[worthinchrist]

So I think I've come to a realization that I have post partum depression & anxiety. I'm guessing its normal that I had been in deanial about it and didn't even realize what was happening to me. My little girl is almost 10 weeks old. For the past little while life has been hard! I have many days where it feels like the new normal for me is to be easily frustrated, and angry. I try to find a reason for the anger, but find myself placing it on my husband and things he does wrong. I feel like I can't cope sometimes and when I get frustrated with my toddler I feel so aweful, like a failure, like a horrible mother. I try to stop my newborn from crying sometimes and try to meet all her needs but don't feel like I'm doing it right, like what I try isn't working and it seems so easy for my mom to get it right. I don't like being alone because I'm afraid that something might go wrong, I'm always worrying about my youngest, always checking on her, fearing the worst. I find that all day everyday I have to have something planned, or I'm keeping myself busy with something. I don't feel normal anymore :s what's the next step? I'm afraid of saying anything because I don't want people thinking I'm a bad mother.

[Seasaidh]

The next step is to talk to a professional.

Seriously everything you're experiencing is normal. It doesn't happen to everyone, but it happens to enough people that you shouldn't feel scared or ashamed or weird or aberrant - this is very, very common.

Try to remember that expecting yourself to just get over depression is the exact same thing as expecting yourself to just get over paralysis if you'd badly injured your spine. It's not your fault, and it doesn't make you a bad person. It's a physiological phenomenon and your brain is not some magic entity that can just transcend physical laws. If your chemicals are out of whack, you're not going to feel normal, and that's okay.

You did nothing wrong, you just need a hand getting things fixed.

Therapy is always a good place to start. Antidepressants might give you a leg-up, too. You won't know until you get seen, but seriously, it's best for you AND your family/baby if you take care of yourself and don't ignore this problem.

If there's any way I can help you (I'm good at finding resources and I give a decent pep-talk when it's needed), please just PM me.