[melissamarie247]

So, I just finished reading Aubrey's Journal and it is so encouraging that she finally got a good outcome. I feel like such a stalker.. but then again, isn't that why there are online journals.. so you can journal your feelings and others could read if they wish? Well, I feel like I wanted to start a journal of my process, too.. just to get out how I am feeling. I know it is tough not having anyone in real life that is also TTC w/PCOS. DH has a son from his last marriage. He got married to a woman then got deployed for a year. In his r&r (rest and relaxation 2 weeks home in the middle of a deployment) she got pregnant. He went back to Afghanistan and she left before he was back to go live with her mother. He has never been able to spend time with his son and now we pay $680/month on child support!! Also, the ex wife has never worked a day in her life and she has been "going to school" for years! His son is about 3 years old now (almost 1 when we met).. He is still in diapers and drinking out of bottles and barely talks. They are spoiling him, not disciplining him, and letting him grow up dumb. I feel horrible that we have no control over that. They also are not teaching him English (he lives in Puerto Rico). It is situations like that that make me so frustrated. We have been TTC for about a year now and she has DH's child and does not deserve him! end of ex-wife rant..

Ever since I got off birth control about a year ago I blew up like a balloon. I gained 50 pounds and can't shake it! I don't fit any of my clothes and I was getting so depressed. Not to mention, crazy acne like I haven't had since early puberty.. I have always had irregular periods and small acne issues but when a dermatologist put me on Yaz when I was 15 I stayed on it until I was 22 (last year)... It made me able to maintain a healthy lifestyle and weight. I felt great. I got normal periods... until I stopped. I am so glad my husband truly loves me because he says he doesn't care about it all but I feel like something is seriously wrong with me. I have tons of family with PCOS and did my research on it and told the doctors but she looked at me like I was crazy. I went months just suffering through gaining weight and depression over not being able to conceive and live normally. I made a complaint and got my good doctor. It is a doctor on the German economy but I will take it since he knows what he is talking about. I won't forget my first appointment. December 19th. He took blood work then set my next appointment. My second appointment was December 29th. He took more blood and did an internal ultrasound. I felt so good being able to see those cysts. I know it is a bad thing to have but seeing them and confirming them made me realize treatment was on the way. He gave me metformin and a followup for 4 weeks. I now have 10 more days until my appointment and I want to know how the metformin is working. I am ready to get preggo. I want him to prescribe Clomid but if he doesn't I will probably do soy myself. I am so ready to be a mommy.

I know DH wants to have a baby so bad, too. Everytime we go over to our friend's places with children he plays with the kids the whole time. He loves the little ones. He wants to be a dad so bad. I feel like I am faulty not being able to give one to him right now. Before we got married we talked about it. We wanted two (well, I want 3 but it all depends on finances). We want them close in age, so I hope after #1, #2 comes pretty smoothly.

There is my very long journal entry #1. I will do more entries every time I have to get out my feelings. Here is a great and supportive community and I am so happy to have found it. Next entry will probably be after my appointment January 23rd.

[aubers68]

Welcome to the world of Journals lol. Sometimes I felt silly venting my worries to the world but it can really help get thing out, even if it tends to be repetitive! I'm so sorry you have to go through all that with your DHs ex. That's really terrible. That poor child

I'm so happy metformin is working well for you and I cannot wait to see how your next checkup goes! FX for Clomid!!!

[melissamarie247]

Thanks Aubrey! I will keep this journal going for my own sanity until I finally do conceive and it goes to 3 months. I don't want to tell any family or friends until we are out of that first trimester because I read a lot of stories of loss on here that are usually around 6, 8, or 10 weeks and I don't want to talk about it if it happened to me with anyone who would pitty me. People here know what it is like... but hoping for only positive stories.

[melissamarie247]

So, today's appointment was relatively uneventful. I went in, the doctor drew blood and said call in two days for results. He said if metformin is working, he is just going to keep me on it.. if it is not fixing hormones, he will do surgery.. which is the ovarian drilling. Two more days waiting to see what is going on. I can't buy soy here so I ordered some on amazon for when AF decides to show up. It was here last December 18th.

[melissamarie247]

I got the blood test results. I don't know what these levels mean, but the doctor told me my testosterone on December 18th was at .65 and the metformin didnt do much in the past 4 weeks because it is only at .64 now. He wanted me to stay on metformin another 4 weeks then talk about the laproscopic surgery but I just asked him to do the surgery anyway. I figured if it'll only go down one more point and just end up here again.. why not go for it. I go for an appointment for bloodwork on Monday and then surgery on Friday. Currently I am trying to figure out how bad the testosterone levels were. I can't seem to find those numbers.

[melissamarie247]

Getting Nervous!! I have tomorrow to clean up the house and do everything. Thursday I am going grocery shopping and going to meet with the anesthesiologist at the hospital.. Then on Friday is the big day. Ovarian Drilling in a German hospital apparently requires an overnight stay so I get to come home Saturday. I hope this means quick results!!

