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  #1  
January 12th, 2008, 04:45 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 755
Well, let me introduce myself...I'm a member of the July PR and I have a wonderful 6 month old lil boy named Brandon....he's the light of my life...however, my light is growing dim....for the past couple of months...I have been feeling blue...and well, it's gotten worse, and I am just filled with lots of anger, depression and rage....mainly against my family (Mother, husband....) Sometimes, I just feel like I have this disconnection with my son, Like he doesn't really "take" to me...maybe b/c he can pick up on the fact that I'm "Crazy"......We live beside my parents which has become a huge stressor in my life. I am a SAHM and thought that would be the best thing I had ever decided to do....well, it seems that I have gotten myself into this huge slump....all we (my DS and I) ever do is stay here at this house....I do (sometimes) manage to get a shower but very rarely get make up on and then all we do is end up staying here in this stupid house....we live in a rather small home, with limited space and I have tried everything I can think of to try to keep order to this house.

DH works full time and sometimes, I think that's all he thinks he needs to do. DS wakes 3-4 times a night, and I hardly ever hear him wake up so DH gets up with him at night...which is a positive however, with that being said, there is a lot of extra stress going on b/c of that b/c he's tired after working all day and then getting up with him and basically, I have NO SUPPORT WHAT SO EVER FROM HIM EMOTIONALLY....I have lashed out at him on a daily basis and I don't know how to stop it....

I went to my family doctor yesterday and she diagnosed me with severe PPD and said that she wanted to up my dose of Zoloft to 100 mg and to have me start taking xanex when I started feeling anxious (which is ALL THE TIME) and to have my DH come with me to the next doctor's appt so we could discuss treatment options....and to explain this to DH when I got home and to just let him know that I needed all the support I could possibly get from him (and other family members as well) Well since then, I haven't gotten S***!!! He hasn't and I guess I understand at some level, given me any comfort for how I am feeling....I know it's hard for him to show me any emotional support when I keep on lashing out at him over and over again but I just don't know how to stop it and I just feel so alone.

I have contacted PSI (Postpartum Support International) and have been talking to the local coordinator since yesterday and I have also contacted a lady and left a message with her who holds a support group here in the area.

It looks as if I am going to get ABSOLUTELY NO SUPPORT FROM DH AND I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

I don't really have any friends in the area and even though my parents live right beside me, I don't really have them b/c they are in bad health and are unable to help me care for Brandon or even listen to me and my problems.

Just like today, I wanted to just get out of the house and I asked DH this morning if we could go get Brandon's 6 month pics taken today and he said that his "football games" were coming on today and I asked what time and he said 1 and 4 p.m. so that really meant the whole day was shot....so I said, okay, well we can just go tomorrow and he said "well, I have some games playing tomorrow...." I asked what time and he said he didn't know so I went ahead and scheduled an appt. for 4 p.m. tomorrow evening to get Brandon's pics done and when I told him and said "well, that's when my game comes on...." so to me, that says that his stupid games are more important than going to get his son's pics done or even helping me to get out of the house....so it looks like I am taking Brandon by myself tomorrow.....which isn't anything new, we never do anything as a family which also has taken a toll on me.....all I want is to have my DH back and I have all but begged him and he just basically says that I will just lash out at him again and so he just doesn't even want to try.......

Thanks for reading if you have made it this far.....I really need some help.... I don't know what to do and I really just want to give up at times....I don't feel like hurting anybody but I just want to run away and sometimes, I feel like everyone would be better off if I weren't even here....ya know?

Edited to add: DH is sitting here in the living room floor right now and you know, it seems as if when I'm at my worse, he's at his best....what I mean is, I am so down and out right now and he's down there playing with Brandon and it's like he tries to be "EXTRA FUNNY, OR EXTRA LOUD, OR LIKE HE'S TRYING TO WIN THE BEST DADDY AWARD" or something....well, I have freaking news for him.....he will get NO reward for being the best husband....

Another little history note...he was battling depression back in 2006 and we took him to the doctor and they put him on Welbutrin and I stuck RIGHT BESIDE HIM THE WHOLE ENTIRE TIME!!!!! He has since stopped taking it b/c now that he knows that I have PPD he has said to me that I'm the one with the problem, not him......but my point is, is that I was there right by his side, I thought marriage was for better or worse, for sicker or poorer....did I miss something there or did he????
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  #2  
January 12th, 2008, 11:37 PM
adjsgirl's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Colorado
Posts: 835
Welcome!! I'm glad you found us. We're here when you need us! Spew!
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  #3  
January 13th, 2008, 10:40 AM
Shyflutterby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Aurora,CO
Posts: 6,833
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First off We all need a hug sometimes and you sound like you need a big one. Sorry to have you here but glad we are here for you.

