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  #1  
February 24th, 2007, 09:30 AM
sara~b's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Hi all. My name is Sara and I'm 22. I have a two year old daughter named Gemma. My SO is Zack, 27, and he is not Gemma's biological father. Recently, Zack proposed and I accepted. However, one thing we've been having problems with is the topic of children. He doesn't want any more and I am undecided.

So my questions are: How did you know you were done? Did you ever have doubts? Was it your decision, your SO's, or a mutual agreement? And how permanently done are you (Vasectomy, tubal, or BC)?

My SO is talking about getting the V and I'm honestly not that upset. I just think we're too young to make it permanent. He doesn't have any children of his own and I feel that he may regret it 20 years down the line. Plus I don't want resentment in our relationship because I decide I can't live without another child down the line. I just need some advice and input from women who are done, especially if you only have one child. Thanks ladies!
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Sara, 27, married to Shane, 31, mom to Gemma, 6, and Ashlyn, born 8/7/10







Running for my health and sanity!
PR's: 5k-25:05 (old PR 25:10), 5M-45:03 (old PR - 47:22), 10k - 52:00 (approximate - training), HM-2:25:58 (ran a 2:17:36 during marathon), Full- 4:49:25 (old PR -5:49:40), 50k-7:05:56, 50M-13:31:14, 100k- 18:59:31 (old PR 20:56)
(All of these PR's are going down this season!)

My Pregnancy Chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1c6297
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  #2  
February 24th, 2007, 04:09 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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Miguels an only

Quote:
How did you know you were done?[/b]
besides the fact I was indiffrent to having another child I had medical complications. If I had another child I wanted it to be close in age (26 months or less). As time went on I got more and more use to him being an only and happy about it.
Quote:
Did you ever have doubts?[/b]
A couple of times we talked about adoption but nothing really seriously We deside against it in less then two weeks.
Quote:
Was it your decision, your SO's, or a mutual agreement?[/b]
It was mutual. I would not get somthing permanet if it wasn't mutual.
Quote:
how permanently done are you (Vasectomy, tubal, or BC)?[/b]
He got a vasectomy.

We started trying to find some one that would do it when I was 19 we finally got one done when I was 22. It's been less then a year but we're happy with our desition. Will regret it 20 years later probably not. If we do we can adopt.
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  #3  
February 24th, 2007, 08:43 PM
sara~b's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thanks for your input. I appreciate it. However, I talked some more with Zack and he started belittling my parenting and saying that's a major reason he won't have kids with me. I told him if he were around enough to help me discipline her then he could talk but since he's not he can take his notions on parenting and shove them. I was willing to deal with no more kids for him (or so I thought) but he just proved to me that he doesn't deserve to be a part of my daughter and I's life. He basically said he can't love my daughter because she's not 'disciplined'. Sorry but I've never seen a 'disciplined' two year old. She picks up her toys before bed, eats her vegetables, and takes her medicine without a fuss (she has asthma). What more can I ask for at two? Just the idea of basing your love on whether or not the child is 'good enough' makes me sick. I called off our engagement and packed his stuff. So maybe I'm still done having children but at least it's not someone else making that decision for me.

Anyway, thanks for giving some advice. I hope someone else will find it useful.
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Sara, 27, married to Shane, 31, mom to Gemma, 6, and Ashlyn, born 8/7/10







Running for my health and sanity!
PR's: 5k-25:05 (old PR 25:10), 5M-45:03 (old PR - 47:22), 10k - 52:00 (approximate - training), HM-2:25:58 (ran a 2:17:36 during marathon), Full- 4:49:25 (old PR -5:49:40), 50k-7:05:56, 50M-13:31:14, 100k- 18:59:31 (old PR 20:56)
(All of these PR's are going down this season!)

