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getting over ppd


Forum: Post Partum Depression

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  #1  
October 2nd, 2007, 05:26 PM
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I need some advice. I have been suffering with severe ppd/ocd and depression for 16 months now. I have tried everythng from meds therapy and hospilization. Why am I still dealing with this. It is not as bad as it was but I am still having those days. I do not think I will ever be my self again. I truely have lost all faith. What did I do wrong to deserve this and why is it lingering on like this. I live in pittsburgh so there is no support groups for this. I also have crappy insurence and they do not cover mental health. were I go for therapy is by the county assistance program so they are not really good in this matter. Please help
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  #2  
October 3rd, 2007, 07:24 AM
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First off and welcome to JM.

I think alot of it has to do with how you look at it. Do you ever see yourself happy again? Are you looking for that light at the end of the tunnel? or are you just letting all the bad thing block your vision? I don't think anyone who suffers from depression or PPD is ever truely the same person. More so with the PPD. Becoming a mom is a big change in life, and it changes the person you used to be. I know I'm not the same person, and it's not because of the PPD. It's because of being a mommy. Don't lose faith because that is what keeps you from progress hun. Faith is what keeps you going, and fighting this aweful sickness. And you didnt' do anything wrong, none of us did. But when we are Preggers our bodies go thru so many changes outside and in! Some women handle that change just fine where as other like us dont' handle it well at all. And our bodies get messed up. All we can do is keep striving to find our new selves in the mess of it all. And it's hard, VERY HARD. My DD is only 8 1/2 months old and I am still trying to figure out how to live my life.

As for the mental health help. I know that some spritual leaders can help in that area if you are a spritual person. Or maybe you can start your own support group for your area. There has to be more women out there with PPD then just you. And we are always here for you!!!! Even if it's just ever once in awhile to vent all your troubles. We are here to listen and make suggestions.

things will be ok hun you just have to keep remembering that.
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  #3  
October 3rd, 2007, 08:06 AM
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Quote:
First off and welcome to JM.

I think alot of it has to do with how you look at it. Do you ever see yourself happy again? Are you looking for that light at the end of the tunnel? or are you just letting all the bad thing block your vision? I don't think anyone who suffers from depression or PPD is ever truely the same person. More so with the PPD. Becoming a mom is a big change in life, and it changes the person you used to be. I know I'm not the same person, and it's not because of the PPD. It's because of being a mommy. Don't lose faith because that is what keeps you from progress hun. Faith is what keeps you going, and fighting this aweful sickness. And you didnt' do anything wrong, none of us did. But when we are Preggers our bodies go thru so many changes outside and in! Some women handle that change just fine where as other like us dont' handle it well at all. And our bodies get messed up. All we can do is keep striving to find our new selves in the mess of it all. And it's hard, VERY HARD. My DD is only 8 1/2 months old and I am still trying to figure out how to live my life.

As for the mental health help. I know that some spritual leaders can help in that area if you are a spritual person. Or maybe you can start your own support group for your area. There has to be more women out there with PPD then just you. And we are always here for you!!!! Even if it's just ever once in awhile to vent all your troubles. We are here to listen and make suggestions.

things will be ok hun you just have to keep remembering that.[/b]
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  #4  
October 3rd, 2007, 08:12 AM
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Thank you for your support. I know that I will never be my old self. The funny part is I have more to look forward to than I did before I was pregnant. Then every day was the same now it is always different. That is why I do not understand why. I see my husband more he does not work as many hours as he used to. Maybe he is the problem LOL Just kidding he is great. I just wish he was a little more patient with me. I know that he is frustrated. I am to I am the one in pain. My family is not very supportive. I cannot really talk to my mom about this she keeps telling me to put it out of my head. It is not that easy/ I wish I could do that. I see my doctor next week and have been wondering should I even bother to start a new med or just ride this out? There are days when I feel confidant and there are days were I am not. Well thank you for listening.
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  #5  
October 4th, 2007, 01:58 PM
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I'm so glad you found us. We can all get through this together! We're hear for you!!
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  #6  
October 4th, 2007, 03:30 PM
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Thank you so much for your suport. I so much need it right now. I sometimes think that I am strong again I want to have another child but then there are days when I hit rock bottom. I live in pittsburgh pa there are no support groups in the area, the only ones I found are in philly 7 hours away. I think that this is horrible. This city has pitt which is a medical school you would think they would have something. I have checked everywhere, I am in therapy but it is at the county office. I do not pay because of my income. I feel like ok I have insurence but they do not cover mental health. I guess if you do not make enough money they push you aside. The therapists and doctors were I go do not give a rats a-- if you are suffering or not. They are only there to put in there time. I was hospitilized in feb of this year. Again stuck with and 8.000 dollar bill and still no help. I wish I would have known about these online support groups long time ago. They would have been very helpful. I feel sometimes like I am stuck in a wall and cant get out. I am not on any meds but vistral which is for anxiety, The only good thing I got out of the hospital. I tried many meds and even birth control. The doctors keep bouncing me all over the place this is very frustating. I did develop a thyroid issue affter my daughter was born. They keep blaming this on that. i see an endocrinologist every 3 months. everything with that is ok.Well thanks for listening. Hope to hear from someone soon.
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  #7  
October 5th, 2007, 01:37 PM
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I can understand the frustration as far as the money, and not getting what you need from the people who are supose to be helping you. I've been down that road a million times myself. So the county people aren't doing anything? hav eyou tried to get into to see your family Dr? Depression isn't only a mental issue it's a chemical issue. and that is covered by most health insurance as a medical condition. Even just going to see your Dr to see about getting on meds for the depression. it may be worth a shot......BTW I work in a hospital and deal with insurance all the time. So I know that most insurance companies will cover medical depression. Some just don't cover the cost of therapy.....maybe a combo of the County Therapy and some meds you will get out of that wall.

