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And I can't stop crying. My dh had his vasectomy today and I can't stop crying. I agreed to him having it done, it's not like he did it without my approval, but I am so upset. I don't really think I want any more kids. My three are quite a handful. We can't even begin to afford another one anyway. My husband's patience is not the greatest and I KNOW he could never handle a 4th. I don't think I could either at times. Neither one of us wants a huge gap between our close three and a 4th anyway, so it would have to be soon which just isn't feasible. But I can't stop crying. Why am I crying? Is this normal? Is it just knowing that there is now no way I can have kids again that is bothering me? I don't want him to know how I feel because I don't want him to feel bad. When I was pregnant with my third I was adament that I didn't want any more. I told dh to videotape me saying that and replay it to me later if I had the crazy idea to have a 4th. That's when we decided we would be done. DH actually had an appointment the day I was induced to discuss his vasectomy. I was all for it. Then I pushed him off for 16 months before finally letting him do it.
I'm sorry for posting this. I just don't know who to talk to. Like I said, I don't want dh to feel bad because I did say it was okay. I just think I need to have a good cry and vent.
Some have issues with the idea of that part of their life over with.
I did not but most I know do have a difficult time and cry and thats perfectly alright. Should be no shame in it.
If you think about it...for how many years(20 or close to it if not longer)we prepare to be pregnant, to have children, to be moms, etc. Its what most little girls dream about and then it starts happening and then it ends....just like that! *snaps finger* We wait and all that for so long and its over before we know it and logic tells us we are where we should be and all that but it doesnt make it easier to let that long part of our lives go.
Give yourself time. Time to mourn the end of the giving birth part of raising your family. Time to get used to it not happening again(unless a miracle occurs of course). Time to get used to being in the new phase of your life...raising your kids.
~My thanks to *Kiliki* for the siggy and Lucy S for the blinkies~
Thanks for your thoughts/advice. It's been a really hard day for me. I've been crying so much all day. DH is the most awake/aware right now that he's been all day and he still hasn't noticed or asked why I look like I've been hit by a truck. My back is aching, my stomach has been upset, and of course I've been crying so much my eyes are all puffy. I'm hoping I can get a good nights sleep and feel better tomorrow. A couple of nights ago I had a dream that we went in to get it done and something was messed up with the paperwork or something so they couldn't do it and I was so relieved. When the doctor came in today it was all I could do to not scream "stop, don't do it!" I really hope I don't come to regret this decision but it's too late now, no turning back.
Things have gotten easier, thanks for asking. I still have moments when I wish I'd be able to experience pregnancy and having a little baby all over again. But at least I don't feel any resentment toward my husband which I was afraid of.
I'm kind of curious what's going to happen, though. Last night DH didn't pull out like he usually does. He says he feels "safe." But it's only been a little over a month since the procedure. Unless he's been doing a lot on his own time I know we're not at the 20 "shots" the doctor said. And Sunday I started having a lot of CM, I'm right in the middle of my cycle, so it wouldn't suprise me if I have or do ovulate really soon. So we'll see, maybe I'll get one more afterall. Is it bad of me to be secretly hoping we do have an oops?
It is perfectly normal. You have gone from having the choice to not having another baby to not being able to have another one. Hubby and I decided that we would have only one. In fact, DH 110% wants only one. Yet, I am on Mirena instead of having DH get a vasectomy.
Kim you are a wonderful mother, it comes so naturally for you I can understand why you are mourning the end of growing your family and the possibilities that come with it. I hope you find more peace as time goes on.
to be honest, I have 4, my oldest was 3 when my 4th was born (she was born 9 days before he tured 4) I had my tubes tied. I thought I was okay with it, because when I found out I was preg wither my daughter, I was in tears and swore up & down my entire pregnancy that I was done, went ahead with my tubal, and about 2 weeks after she was born, I felt the same way you do. I can't tell if its because I want more kids, or because I can't have more kids.
I'm going on 2 months late, and very much hoping I have a failed tubal and healthy pregnancy. But all my tests are neg. I'm (not so secretly) hoping for this every month!
Its completely normal, I don't know if it gets easier, but I assume after a while, it will.
Just as an update, AF returned today with a vengence. I'm not too sure how I feel (other than in pain from the cramps). When I was taking like a million tests over the past couple of weeks waiting for AF, I kept looking so hard to see that second line. When I got a nasty evap and thought it might be the beginnings of a BFP, a huge smile came across my face, but now that I know I'm not preggo, I also know it's for the best. I guess I'm a little upset just because there was always this feeling of "we still have until DH's sperm count comes back as 0." He took his sample in last Friday and it came back clear. So now I know there will definitely be no more babies for me. I'm sad, but I'm not crying like I was the day he had his vasectomy done, so I think I'm okay with it. I love my kids, but they can really be a handful. I think another one, especially any time soon, might just be too much for me. I do home daycare and I don't want to do it forever. I'm looking forward to all of my kids being in school and me being able to do something else, get back out in the workforce with a little more adult interaction. Right now I'm just ready for AF to be gone!
I didn't cry about not being able to have anymore kids until my youngest was a year old. My husband went and got his vasectomy when my daughter was a week old, so of course at that point I was all for it. Now my daughter is 3 and I still hope that maybe his vasectomy will fuse back together one day. Everytime my period is late I get excited a little bit and then AF comes and I am a bit disappointed. I know another kid right now wouldn't be the best for us, for so many reasons, but I always wanted a big family and I get sad I won't get that.
I am finding that I'm almost searching for pregnancy symptoms, wanting to take a test and see if I'm pregnant. My cycle never was very regular, so sometimes I'm not really sure when to expect AF and I'm looking for symptoms that just aren't there. I assume I'll get over that one day. I wouldn't say I'm sad and necessarily hoping for a failure at this point, but I definitely wonder a lot. I think it's just habit. For many reasons, it's best that we're done, so I'm really trying to just enjoy my three kids and live in the moment with them instead of worrying about what could have been.