Quote:
Well, let me introduce myself...I'm a member of the July PR and I have a wonderful 6 month old lil boy named Brandon....he's the light of my life...however, my light is growing dim....for the past couple of months...I have been feeling blue...and well, it's gotten worse, and I am just filled with lots of anger, depression and rage....mainly against my family (Mother, husband....) Sometimes, I just feel like I have this disconnection with my son, Like he doesn't really "take" to me...maybe b/c he can pick up on the fact that I'm "Crazy"......We live beside my parents which has become a huge stressor in my life. I am a SAHM and thought that would be the best thing I had ever decided to do....well, it seems that I have gotten myself into this huge slump....all we (my DS and I) ever do is stay here at this house....I do (sometimes) manage to get a shower but very rarely get make up on and then all we do is end up staying here in this stupid house....we live in a rather small home, with limited space and I have tried everything I can think of to try to keep order to this house.[/b]
Babies can tell how we are feeling because our whole body is effected. So yes chances are he feels the tenstion in your muscles and half hearted way you hold him. I say that because that is how I held DD, thinking she didn't want me anyway so why should I force her to cuddle with me. It's horriable thinking because in all honesty They are only acting the way we are telling them to act. Yes he knows you love him and that you will protect him, But you are also telling him to not get to close. As for getting out of the house. you could always go to the park if it's warm enough. If not go to the mall and walk around, it will be a learning experiance for him from all the different things to see and it will be healthy for you. Walk off some of the gloom, and listen to all the people tell you how cute your DS is. you don't have to shop or anythign just do a couple laps.

Quote:
DH works full time and sometimes, I think that's all he thinks he needs to do. DS wakes 3-4 times a night, and I hardly ever hear him wake up so DH gets up with him at night...which is a positive however, with that being said, there is a lot of extra stress going on b/c of that b/c he's tired after working all day and then getting up with him and basically, I have NO SUPPORT WHAT SO EVER FROM HIM EMOTIONALLY....I have lashed out at him on a daily basis and I don't know how to stop it....

I went to my family doctor yesterday and she diagnosed me with severe PPD and said that she wanted to up my dose of Zoloft to 100 mg and to have me start taking xanex when I started feeling anxious (which is ALL THE TIME) and to have my DH come with me to the next doctor's appt so we could discuss treatment options....and to explain this to DH when I got home and to just let him know that I needed all the support I could possibly get from him (and other family members as well) Well since then, I haven't gotten S***!!! He hasn't and I guess I understand at some level, given me any comfort for how I am feeling....I know it's hard for him to show me any emotional support when I keep on lashing out at him over and over again but I just don't know how to stop it and I just feel so alone.

I have contacted PSI (Postpartum Support International) and have been talking to the local coordinator since yesterday and I have also contacted a lady and left a message with her who holds a support group here in the area.

It looks as if I am going to get ABSOLUTELY NO SUPPORT FROM DH AND I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

I don't really have any friends in the area and even though my parents live right beside me, I don't really have them b/c they are in bad health and are unable to help me care for Brandon or even listen to me and my problems.

Just like today, I wanted to just get out of the house and I asked DH this morning if we could go get Brandon's 6 month pics taken today and he said that his "football games" were coming on today and I asked what time and he said 1 and 4 p.m. so that really meant the whole day was shot....so I said, okay, well we can just go tomorrow and he said "well, I have some games playing tomorrow...." I asked what time and he said he didn't know so I went ahead and scheduled an appt. for 4 p.m. tomorrow evening to get Brandon's pics done and when I told him and said "well, that's when my game comes on...." so to me, that says that his stupid games are more important than going to get his son's pics done or even helping me to get out of the house....so it looks like I am taking Brandon by myself tomorrow.....which isn't anything new, we never do anything as a family which also has taken a toll on me.....all I want is to have my DH back and I have all but begged him and he just basically says that I will just lash out at him again and so he just doesn't even want to try.......

Thanks for reading if you have made it this far.....I really need some help.... I don't know what to do and I really just want to give up at times....I don't feel like hurting anybody but I just want to run away and sometimes, I feel like everyone would be better off if I weren't even here....ya know?Well, let me introduce myself...I'm a member of the July PR and I have a wonderful 6 month old lil boy named Brandon....he's the light of my life...however, my light is growing dim....for the past couple of months...I have been feeling blue...and well, it's gotten worse, and I am just filled with lots of anger, depression and rage....mainly against my family (Mother, husband....) Sometimes, I just feel like I have this disconnection with my son, Like he doesn't really "take" to me...maybe b/c he can pick up on the fact that I'm "Crazy"......We live beside my parents which has become a huge stressor in my life. I am a SAHM and thought that would be the best thing I had ever decided to do....well, it seems that I have gotten myself into this huge slump....all we (my DS and I) ever do is stay here at this house....I do (sometimes) manage to get a shower but very rarely get make up on and then all we do is end up staying here in this stupid house....we live in a rather small home, with limited space and I have tried everything I can think of to try to keep order to this house.

