[Banned-mommy2boys0809]

I am feeling really stressed lately and I think I have PPD... I wanted to vent and let you all know what I am feeling and get some feed back.

I was actually diagnosed with mild depression about 3-4 years ago. I never went back to the psychologist and I ignored it (i know bad idea). My father died about a year later and two weeks after he died I found out I was pregnant with my son. I never really grieved for my dad. I put myself into my pregnancy and tried not to think about it.

April 08 my son was born. I think I started my PPD or just continued with my depression at this time. I had really bad mood swings and I never really wanted to do much of anything. I slept a lot which I chalked up to having interrupted sleep at night (even though I would go to bed at 10 and sleep till noon most days).

October 08 we moved an hour away from family and friends for my DH's job. So now I was alone with a six month old in a place I didn't know anyone. On top of that, we only had one car so I was stuck at home on top of that.

In Feb. 09 I found out I was pregnant again. Neither children were planned but this one was not wanted. I didn't think I could handle having another child while I was still not myself. I couldn't bare giving up the pregnancy so my son was born 10/17/09. I love him to pieces but I am now finding myself still upset and I think its worse than ever. I want to sleep all the time. I cry more often than necessary. I don't want to do anything besides sit on the couch or sleep.

I find myself having very little patience with both children.. for different reasons ofcourse. With my 19month old, I don't have the patience to deal with him at all. From not wanting to play with him, to losing my patience when he runs from me for nap times. I find myself giving him spankings on the bottom and I don't like it one bit. With Ryan, i want everyone to know I do not have any intention in hurting him... even though the thought has crossed my mind but I would never! I get frustrated when I am trying to tend to Matthew and he is crying for no apparent reason. I make sure he is fed, changed whatever before trying to feed Matthew or do our bed time routine.

I also feel resentment towards my children and my husband. I am stuck home all day every day while DH works normally 1pm to midnight. I feel useless and I know if I didn't have children I could be in school and/or working... doing something with myself. But i am sitting home now with two children with nothing to do besides housework and taking care of children.

Please ladies, I would like some input, encouragement, something. My PP checkup is on Friday but is it smart to wait or should I call tomorrow, if I even need to call at all.

[JessP]

I would mention your feelings to your dr on friday. It does sound like you have PPD or at least depression. There are many things that can help you find that peace and self worth you are needing. Have you looked into online courses? What about working from home to give you something outside the kids and the house? Do you have a hobby you used to do? I love to scrapbook and 99% of the time I take pictures of happy things that help lift my spirit when I am down. I am by no means perfect or have the perfect formula. This is what I tried. With my first and second children I took medicine to help me cope. You might want to try to do a 20-30 min work out dvd or walk or something. Not for the weight loss or anything just for the endorphines it releases. That always helps me feel better. Its ok to be frustrated and tired. It is completely normal to feel lost. It is normal to feel like you went from be Ashley to mom or wife. Do you go to church? Churches have a great support and social network. And if DH doesn't work Sunday mornings you could go alone, get a break, meet some new people and it might help. Are there mommy and me play groups? I hope some of this helps. I hope that when you need us you know we are here. You can PM me if you would like as well. I am usually on everyday in the evenings.

[The Kimber]

((HUGS))
It sounds like PPD to me.

I had my baby in February 08 and I think I had PPD for several months afterwards.I had a c-section and I had a really hard time dealing with that and then my baby had colic for the first 4 months......
It seemed like it had gotten somewhat better but then my husband deployed in May of this year and I work full time and it has been really hard trying to balance work and a toddler and housework and bills....I was crying all the time over anything and everything and I just wanted to stay at home when I wasn't working....I finally called my ob/gyn and they prescribed me some Lexapro.I have been on it a little over a month now and things are better now....

[Margarita]

I know how you feel about resentment and all that. I really am thinking that my ppd never went away and is just actual depression now.

[kerian]

how you doing now?