And we will always be here for you.
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  #8  
October 10th, 2007, 02:44 PM
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I have decided to try meds one more time. I am starting prozac 10 mg. My daughter also needs surgery again so things have been pretty hard hear. I got into a healthy start program hear and they send a sw and nurse to your house. So I get to talk to a therapists in my home. I hope that this works better than the therapy I am in. I do not care for her. I will keep you updated
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  #9  
October 10th, 2007, 07:14 PM
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Hi,

My name is Afton and I am a Physician Assistant student and psychology minor. I have been researching postpartum depression for a class paper because I am at high risk of developing it when I have children. I was hoping to get some first-hand knowledge and experiences to help me have a better insight into this disorder. If there was one thing that you could tell me as a possible sufferer and as a future health care professional what would it be?

Thanks for your help!!
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  #10  
October 11th, 2007, 06:12 AM
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First off I would suggest listening to your body, only you know how you feel. I repeatly have told the doctors this is more than just my thyroid. Nobody wants to take responsibility. It was so much easier to push you back and forth to otherdoctors. I had the most wonderful pregnancy and the delivery was easy as well. No problems at all. The doctors did tell me in the very beginning that I was high risk for getting ppd because I was having anxiety attacks before I got pregnant. I still to this day do not know what caused them. but since my pregnancy was going so well they said after I had her that I was out of the danger point. I got ppd 3 months after I quite nursing. It started with anxiety and panic attacts at that point I went to the doctor and they found that I was hypothyroid and diagnosed me with hashimotos. I was just so scared because I thought that I had cancer and that my little girl would grow up without her mother. I did not find out until jan that the goiters in my neck that were 6 cm big were not cancer. The anxiety got worse and developed into ppd ocd after hearing a story on the news about someone who killed there daughter. This set me over the edge I was so afraid that I was going crazy that I would end up doing something like that. I had to hide the knives in the house and could not even bath my little girl. I feared that I was going to hurt her. This sent my anxety soring. I was hospitalized and was taking effexor xr which from the beggining made me nervous. The pc doctor would not take me off of it she said give it time. I think the shaking all day did not help. I then went off it and the nervosness stopped. The doctors started getting nasty with me saying you have a problem with all the meds we give you. To this day I fear antidepressents and afraid that I will end up with the same results the effexor gave me. I do believe that ill made me worse and when I stopped taking it I got better. Now I am 16 mths pp and I am still dealing with it just not as bad. I do get depressed here and there but it only last maybe a day or to. I take vistral and that seems to help. I think doctors are so quick to dismiss you they even put me on birth control and told me that would take care of it. It again only made me worse. I think doctors need to inform you on ppd because I did not know that ppd also meant anxiety and ocd and panic. I thought ppd was just depression. Boy if I would have known more I would have been more persistant in my care also I would have known what was going on an maybe that would have not put so much pressure on my husband. Well I hope that I was helpful
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  #11  
October 11th, 2007, 08:34 AM
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I'm glad you are trying meds again......ANd I hope the new therapist is more to your liking. You have one amazing story there. I'm just in awe of what you must be feeling. You are a much stronger person then you think you are. To go for that long with such powerful thoughts and feelings. I hope that you get relief soon.

