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Can't agree on if we are done

Forum: Done Having Children


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August 15th, 2012, 07:18 AM
TerriLF's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 566
My husband and I have 2 kids (3 yr old boy 1.5 yr old girl) and I still want one more. I have always wanted 3 kids and still feel like our family isn't complete. My husband says he doesn't want any more. I tried to push the subject the other day and told him if he is so set against having another child he needs to get a vasectomy. He said no. Whenever the subject gets brought up (by friends and family asking if we are done) he always says he is done and everyone knows I want one more. Well I told him we really needed to sit down and talk because even though I want to wait another year or so, we need to resolve this difference between us because its all I can think about and things like this cause big problems in a marriage. He said it isn't going to be a big problem he just isn't sure he wants another child ( I still see that is a big problem if neither of us wants to move on our view). I don't know what to do...I need all the help advice support I can get from you all..Have any of you had similar situations and what ended up happening.

I feel like since he isn't willing to get a vasectomy, that maybe deep down he does want another child, but that he isn't ready now especially since ours are very needy and fight all the time now..lol..
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August 21st, 2012, 11:59 AM
mom2brittnchris's Avatar TTC#3
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Eastern North Carolina
Posts: 234
Me and DH went thru this too. I wanted to try for another when our youngest was 1 (we had a 3 year old also) but DH wasn't having it. He was pretty sure he didn't want anymore. I eventually decided I didn't want any either but here we are 11 years later TTC. My husband wants another one so bad!!!! I think that he needed a break from having two so young and close together and now that they are bigger he really does miss having a little one in the hse

With your husband not wanting to have a vasectomy he could not be completely sure that he doesn't want another one but maybe doesn't want to have another one right now. I would give it time and maybe discuss readdressing the thought of having another kid a year or so down the road and see where you both stand then.

Good luck!
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December 9th, 2013, 05:28 PM
acupofjoe's Avatar Proud mama of three!
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: washington state.
Posts: 21,341
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Going through this to only its my DH that wants more kids but I am done. It is hard! Best of luck to you guys.
Nessa proud married working mother of three kids in Washington state. Trying to raise our family of five as LDS. Taking life one day at a time.
Jordan - 6 yr; Stan - 4 yr; & Tyler - 2 yr.
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January 16th, 2014, 11:43 AM
ProudMommy2014's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 85
I want another child but my DH does not. We always agreed on 3, although I wanted 4, but I thought we would have three.... nope, only have two and I cant get my DH to budge on this. He is done and does not want a third. SO I am having to accept it I guess.
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April 15th, 2014, 11:41 AM
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 17
My hubby wants another and I do not. He doesn't push the issue though. With both of us working its simply too much for me to handle a 3rd in addition to our 2 we have now. Communicating why you want more and him communicating why he doesn't should definitely happen sooner rather than later.
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April 19th, 2014, 12:19 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,786
DH talked about only having two, now we have four. I think just let the topic drop for no especially if you're not ready just yet. His mind may change or your mind may change.

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October 3rd, 2014, 08:32 AM
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 13
I am glad that both of us agreed that we are already done. Cause even if he still wants more, he can't do anything to convince me.
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March 10th, 2015, 08:51 AM
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 13
TerriLF, you also need to consider being able to provide for the needs of your two kids. I am not only talking about financial support, but also emotionally. 1 year old and 3 years old are trying ages. They will ask for your attention ALL the time. You also need to think about what is good for your kids and if you will be able to give them what they need esp when one starts going to school and you need to bring him/her to and from school while hauling the other along. Imagine tutoring one child while feeding another and carrying another baby in your womb. These are images you should keep in mind. If you still decide that you want another baby, then have a good talk with your husband about how much you need it.
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March 24th, 2015, 08:09 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 689
I would say just give it time. He clearly has some uncertainty as to whether he is done or not. After I had our second daughter I literally went back and forth every other day on wanting one more or being done. I finally thought seriously about it and a 3rd child just isn't for me. As for my husband, he was fine either way since he had 4 boys already and now our 2 girls. Sometimes it just takes time. It took me a year and a half after our youngest was born.

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March 30th, 2015, 12:11 AM
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 92
Be patient with him. We went through the same thing. I would be careful not to talk about having a second one very often, but on occassion when you do bring it up, state the positive reasons why another child would be a great thing for our family. My husband has come around & I know he is happy about it & I'm happy that I waited & didn't pressure too much.
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April 23rd, 2015, 09:47 PM
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 24
I can really relate to this thread because I decided that I'm done. I am looking forward to being able to devote my time to my kids. I want to be there at school activities and not have to stay home because of siblings. It really is a tough decision, though. Sometimes, when you look at your kids growing up so fast, you feel that you are about to be obsolete and you'd start wanting more.
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May 1st, 2015, 02:23 AM
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 67
Don't make any connections in between not wanting a vasectomy and the desire to have more kids as there is none. Men think vasectomy will make them lesser men so tend to avoid it.
What you can do is find an appropriate time and sit him down for a nice relaxed conversation about this. Listen to him and ask about his reasons, his fears. Try to read in between the line and see what's his problem, then try to solve it before asking him for another child.
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May 2nd, 2015, 08:12 PM
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by Sonya Jackson View Post
I can really relate to this thread because I decided that I'm done. I am looking forward to being able to devote my time to my kids. I want to be there at school activities and not have to stay home because of siblings. It really is a tough decision, though. Sometimes, when you look at your kids growing up so fast, you feel that you are about to be obsolete and you'd start wanting more.
I have reached my quota, one boy one girl and that's it lol and I'm not changing my mind
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May 5th, 2015, 05:18 PM
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 24
I know I wrote about it here before, but I had several problems giving birth on top of having a c-section - twice! Not to give too much details, but I had horrible morning (noon and night) sickness, I got back leg cramps and on top of it all, lost clumps of hair. What really saved me was the support I got from other moms. After that and of course treatment for my hair loss, really turned me off. I love my kids and can't imagine not having them around to hug and kiss a million times a day, but I also can't imagine going through c-section and everything else again. I hope I don't turn off moms to be in this forum, though. My experiences are isolated ones that will most likely not happen to anyone else. Plus, the first time you will see your baby, of course, is really precious. I have to say this for the benefit of moms to be.
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May 7th, 2015, 07:30 PM
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 18
Pregnancy is different for each woman and I'm glad that I didn't had any difficulties when I was pregnant with my two kids before. The only thing I was concern about was my thyroid problem other than that it was all good.
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