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I came across this forum because I feel like i may have PPD and really need some support.
I gave birth to my first child a little over 2 weeks ago. It was a complicated delivery, where I was in a lot of pain both during and after the birth. The whole pregnancy itself was very stressful as well because it was unplanned and had only come into my husbands and I relationship just 5 months in.
In the hospital emotionally I felt great. They gave me the screening quiz and said I was at no risk for PPD. I came home and within the first week I started to feel bad. I figured it's the baby blues but what's scaring me is I am not feeling better now. I've went outdoors, I even went to a family get together with my husband but I don't feel different.
I am crying a lot, feeling guilty for having this baby so early in our relationship, scared it'll never be the same, extremely scared I will lose my husband, hopeless that it'll never change and that my husband and I will never get to spend time alone together, I can't sleep when the baby does sleep, and last night in bed I just felt like I was going to go crazy and lose it. My newborn isn't the easiest, he fusses a lot during the day which when my husband gets home frustrates him, and he doesn't sleep too great at night. I feel very little moments of elation.
I feel so bad for saying this, but I dont feel the bond with my newborn yet. I just want to be alone with my husband and have our time together again. It's scary to say but it's almost as if I don't want my newborn anymore.
I am even afraid to bring up these feelings to him because I don't want him to think I am crazy. I barely have any family to talk to, or even to watch my newborn which triggers my feelings even more.
I really don't even know who to call! My 6 week PP check is still ways away, but i don't know if I should call my OB ahead of time and let him know whats happening.
I hope I can find the support I need here, thanks for reading
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. We are here for you and you can PM me if you need to talk to someone. It may just be baby blues as you are only 2 weeks PP. And you may find that as you find a new routine it won't be this way. A fussy baby does make life more...interesting and challenging. You will start to learn those que's over time and most likely he is fussy because he needs something. But since he is so new you are still learning. They don't come with a manual but I so wish they did . I would say if you get to a point where you don't even want to hold your baby call your doctor. If you think that things might improve then wait it out and see how the next 4 weeks go. When in doubt call. I am sure you are tired and it sounds like you are worried about many things outside of just the baby himself. I would talk to your DH about your concerns about your marriage. It may help. You don't have to tell him everything just what you feel might help. Children change your life, but with communication you will grow together and love more. You may find that your DH has some of the same worries but didn't want to bother you with them. We are here if you need us. Keep us posted.
I agree with both talking to your DH and talking to your doctor. I think with the baby blues or depression, it's important to talk about it and tell people how you feel. Just doing that can sometimes make a huge difference in how you feel. It never hurts to get your doctors opinion on how you're feeling or even to talk to a counselor about it. After having your first child, I think things can be very overwhelming, and that's normal. At the same time, it sounds like you are having a really hard time coping, which could be signs that what you're experiencing is a little more than the baby blues.