[JessW7]

I have been so anxious. I have unrealistic fears. I Feel crazy! It stormed the other night and I was terrified a tree in our yard would fall into the side of our house where my boys sleep. My husband assured me it wasnt possible but I couldnt sleep that night worried! I cried myself to sleep another night worried if I fell asleep i would wake up and my baby wouldnt be breathing. I had ppd after my second and maybe even after my first. With my second though it lasted 18 months because I wouldnt admit it, I hid it and didnt try to get help. It wasnt until I was drinking and abusing pain killers and going out after my kids went to bed every night that I realized it wasnt me and I needed help. I'm afraid this is another form of PPD and that I need help but I keep thinking no its normal to feel anxious. I just had a baby. The more you have, the more you have to lose. But then I wonder is that a normal way to feel? I feel guilt over everything i do. I lost my milk and i really think its because I was so anxious and stressed. I feel like I am never relaxed, no matter what. Thats not normal is it? But I worry maybe I am making this worse than it seems. maybe I'm, a hypocondriac? maybe I secretly want something to be wrong because Im just crazy? IDK i considered calling the doc and getting back on anti anxiety meds but then I'd have to quit BFing all together and I'd feel even more guilt than I already feel over BFing. I dont think she even gets anything, but I keep trying to BF even though she drinks 4 oz of formula after every "feeding". I want to go back to my phsycologist too but I dont have time between work and being home with the kids and school and homework and housework. I dont feel depressed either so maybe its not PPD? IDK and IDK what to do. Just looking for input and advice I guess?

[JessP]

I would say talk to your doctor and see what they say. I know that once you get it you are more prone to get it again. As for BFing you have to do what is best for both of you. I didn't BF my first and felt so guilty about it. It has taken me years to realize she is just fine even though we couldn't figure it out. Please don't feel guilty about it. Formula is not really the evil thing and kids do just fine on it. If you need someone to talk to I would call you physiologist or find a girlfriend to listen. ANyone who will help you work through your anxiety. Anxiety is the worst IMO. I hate the way it makes me feel. I hope you can start feeling better soon.

[JessW7]

Thanks its so frustrating! I just want to be normal!!