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I realized something wasn't right around the time my daughter turned 6 weeks .. I started feeling tired all the time, no matter how much sleep I had gotten... I was snappy, irritable, my appetite started going down, and I started going into fits of rages .... What made me finally realize that I needed help was one day both the baby and my oldest ( he was 18 months at the time) were crying and I just snapped .. I just crawled into the bathroom and literally locked myself in there out of fear of what I would do .. I cried for 45 minutes until my husband could come home ... When he got me out my little boy was sitting in the corner holding his ears .... It was heartbreaking ... I realized then I needed help and I felt so horrible that it had gotten as bad as it did.
my point wasnt as bad as yours but its similar. I have a 27m old and my 4 month old. I was trying to wrap the baby in a swaddle for a nap and she was fighting it and screaming and broke out of it twice. There is something about her crying/screaming that hits a nerve in my brain. It sets me off.
got so mad at her i screamed, I put my son out of the room and closed the door and screamed again at her so loud, louder than I ever had. my throat hurt after. I was so embarassed and ashamed.
I have seriously been there. I was the same way with my little girl crying ... just the sound of it would seriously just cause me to snap .. It was horrible. The best thing I found for me was anytime I got to that point I put myself in "Mommy Time Out" .. I took the baby put her in her crib, put my oldest one somewhere I knew he couldn't get into anything and I just put myself in my bed room and breathed.. It helps to get away from it so you can refocus .. You can't put yourself back to where you need to be when you're frustrated. I use to feel guilty if my kids were crying and I couldn't do anything for them .. since then I've realized that crying will not hurt them and that it's actually good to let them learn to self soothe themselves!