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Forum: Post Partum Depression

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  #1  
January 6th, 2010, 01:14 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 41
My daughter just turned 5 months old. I have been feeling extremely down lately.
However, alot of other things have been going on. I don't know i PPD means you feel down for no reason, so I don't know if it counts that there is a reason.

I am 20 years old, and my fiance is 25. We have been engaged for 3.5 years. (together for 4.5) Lately I've been wondering if we will EVER get married...
Recently his mom started a rediculas fight with us over the stupidest thing in the world: The fact that Hailey got her first tooth, and we posted it on facebook. She was mad that we didn't call her right away so she could know before everybody else. She sent Danny an email saying she was mad at what I had done, and that he better not tell me. That started a whole other argument about her asking us to keep things from each other while we are trying to work on our relationship. This have escalated like crazy over the last month--She has called me a *****, told danny I'm overbearing and he needs to find someone who deserves him more, told me I was not welcome at her home, that I'm a bad mother and don't appreciate her milestones enough to make a huge deal about them to her, a numerous other things that I can never forgive her for. This was all through thanksgiving,christmas and new years. It ended with his dad calling him and yelling "well it looks like you have chosen what fu***** family you want to be in so go fu***** be in it!"
Danny has taken alot of this out on me. Liek he blames ME for this fight. I never wanted this to happen with his family, but it was their desicion. he doesn't even feel bad for the things his parents have said about me.
We live with my mom and have to be moved out by spring, as my mom is moving away with my younger sister. we are so broke. I'm afraid of ending up on the streets. He calls off work all the time. and I feel that this is really "crunch-time" where we need to be saving every dime possible. He is in college and gets a small chunk for finacial aid. so everytime he calls off or spends money on something stupid he just says" well I have my FA check coming in a few weeks!" He also says we will use that plus what we get back on taxes to move. I don't think that is going to be enough. I think he is very unrealistic and immature about things.

Also, he spends all his free time playing his xmox360 (which he just bought!). and I feel like I'm constantely asking him to please hold his daughter. I stay home with her all day, and wake up with her all night for feedings. When she gets fussy at night and just needs to be held, or brought into our bed. he'll just roll over on his side to get away from her noise instead of offering to help.

I ask him to put in a few extra hours at work (he works 8-5 but can stay until 9..he has been off since new years eve becuase of days off and calling off three days, so I asked him to stay a little later tonight) he came back at me with "why don't you go try it, I'm not giving up my time or days off! all you do is sit on your *** all day!" He has no idea what it takes to take care of hailey.

I get mad at him about everything, and I always feel on edge. He usually just ignores me. Until I finally break down and just start crying, and then he says "this is the first I've heard about this! Why haven't you told me this concern before?" Even though its all I've been talking about for a week. Everything just goes in one ear and out the other.

Also, I have virtually no friends. I moved here when I was 16. I was homeschooled. On a fluke I met danny. And that was about it. I had no oppurtunities to. So I have no one to vent to. No one to talk to. Other than danny and hailey.

Sometimes I truely feel like I can't stand him anymore. But without a job, or a car or money of my own, I don't even have the OPTION to leave him. I'm totally stuck. Not that that is what I want to do. but I feel like it sometimes.

So what I;m asking is-can it be PPD this late? Or is it just regular saddness becuase of everything going on.


whoever took the time to read this long message..t.hank you...

Jackie
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  #2  
January 6th, 2010, 08:25 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 26,363
Depression can start at anytime, and you can get depressed anytime after having a baby, even if it doesn't hit right away. I didn't even notice my depression until my first daughter was over 18 months old, and after I started to look at the last few years of my life, I realized that it had probably slowly started after she was born.

Is there someone you can talk to? I would start with that, if you can find a counselor or therapist you can meet with and start talking to about how you feel. It may help you just to talk through things and figure out where you want to go from here.

I think there is a link in the stickies with a checklist that gives a checklist of symptoms to help you get a better idea of what depression is and if you might have it.

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  #3  
January 7th, 2010, 04:49 AM
kerian's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: South Africa
Posts: 33,718
hey hon!
sorry to hear what a had time yo having. i only realied i had PPD when y daughter was 1. mine was tiggeredby a accint she had.

i agree with Andi, try find someone you can talk to.
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  #4  
January 8th, 2010, 05:04 PM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Pavia, Italy
Posts: 5,959
PPD is depression that happens within a year of a child's birth. It's very possible to start developing PPD when your child is 5 months old. However, depression happens to so many people and it can happen at any time. I think your partner's mother is not helping anything and you need to let her know that your your child's mother and you have the right to parent the way you feel is best and do not need to inform her over every little milestone. You also need to let her and your partner know how what she says affects you. What she says is not cool, telling her son to keep secrets from his partner and the mother of his child is completely 100% wrong. You are a good mother, she is the one who needs to take a parenting class on raising adult children. You and your parnter need to sit down and have a serious talk. If it helps, write a letter to him, let him read it, and then have him respond to it. I hope something works for you and I hope your partner's mother realises her boundaries soon.
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  #5  
January 19th, 2010, 09:44 PM
JessP's Avatar Lovin life and family
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PPD can show up anytime. Sometimes you just don't realize it is there until something triggers it. You do have a lot going on too. You need to sit down with your fiance and have a heart to heart. And something has to change. Some parents have a really hard time letting go but at some point you really have to choose when families get that way. I hope things are starting to improve and that you are meeting some nice ladies here on JM that maybe you can talk to. Maybe you could find some mommy play groups to join and make some friends and get out of the house.
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