[melissamarie247]

Two days after surgery.. Im really sore and it hurts getting up and down. alert... I am pretty sure most of the pain was due to the gas they blew in my stomach. It was a lot of pressure in there that seems to be reveived by passing gas.. also, I was a little constipated but feel a world better after that painful toilet trip. 600mg motrin does the trick for me. I cant wait to be less tender and hopefully get preggo soon. I know my husband will be happy to get out of chef and maid duty. I wish I knew what to expect going into this but I hope to be able to answer any questions others have when Im fully recovered.

[melissamarie247]

It is now 4 days past surgery and I feel fine. I am not taking pain meds.. It is slightly uncomfortable to bring anything downstairs or to lift too much weight.. but it doesn't hurt.

[melissamarie247]

Today is 11 days past surgery. I shoveled outside, cleaned the fishtank, cleaned the house that's been slacking since surgery, cleaned out the litter box, and I am feeling completely fine. I won't do ab workouts yet but I think tomorrow I am going to do some working out. I also have to catch up on some online college I chose to do 'just because'.. lol.

I feel good. I can't wait until Aunt Flo finally makes her appearance so I can try more actively to get pregnant. I know some people don't even get their periods after Ovarian Drilling and can get pregnant.. but usually you need a cycle. My last one was December 18th!! Still waiting 2 months later.

[melissamarie247]

It is now 23 days past surgery. The places I had stitches are fading nicely. I got a sharp pain under where the stitches were in my left side a few minutes ago. It only lasted a second.. It has happened a few times in random spots. Sometimes on the right, sometimes on the left. I am going to just think it is healing pains and move on. I have my follow up on March 1st... one month post-surgery. I know it would probably be too soon to do anything about it.. but I really hope I get something to induce my period!!! I still haven't seen it since December. It is getting really frustrating. I am hoping the doctor can give me some progesterone and then clomid.. I'd love to get the ball rolling this quickly. He's been great so far with trying to get me preggo fast.

[-Brandy-]

Can't wait to hear an update after your appt on the first!

[melissamarie247]

I will definitely be updating after my appointment tomorrow (even if it is not much to update)... As for today.. the day before my appointment.. AF finally decides to show. That means no internal ultrasound checkup of what the surgery did.. but at least it is something to run by the doctor.

It took exactly 26 days after surgery to get my first visit from Aunt Flo! I am hoping that means that it will be normal 28 day cycles.. but that is too much of a stretch to hope for just yet.. either way.. time to figure out this cycle!

[*Manda*]

Can't wait for your update!

[melissamarie247]

Today's Update:
Going on 50mg of clomid once in the morning, once at night... on cycle days 5-9!!!

Yay!

Then follow up on the 12th!

[melissamarie247]

sometimes I hate myself for getting my hopes up.. I see clomid on the counter and all I can think is "baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby!!" It's so frustrating! I am only on cd3!! It's going to be a LONG month!

[melissamarie247]

Today is CYCLE DAY 5!!! That means CLOMID begins!!! I start today for 5 days and then 8 days from now, I get an internal ultrasound to see how things are looking. YAY! I never would have thought so much could have happened in the less than 3 months of being with this new doctor but he's been so good and so determined to get me pregnant.. That is one of the things I will miss going back to the states.. my good doctor. Hopefully he successfully gets me and my husband pregnant by this month or next (before I go back to the US and have to find another doctor.

[melissamarie247]

Day 2 of Clomid: I was a little sensitive to something my hubby said today.. but I knew I might be a little crazy so I kept it in check. It was just something dumb anyways.. I was really hot at night, so we left a window open. Overall going good..

btw, here is what the Clomid I got here in Germany looks like.

[-Brandy-]

Yay for day 2 of clomid!! Did you find a bbt yet?

[melissamarie247]

yes. I will be getting a basal body thermometer in the mail.. I usually order from amazon because it arrives quickly but they wanted to charge over $25 for one with shipping.. so I ordered from walmart and it'll take a couple weeks but it was $7 with shipping.

Day 4 of clomid.. I'm dealing with the moody-ness pretty well, also I haven't been quite as hot except maybe half and hour after taking it. Clomid gives me a headache with too much activity, though..

I keep reading everywhere that people who are on 100mg of clomid a day take it all at once but my doctor is having me take 50mg in the morning and 50mg at night for the 5 days.. I guess google is not my friend because all the personal internet accounts are different. I am really hoping it will work first round, though.

[melissamarie247]

Today was a great doctors appointment... besides the whole condom on a stick being sent to explore.... the results were good, though! Looks like I should ovulate and I have one great looking folicle and a perfect lining (which is great since last time it was too thin).. I thank Clomid and my Ovarian Drilling.. Not sure which did more.. but I should ovulate in the next two days.. Gonna make the best of it with my husband and hope I get pregnant!!