after she was born, I felt the same way you do. I can't tell if its because I want more kids, or because I can't have more kids.

I'm going on 2 months late, and very much hoping I have a failed tubal and healthy pregnancy. But all my tests are neg. I'm (not so secretly) hoping for this every month!
Its completely normal, I don't know if it gets easier, but I assume after a while, it will.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #12  
February 8th, 2011, 09:14 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,646
Just as an update, AF returned today with a vengence. I'm not too sure how I feel (other than in pain from the cramps). When I was taking like a million tests over the past couple of weeks waiting for AF, I kept looking so hard to see that second line. When I got a nasty evap and thought it might be the beginnings of a BFP, a huge smile came across my face, but now that I know I'm not preggo, I also know it's for the best. I guess I'm a little upset just because there was always this feeling of "we still have until DH's sperm count comes back as 0." He took his sample in last Friday and it came back clear. So now I know there will definitely be no more babies for me. I'm sad, but I'm not crying like I was the day he had his vasectomy done, so I think I'm okay with it. I love my kids, but they can really be a handful. I think another one, especially any time soon, might just be too much for me. I do home daycare and I don't want to do it forever. I'm looking forward to all of my kids being in school and me being able to do something else, get back out in the workforce with a little more adult interaction. Right now I'm just ready for AF to be gone!
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #14  
March 2nd, 2011, 06:43 PM
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 16
I didn't cry about not being able to have anymore kids until my youngest was a year old. My husband went and got his vasectomy when my daughter was a week old, so of course at that point I was all for it. Now my daughter is 3 and I still hope that maybe his vasectomy will fuse back together one day. Everytime my period is late I get excited a little bit and then AF comes and I am a bit disappointed. I know another kid right now wouldn't be the best for us, for so many reasons, but I always wanted a big family and I get sad I won't get that.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
March 3rd, 2011, 08:36 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,646
I am finding that I'm almost searching for pregnancy symptoms, wanting to take a test and see if I'm pregnant. My cycle never was very regular, so sometimes I'm not really sure when to expect AF and I'm looking for symptoms that just aren't there. I assume I'll get over that one day. I wouldn't say I'm sad and necessarily hoping for a failure at this point, but I definitely wonder a lot. I think it's just habit. For many reasons, it's best that we're done, so I'm really trying to just enjoy my three kids and live in the moment with them instead of worrying about what could have been.
__________________


Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:05 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0