I am sending my Thoughts and prayers up for you and for your DD.
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  #12  
October 21st, 2007, 03:30 PM
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I have been feeling really crappy the past few days. For some reason the ITS and anxiety get worse around my period. My daughter is going in for a 2nd eye surgery on tuesday. She had a blocked tear duct and the scar tissue formed over it so now they have to do another type of surgery and put tubes in. I will keep everyone updated
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  #13  
October 21st, 2007, 04:02 PM
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I just need to vent here a little. I do not know what I did to derserve this for so long. I swear I think that I lost all faithh in god. I pray everyday for this awful illness to go away. I have good days followed by bad. This past year has been so hard, let me start from last sept of 06. I had o quit nursing due to an underactive thyriod, was having panic attacts and the docs said that this was because of my thyroid. I was also told that I had a goiter in my neck that was the size of 6 cm. I did not know till jan of this year that it was not cancer, in the meantime my aunt passed away last sept from a broken leg, who dies from a broken leg. I worried sick about my health for months. They thought that I had MS and I could no longer wear my contacts because of a allergic reation to something, still never found out what that all was. They again told me I had sjogrens disease, after waiting for 2 weeks for the results to come back I was in the ER for a serious kidney infection. I then found out I did not have sjogrens. Then in Jan of this year I heard a news story on the news that set off the ocd. This sent me over the edge, still had no idea at this point that I had PPD. I went into the hospital in feb, while I was in the hospital my uncle passed away. This was so hard for me I could not go to the funeral because all I thought about was death. My family was so angry at me even though they new I was in a very fragile state. I began to feel a little better and april of this year my aunt that I am very close to passed away from cancer she was 52. I was in such shock this realy set me back a little, ok july 2nd of this year my cousin my aunts son who passed away in april died he was only 25. Here is the part that I cannot get passed. He told me because we were really close that he wanted to die, the thing is he was afraid of using a gun or knife so he was going to drink himself to death and he did just that. He had a heart attack. I wish that I would have told someone about what he was planning but I said you cant drink yourself to death. He has been drinking for years and affter his mom died he coul not take it, he was the only child. I blame myself and think maybe I could have helped him in some way. I was to selfish and only was thinking about my self and my ppd. My doc did tell me that it was not my fault and this was something that takes years to happen, his liver shut down, that is why he had the heart attack. I lost everyone in my family that I was really close with. I do not get along well with my mom, she blames me for things that happen in the past. When I was 10 she was turned in for child abuse and i was put in foster care for a WHILE. tHAT WAS THEmost horrible thing that ever happened to me. I do not know if I will ever feel myself again after all I have been through. I never had any issues with depressin before but I did suffer with an eating disorder. I just need some support here. I have been through so much and I just need to hear that everything is going to be alright. My daughter is going in for surgery on tuesday. She is having a 2nd surgey on her eyes. They are going to put tubes in. Oh ladies just to let you knw there are people going around pretending to be docs and posting on boards and then using your stories to bash women suffering from ppd. I think that I was one because that person above said they were a doc and I was dumb enuff to answer them, hey if you want to bash me for my problems than go ahead, they have bigger problems then I will ever have, just be careful who you respond to. I read this in another board. That assistent who posted above has also posted on others post. I think that this is so rude, it is bad enuff that we are sufering yet to make a joke of someones story is just awful. Sorry for rambling I just needed to get my story out there and let you ladies know do not give up. I have been through it all and I am still here. it is not easy but I am sure it will get there for you someday. thanks for listening. i already feel better.
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  #14  
October 22nd, 2007, 07:41 AM
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WOW you have been thru a whole lot......you are one truly strong women!!

As for the the "Dr" post. I kind of figured it was a phony and I took care of it. I have your ladies backs.....no worries!

Keep staying strong!!
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  #15  
October 22nd, 2007, 02:13 PM
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Thank you , I must say the only good thing I got out of ppd was the fact that I am more open and understanding. I do not judge peoples past. Everyone goes through rough timed. I think I became a better and stronger person from this. I hope any way. I will kepp everyone updated on kaylas surgery tommorow

Thank you , I must say the only good thing I got out of ppd was the fact that I am more open and understanding. I do not judge peoples past. Everyone goes through rough timed. I think I became a better and stronger person from this. I hope any way. I will kepp everyone updated on kaylas surgery tommorow
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  #16  
November 2nd, 2007, 06:33 AM
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I just need some support, I have been getting really bad anxiety lately, there for a while I was doing well. I do not know what is happening. The doc cancled my appt monday so I have to wait another week. I also was told that I cannot take ssri's. So now what so I do. I do not want to feel this way forever. I feel like this is all coming back. I just want to get on with my life. MY daughters surgery did not work we have to now see a plastic surgen things have been pretty rough around here lately. I am just hopeing that I am not getting worse.
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  #17  
November 2nd, 2007, 08:10 AM
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just keep fighting hun and you will ok. Just like someone without Depression....we have our good times and our bad.......Ours are just a little worse then others. Just keep knowing in your heart that you will be ok and that you won't be like this forever.

Why can't you take SSRI's??
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  #18  
November 2nd, 2007, 12:15 PM
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For some reason the ssri's make me get heart palpatations. I also get real nervous bad headaches and throw up. I have tried pretty much all of them and the worst thing is my doc cancled my appt mon. I do not see him now till the end of nov. I just need to sleep.
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  #19  
November 3rd, 2007, 09:18 AM
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Oh man so what can they do for you? Just therapy? Is there another Dr you can go to? there's got to be something you can do. you shoudn't have to suffer like this. See about getting on a cancelation list or something. When I have my down days all I want to do is sleep. And as long as you don't have anything to do as far as taking care of the kids. pawn them off on DH and take a day for you. I think that will help a little bit.
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  #20  
November 7th, 2007, 08:06 AM
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They think the therapy and the vistral is the only thing I should stay on. I am going to get another opinion cuz surely there has to be something else. This is just so hardIt has now been 17months, enuff is enuff. I have truely had it. I am just so frustrated. Plus not to mention there is alot going on in my family. So this does not help any. Kaylas eye did not improve we are going to do more surgery but we are going to wait till after the holidays. I cannot put myself through this again so soon. I quess that I am just hoping for a miracle in the timebeing.
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