[FTM 3-2012]

Hi, I am new to this forum, but a friend said it has really helped her. I had my son 10 weeks ago and although I have always had anxiety (from a young age, during my pregnancy, and postpartum) the last few days have scared the daylights out of me.

I've been having intrusive thoughts, that I know I would never do, but I feel so much guilt for having them that they won't go away. My husband is a great support and I plan of calling my dr Monday morning (hope he can get me in) but I hate the idea of spending the meantime at such a heightened state of anxiety.

I cry for no reason and feel sadness that I just won't ever be alone or carefree anymore. I know that sounds selfish and I do love our son so very much. My desire for alone time makes me feel guilty, sad and overwhelmed. I feel like my son deserves so much better than me.

When the intrusive thoughts happen, I am disgusted with myself and feel guilt in having them. I am worried that I will sleepwalk and actually do something bad to myself or my little one. The anxiety I have over these thoughts stays with me and is a reminder of them which feels like a horrible cycle.

Hopefully, medication and talking to a therapist will help. At this moment, I cannot fathom feeling better.

Thanks for reading. I am hoping to find peace so I can be the mother my son deserves and I can enjoy motherhood more.

[mtsskgs]

I had really bad ppd after my son was born. I felt like I would never be well again. Thankfully it does pass. I was on meds for a year and estrogen patch for 2 weeks. Getting help is the key and doing whatever you can to get sleep. Were you able to get into your Dr.?