My Pregnancy Chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1c6297
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  #4  
February 25th, 2007, 01:24 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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I'm sorry....I think that's all you should ask of a two year old. My sons 4 and still has difficaulty taking his asthma medison calmly. He also feels his rooms not messy no matter what
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  #5  
February 25th, 2007, 04:26 AM
ann03's Avatar Veteran
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Hi and welcome to our board. I think being so young, and having only one child, you definitly shouldn't get anything permenent. I just got my tubes done, but I have three children. I was unsure, but deep down I knew that we where satisfied with the three kids we have. I hope everything works out for you and I hope to hear more from you.
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  #6  
February 25th, 2007, 03:55 PM
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Quote:


Hi and welcome to our board. I think being so young, and having only one child, you definitly shouldn't get anything permenent. I just got my tubes done, but I have three children. I was unsure, but deep down I knew that we where satisfied with the three kids we have. I hope everything works out for you and I hope to hear more from you.[/b]

I don't think your age or how many children you have or how old you are should really make a difference it should be if you know what you want or not. Hubby and I decided not to have anymore when I was 19 and he was 20 and we fought for 3 years to make it permanent. He had a vasectomy when he was 23 and I was 22 and I am staying on birth control (safety precaution). It has been 5 1/2 years since we made the decision not to have anymore and 2 years since his vasectomy and we have absolutely no regrets and never have. We knew what we wanted, still do, always did, and we made it happen. Oh yes and we only have 1 child who is now 5 1/2.
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  #7  
February 26th, 2007, 07:11 AM
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I have 3 children, only 1 is DH's but he knows that i could not cope with another one, so it was mutual. I'm getting my tubes done on Wednesday
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  #8  
February 26th, 2007, 10:05 AM
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B)--> <div class='quotemain'>
Thanks for your input. I appreciate it. However, I talked some more with Zack and he started belittling my parenting and saying that's a major reason he won't have kids with me. I told him if he were around enough to help me discipline her then he could talk but since he's not he can take his notions on parenting and shove them. I was willing to deal with no more kids for him (or so I thought) but he just proved to me that he doesn't deserve to be a part of my daughter and I's life. He basically said he can't love my daughter because she's not 'disciplined'. Sorry but I've never seen a 'disciplined' two year old. She picks up her toys before bed, eats her vegetables, and takes her medicine without a fuss (she has asthma). What more can I ask for at two? Just the idea of basing your love on whether or not the child is 'good enough' makes me sick. I called off our engagement and packed his stuff. So maybe I'm still done having children but at least it's not someone else making that decision for me.

Anyway, thanks for giving some advice. I hope someone else will find it useful.
[/quote]
My son is 3 and he still doesn't always pick up all his toys or eat all his vegetables or act like a perfect little angel all the time. He throws tantrums in public from time to time. He yells. He acts up. He is 3. I deal with it the best I can. I think you are making the best choice for you and your daughter. If he can't love your daughter for who she is then he isn't worth it. Best of luck to you!
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  #9  
February 27th, 2007, 06:45 AM
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Being a parent is hard and unfortunately I'm finding it gets harder as they get older (my daughter anyway). It was easier when they were two!! My daughter is now almost 8 and is a very difficult child. I'm not looking forward to teenage years!!!

we haven't done anything permanent yet, I'm only 27 and know we don't want more babies.... but I'm just not ready to do anything permantent. I have the IUD merina which is 99.9% effective. Hubby offered to get the V (before I had the baby) but he never made the appt and I do NOT want to get pregnant so I had the IUD put in last week Wednesday. Sometimes YOU have to be the responsible one...lol. Sorry that it didn't work out w/ your guy and I hope you find someone who will love your daughter! I married my dh when Megan was 16 months old and he loves her like his own!!!
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  #10  
March 2nd, 2007, 08:11 AM
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First and foremost, make sure you don't do anything permanent. Your parenting skills are fine and for goodness sakes, she is only 2. My 11 year old son still has a problem picking up after himself and what if things don't work out for the two of you and you find someone who wants children. Think hard about this. I had a tubal at 36 and regret it but unfortunately I won't be able have babies anymore and it hurts but I guess I'm done. So think about this before making any harsh decisions. You will know when you are done and you won't have to ask anyone....trust me .
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  #11  
March 9th, 2007, 06:22 PM
sara~b's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Well the updates are flowing here.... Lets see....

