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Forum: Post Partum Depression

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  #1  
September 14th, 2009, 05:56 AM
Regular
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 66
Hello - I was hoping there was a JM community for this, I don't know how active it is but I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about this in real life yet so I figured I would come here.

My son Daniel is almost 2 weeks old - he was born 9/2 after 10 hours of induced labor, 2 hours of pushing and an eventual c section. We were in the hospital for a few days and other than being sore, I was fine and excited to go home and start our new life as a family. That is basically when I fell totally apart.

It started with breastfeeding - some days he would latch, others not. I knew he wasn't getting enough so we supplemented with formula, but for some reason how we feed the baby has become everyone's business. The night that I sat trying to nurse him for 2.5 hours with tears streaming down my face as he pulled away and howled was pretty much the end - I have been pumping and just mixing whatever I get with enough formula to fill his belly. I don't feel too guilty about this unless someone asks me about it, then I crumble again.

But it has gotten worse from there - I have not really eaten anything to speak of in over a week - just enough to keep myself upright. (Ex: yesterday I ate a banana.) Everything I eat or drink comes right back out one end or the other, and I feel totally weak and helpless. I am exhausted and want to sleep, but wake up every hour either to get sick or to panic about something.

I am terrified of being alone with the baby, and when I hear him cry or even grunt it makes me sick to my stomach. I love him, I have no thoughts of hurting him or anything like that, but at the same time...my husband went back to work today and all I can think is that I wish I had been the one going back to work and someone else was caring for Danny.

Am I crazy? Do I just need to give it more time? It hasn't even been 2 weeks yet, but I don't know that I have ever felt this terrible. It took us a long time to conceive Danny, and we had losses along the way. I wanted this baby with every fiber of my being, why do I feel this way now?

Any advice would be much appreciated. I am just completely miserable, and I'm not sure what to do.
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Daniel Luke, 9-2-09.
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  #2  
September 14th, 2009, 10:05 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Auburn, IN
Posts: 8,546
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First and foremost, welcome to our board. We love having you here, even though we really aren't all that active yet. We are always here to listen whenever you need!

Congratulations on the birth of your son - it sounds like a very trying labor and delivery, but I'm glad that everything came out well for the both of you.

I'm sorry to hear that you are having trouble breastfeeding and that other people are sticking their noses in how he is eating. Please do not feel bad that you are supplementing formula! I had a heck of a time getting my son to nurse when he was little, and we supplemented then and even while I went back to work. I do know that babies pull away like that sometimes if they are allergic to something you have eaten or are in pain. Remember to bring it up to his pediatrician, they may be able to help you. I would also recommend popping in on the breastfeeding board if you need additional support there. We also have a breastfeeding and supplementing board that might be able to help you find the right words to tell folks who stick their noses in to stick them back out.

You will definitely feel worse when your diet is worse. With pumping and breastfeeding, you still need to make sure that you are getting enough to eat. 500 calories more than your pre-pregnancy diet is usually recommended, since it takes right around that much just to make the milk. Please try to eat more during the day. I know that it is coming back up, but you could try Pedialyte - something to get you enough nutrients that hopefully won't come back up, and work your way up to full meals again. Try to start with soft, bland foods, as that might help. Like boiled chicken and rice.

I would also recommend that you talk to your doctor. Perhaps you are having a reaction from a medication they gave you during the c-section. It's not good for you to be not able to keep food in your system, so make sure to check on that. You'll feel like a much better mom after you take care of yourself!

It may also help to try to find a mom's group in your area. Even a La Leche League group would do - those have helped me tremendously. Having someone else to talk to helps a lot. You may want to have someone watch Daniel so you can shower, eat and nap - things that make you feel normal again can go a long way in making you feel like a better mother!

I hope some of these things work out for you. I have a feeling that once you are able to eat again, you'll start to feel at least somewhat better. I know I would! Be sure you also drink enough water during the day. Keep us posted!
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Joanna
wife, mother, blogger, support group leader, perpetually behind on laundry



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  #3  
September 14th, 2009, 11:18 AM
kerian's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: South Africa
Posts: 33,718
hi and welcome!!!!!

i am so very sorry you are feeling the way you do. mrsliberty gave you awesome advice.

i just wanted to add that you should speak to your dac ASAP. i left mine for so long and i regret not getting help sooner so i could enjoy my baby more.

we are always here to listen if you need us.
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  #4  
September 14th, 2009, 12:52 PM
Regular
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 66
thanks ladies - I'm not sure what I want to do about the breast feeding issue. to be honest, making the switch to pumping/formula is the only thing that has brought me any kind of joy since he was born. taking the stress away of the breast feeding actually let me enjoy him for a little while.

I called and made an appointment with my obgyn tomorrow. its not with the doctor I usually see, or even with the doctor who delivered my son, so I have no idea how its going to go.
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Daniel Luke, 9-2-09.
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  #5  
September 14th, 2009, 05:04 PM
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Location: Auburn, IN
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I'm glad that you were able to get an appointment! Even though it's not who you usually see, I'm sure that he or she will be able to help. I'm glad that pumping and supplementing has helped you feel so much better. Maybe that's an answer for you. Healing takes all kinds of forms, and if that's what you feel comfortable with, then go for it! There's no reason for you to feel guilty for not breastfeeding!
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Joanna
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  #6  
September 15th, 2009, 10:49 AM
kerian's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: South Africa
Posts: 33,718
glad to hear you got a doc apt! please let us know how it goes.
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  #7  
September 16th, 2009, 11:25 AM
Regular
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 66
Hello again :-)

I had my appt yesterday, and even though I cried in the appt more than I would have thought was possible, it went well! They weighed me 3 times because they couldn't believe that I had lost 50 lbs in 2 weeks!! (Trust me, I am overweight, so its not like I am in big trouble). The prescribed me Zoloft - mainly to quiet the anxiety so that I could eat/sleep.

I feel hopeful! Today has been my best day yet.
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Daniel Luke, 9-2-09.
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  #8  
September 16th, 2009, 12:16 PM
kerian's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: South Africa
Posts: 33,718
i am so glad they gave you something to help. i am sure each day it will get better!
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