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I really though, up until a month or so ago that I was DONE having children. God has blessed me with 2 beautiful, healthy, happy boys and I am so thankful for them! However, about a month or so ago, I started to have baby fever for the first time EVER. It was so strong that I couldn't think straight. I talked with my husband and he was willing to consider the option, though he made it clear that this was NOT what he wanted (another baby). Well, we set a time frame - 6 months - in which to think and pray about this decision.
Two weeks ago, I was feeling pg symptoms and took a clear blue easy test. It was way too early to test, but I did it for kicks because I had never used a digital before and thought they were neat. I tested and it came back PREGNANT! My reaction was NOT at all what you would expect someone who truly wants a baby to have! I was scared, sad, nervous. I was not happy - not even a little bit. I was just terrified. It all came flooding back to me...what being pregnant was like, what labor and delivery was like, all the things that *could* happen during the whole pg, delivery, and beyond. I thought of the financial side, the DRAIN on what is already a way too tight budget. Turns out, the test was a false positive. I am not pregnant! I thought that was God's way of answering my prayer - and changing my heart. So I immediately started getting used to my life with my two sons again.
But in the back of my mind, I still was thinking...maybe. Then at supper the other night, dh said "you know, I have been thinking too about maybe having one more..."
So, just like he did when I said I wanted another, we have started back our 6 months of thinking and praying about one more baby. In January, if one of us wants it with all their heart, we will ttc #3. If neither of us wants another child, one or both of us will have the surgeries to end this back and forth. I think if I knew I was unable to have more children, it wouldn't be the same as wondering...what if...
I joined up with the ladies who are waiting to TTC, but I also wanted to come here and get both sides of the decision we are making.
A part of me just wants to watch my boys grow up and enjoy every second. Another part of me wants to add one more child to the family and watch them all grow up! LOL
I can totally understand how you are feeling. I have two adorable boys myself but after having the second one, I had a tubal. Oh, I thought I was done but baby fever hit me too. So I decided that I wanted to get my tubes reversed. I wanted another baby badddddddddddddddd. I cried, I was just upset over the entire situation. Why did I do such a stupid thing. I wanted another baby. I yearned for one. But, as time progressed, I pretty much came to terms that I was done, I had my two boys and I'll have both out of the house by the time I'm 54 . I'm 36 years old, soon to be 37 so that is why I felt like I was finished too. You and your dh are doing the right thing by giving it 6 months to decide. If you still have baby fever then, go for it. Plus, if you have asked God for guidance, he may give you one before 6 months and he may show you are done, regardless, he will show you and give you your answer. Children are blessings and I wish you and dh the best in your decision.
Thanks! I am 28, and want to be done having kids by the time I am 30 - whether than means one more or not. Dh is 38 so it is really important to us not to have kids too late for HIM to really enjoy them the way he deserves to.
I truly believe, too, that God will lead us in the direction and the path that He has for us...as long as we are patient and we listen!