DH works full time and sometimes, I think that's all he thinks he needs to do. DS wakes 3-4 times a night, and I hardly ever hear him wake up so DH gets up with him at night...which is a positive however, with that being said, there is a lot of extra stress going on b/c of that b/c he's tired after working all day and then getting up with him and basically, I have NO SUPPORT WHAT SO EVER FROM HIM EMOTIONALLY....I have lashed out at him on a daily basis and I don't know how to stop it....

I went to my family doctor yesterday and she diagnosed me with severe PPD and said that she wanted to up my dose of Zoloft to 100 mg and to have me start taking xanex when I started feeling anxious (which is ALL THE TIME) and to have my DH come with me to the next doctor's appt so we could discuss treatment options....and to explain this to DH when I got home and to just let him know that I needed all the support I could possibly get from him (and other family members as well) Well since then, I haven't gotten S***!!! He hasn't and I guess I understand at some level, given me any comfort for how I am feeling....I know it's hard for him to show me any emotional support when I keep on lashing out at him over and over again but I just don't know how to stop it and I just feel so alone.

I have contacted PSI (Postpartum Support International) and have been talking to the local coordinator since yesterday and I have also contacted a lady and left a message with her who holds a support group here in the area.

It looks as if I am going to get ABSOLUTELY NO SUPPORT FROM DH AND I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

I don't really have any friends in the area and even though my parents live right beside me, I don't really have them b/c they are in bad health and are unable to help me care for Brandon or even listen to me and my problems.

Just like today, I wanted to just get out of the house and I asked DH this morning if we could go get Brandon's 6 month pics taken today and he said that his "football games" were coming on today and I asked what time and he said 1 and 4 p.m. so that really meant the whole day was shot....so I said, okay, well we can just go tomorrow and he said "well, I have some games playing tomorrow...." I asked what time and he said he didn't know so I went ahead and scheduled an appt. for 4 p.m. tomorrow evening to get Brandon's pics done and when I told him and said "well, that's when my game comes on...." so to me, that says that his stupid games are more important than going to get his son's pics done or even helping me to get out of the house....so it looks like I am taking Brandon by myself tomorrow.....which isn't anything new, we never do anything as a family which also has taken a toll on me.....all I want is to have my DH back and I have all but begged him and he just basically says that I will just lash out at him again and so he just doesn't even want to try.......

Thanks for reading if you have made it this far.....I really need some help.... I don't know what to do and I really just want to give up at times....I don't feel like hurting anybody but I just want to run away and sometimes, I feel like everyone would be better off if I weren't even here....ya know?[/b]
Maybe if you could get some therapy it will help the both of you. As of right now it's all I can suggest. And maybe the support group will have some ideas as well.

Quote:
Edited to add: DH is sitting here in the living room floor right now and you know, it seems as if when I'm at my worse, he's at his best....what I mean is, I am so down and out right now and he's down there playing with Brandon and it's like he tries to be "EXTRA FUNNY, OR EXTRA LOUD, OR LIKE HE'S TRYING TO WIN THE BEST DADDY AWARD" or something....well, I have freaking news for him.....he will get NO reward for being the best husband....

Another little history note...he was battling depression back in 2006 and we took him to the doctor and they put him on Welbutrin and I stuck RIGHT BESIDE HIM THE WHOLE ENTIRE TIME!!!!! He has since stopped taking it b/c now that he knows that I have PPD he has said to me that I'm the one with the problem, not him......but my point is, is that I was there right by his side, I thought marriage was for better or worse, for sicker or poorer....did I miss something there or did he????[/b]

I think the award statement has a lot to do with the PPD. We get jealou because we can't love our child and enjoy them like a father can. To a father they are just a new toy. and to us they are our lives. And when we have PPD we know we are not loving and responding to them like we had hoped. and it turns into jealousy toward the DH/SO. Just food for thought on that.

Men are made totally different from women. Women like to face our problems face on and get to the bottom of them all. Men on the other hand ignore issues until they know what to do. and because women are so resourcful they know that we will always be there in their time of need. And I bet your DH will step up as soon as he knows what he can do. He just doesn't know just yet. With time and maybe some therapy he will come around.

I hope that something I have said helps you and DH a little. And I hope those links for DH/SO's helps him as well. Please feel free to come back and post as often as you like. Someone is useally here to respond within a few hours. And if DH is willing he is more then welcome to post as well. i'm it's a strech but I'm willing to take it. Take care and keep us updated.
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