1. I got a new job. I found out Monday and started Thursday. I'm working with radiation on a daily basis and my manager has been hospitalized once already for radiation sickness so I think that means I'm probably done with children whether I want to be or not.

2. Zack found out Monday he's being transferred to North Carolina so I'm pretty sure we're over no matter what.

As for all your questions.... there is no question that I'm not doing something permanent yet. I have the mirena IUD. I figure someday when I meet someone we may want kids and if I can get the go ahead to get pg from a doctor and my job then I'm all for one more in the future. Gemma is turning two on Wednesday and I can't believe my baby girl is growing up so quick. Unfortunately, I'll be out of town Monday thru Wednesday so we're celebrating on Sunday.

Thanks for all the support ladies!
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Sara, 27, married to Shane, 31, mom to Gemma, 6, and Ashlyn, born 8/7/10







Running for my health and sanity!
PR's: 5k-25:05 (old PR 25:10), 5M-45:03 (old PR - 47:22), 10k - 52:00 (approximate - training), HM-2:25:58 (ran a 2:17:36 during marathon), Full- 4:49:25 (old PR -5:49:40), 50k-7:05:56, 50M-13:31:14, 100k- 18:59:31 (old PR 20:56)
(All of these PR's are going down this season!)

My Pregnancy Chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1c6297
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  #12  
April 15th, 2007, 07:56 AM
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Quote:
Quote:


Hi and welcome to our board. I think being so young, and having only one child, you definitly shouldn't get anything permenent. I just got my tubes done, but I have three children. I was unsure, but deep down I knew that we where satisfied with the three kids we have. I hope everything works out for you and I hope to hear more from you.[/b]

I don't think your age or how many children you have or how old you are should really make a difference it should be if you know what you want or not. Hubby and I decided not to have anymore when I was 19 and he was 20 and we fought for 3 years to make it permanent. He had a vasectomy when he was 23 and I was 22 and I am staying on birth control (safety precaution). It has been 5 1/2 years since we made the decision not to have anymore and 2 years since his vasectomy and we have absolutely no regrets and never have. We knew what we wanted, still do, always did, and we made it happen. Oh yes and we only have 1 child who is now 5 1/2.
[/b]
I agree...After the birth of my 1st I wanted my tubes tied, I cant take BC because of medical reasons and I am allergic to latex and copper. I was left with no options besides natural (and that didnt work very well for us), I was only 24 and they refused to tie my tubes becuase of my age. I tried everything to get them to do it and they wouldnt. A little over a year later I became pregnant. Dont get me wrong I LOVE MY DAUGHTERS RACHEL AND STEPHANIE MORE THAN WORLD, but I really only wanted 1. I wanted my tubes tied this time, and was also refused. I switched doctors and was refused again, I broke into tears with my new doctor. He finally agreed but he made me sign something (that I wouldnt sue him, and that he adviced me of the consequences blah blah) Before and during my c-section he asked me 9 times if I was sure. He even made a comment during the procedure in the operating room to everyone there "You all heard her she wants the tubal".
A little off topic....My half sister had cancer when she was 17 and had to have her ovaries removed. When she was 26 she developed cervical cancer. She wanted a historectomy, and every doctor refused because of her age. It didnt make sense, she couldnt have kids anyway, and she was on hormone treatment anyway...she ended up having to hire a lawyer. Well with her lawyer fighting the hospital she was finally able to have the historectomy.
I really dont think they should deny you because of age.
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  #13  
April 15th, 2007, 07:31 PM
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First of all as a parent of a 2 year old I know where you are coming from. I don't think there is a normal 2 year old that listens to their parents lol. Second of all when he proposed marriage to you he was saying I will take you and every part of your life. Why would he want to marry someone who he didnt think he could trust with his children. I think there were other reasons and he just covered them up with the excuse that he didn't agree with the way you raise your child. Oh well, his loss!! Besides your still young and you never know if your dd will start asking for a little sis/bro.
Before dh and I were married we discussed how many children we would want and by what age we would have them. Our decision was mutal and besides I'm prone to clots so my dr. pretty much told me no more anyway.
Good luck !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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