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Forum: Post Partum Depression

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  #1  
January 10th, 2008, 10:35 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
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I am a SAHM of 3 boys (4 when my DSS is around)... I just had my 3rd child 4 week's ago & have been diagnosed w/ PPD/psychosis. I do have bi-polar, apparently this can increase one's chances of getting PPD (which I never knew). I've never experienced "baby blues" before, this is all new to me.

I am on a lot of meds, Wellbutrin, Xanax, Vallium, Seroquel, & some other meds for pain (which have nothing to do w/ PPD)... I was on Seroquel for my entire pregnancy w/ this last pregnancy, something I never did w/ my other two children (pregnancies). I felt better in this last pregnancy than any other one (emotionally speaking)...now however, I don't. I feel horrible, I cry constantly, I have visions of things, people dying, me dying, my children dying, not me hurting them, or hurting myself, just everyone dying. I have no emotional bond w/ my new baby, I don't want to hold him or nurture him (although I am doing those things). I am always angry, I feel trapped, I hate that I have this "life"...my kids, husband, family. I know this isn't me as being a mother & wife have always brought me joy & happiness. Now all of a sudden, I don't want to leave my house, I yell at everyone, I cry at the drop of a hat, I am rejecting everyone that loves me & I don't know what to do anymore.

I am seeking professional help. Been in intensive therapy since 1996, I see a therapist weekly & a medical therapist (for my meds) monthly. I talk a lot about how I feel w/ my DH, I know it hurts him to see me like this. He doesn't understand me being bi-polar so I am sure he's confused/unsure of what to do w/ me now.

I keep having thoughts of packing my bags, getting into my car, driving away, never to return. That seems so good to me. I feel like if I could get away from it all, I'd be okay. I feel like I am suffocating in my life, like I am stuck, that I wish I never married or had children. I don't know if these feelings, visions, emotions are normal. My therapist says that they are, but I just don't understand them.

I have a lot on my plate, my DH works a ton of hours, never home. I have a 10 year old DSS (who is ADHD), his bio-mom causes extreme grief in both me & DH's lives (we've worked on this for years). My DS w/ my ex who is 7, is a blessing, such a good kid, but I feel bad for him, he is taking such the brunt of my "feelings"... Then I have a 20 month old special needs toddler, diagnosed w/ a whole of things, just started to walk, doesn't talk, legally deaf...we do a lot of PT work but I haven't resumed that yet (since I just had this baby). Then I have this new baby, who is colic (never experienced that before)...on special medicines & Alimentum (expensive)... & then I am depressed "normally"... so on top of all of this, I have PPD/Psychosis.

I feel so alone but I know that I am not. I hope that someone on this forum can relate, perhaps give constructive/positive feedback & I can understand what is happening to me.

Thanks for reading,
Chantelle
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  #2  
January 10th, 2008, 11:13 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2007
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you just described me to a T except for the seeing people dying things. i just want to runaway and hide for a bit but i know i can't cause my little one is depending on me. hugs to you because i know how you feel. good for you for getting help, i am getting there, i need to talk to dh.
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  #3  
January 11th, 2008, 08:14 AM
Shyflutterby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Hello and welcome to the PPD board. Sorry to see you on here...but glad to have here. PPD is such and strange thing. They way you feel when you know you don't really feel that way. That's what gets me. I'm such a happy person by natrue always smiling and laughing. But shortly after DD was born. I could see how much I had changed. I was always thinking how my DD would be sooo much better off without me. I would actually be sitting in my truck with her in the Car seat all ready to drop her at her father's and to leave town. Never to come back again. I though of all sorts of people I could leave her with besides her Father because he's not all the great of a provider. And in all honesty you said it best by saying you feel sufficated by your life. But keep in mind that Some where out there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And with alot of help you will beable to get out of the tunnel and back to life as you used to know it. I just 2 days ago was able to get back on meds, and I'm already seeing that little bit of light down there. Just keep fighting!! And please feel free to post away on here. We will always be here to listen!

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  #4  
January 11th, 2008, 07:01 PM
adjsgirl's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Colorado
Posts: 835
Quote:
Hello and welcome to the PPD board. Sorry to see you on here...but glad to have here. PPD is such and strange thing. They way you feel when you know you don't really feel that way. That's what gets me. I'm such a happy person by natrue always smiling and laughing. But shortly after DD was born. I could see how much I had changed. I was always thinking how my DD would be sooo much better off without me. I would actually be sitting in my truck with her in the Car seat all ready to drop her at her father's and to leave town. Never to come back again. I though of all sorts of people I could leave her with besides her Father because he's not all the great of a provider. And in all honesty you said it best by saying you feel sufficated by your life. But keep in mind that Some where out there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And with alot of help you will beable to get out of the tunnel and back to life as you used to know it. I just 2 days ago was able to get back on meds, and I'm already seeing that little bit of light down there. Just keep fighting!! And please feel free to post away on here. We will always be here to listen!

[/b]

Took the words from me girl
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  #5  
January 12th, 2008, 10:07 AM
Shyflutterby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think that is probably the biggest reason i knew something was wrong. And after seeing that alot of us on here had the same feelings......I think it's safe to say that is exactly what PPD is.
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