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i am a long time member of Jm but not on here. my name is shawna I am 27 me and my DH have 4 kids DD Jordan 11 DS robbie 2 and 1month old twin boys Brady and Preston. i dont know if I have PPD or just depression in general so this is everything that bothers me. I had my DD at 16 and wanted another baby for years but we waited until we where older so in 2005 we started TTC and after 2 years we where told it would never happen well then I got my surprise BFP!! I was sooo happy so in 2007 Robbie was born and I don't think I have ever been happier. well when he was 6 months old I decided to go on a diet since I was very over weight, over a year I lost 114 lbs! for the first time in my life I felt good about myself then the day after I hit my goal weight I got a BFP, we decided we did not want anymore after Robbie so I was devestated THEN we find out it's twins and I had a long painful pregnancy and never got that same excitement about them as I did with my son, my c-section was bad I felt the entire thing on one side, one baby had a NICU stay, my incision got infected and i had to go for emergency surgery 11 days after birth, at almost 8 weeks I STILL have an opening onmy incision that won't heal, I have 50lbs left to lose and feel gross, money is tight our 2 year old is acting out, the babies don't sleep and have reflux and tummy issues so they scream all the tme our DD has emotional problems and most days I just cry. I feel lost and alone even though
I am not alone, I am mad at myself for not dealing with things better and being happy. I start taking celexa today so I hope I feel better soon but for now I am in really bad shape, I have never thought of hurting my kids, I do love them but it's hard to bond with them when I am pulled 100 different ways. i have had a couple times where I wanted to hurt myself or just walk out the door and not come back and that is not me, I am just really missing my freedom and my body and how things used to be, thanks for listening
That is amazing weight loss. And I am sure once you are healed you will start working out again and that will help you feel better too. A happy momma is better than a sad momma. i can see why you would feel overwhelmed that is alot for one person.
For the reflux tummy issue my son had that. I put him to sleep on his tummy. I know OMG the insanity but his dr said if it helps him sleep then by all means. I mean my sister and I and our generation were all put to sleep on our tummies. And it made a huge difference. He started sleeping more right away. It really helped with the reflux. He also got medicine for a bit but the tummy sleeping helped the most.